Butt-stuff, the epitome of gay sex.
Anal foreplay isn’t all about penetration, absolutely no one has to take anything up the butt. It can be an eye - and hole - opening experience for those involved.
Maybe you’re not a casanova or the energizer bunny in the bedroom, but you can still add to your sexual endeavours with anal foreplay. Regardless of whether it will end in penetration, butt play can be a beyond belief sensual experience.
Opening yourself up to backdoor foreplay, even if you’re a strict top (groan), can be the best thing in gay sex since lube. Everyone has an anus, so don’t be shy about exploring yours or your partners for pleasure. Not only will it heighten your sexual desires, it’ll make any penetrative experience a lot more pleasurable later as you’re already warmed up!
With even the Straights™ breaking barriers in the world of anal pleasure, it’s time you up your game. My partner definitely agrees that anal foreplay is always welcome in the bedroom… Or kitchen or stairs or….sorry I got distracted. Where was I? Right!.. Famous artists like Nicki Minaj are vetting the experience and so many people are looking for ways they can also find more pleasure in or out of the bedroom.
There’s an old saying that you have to fly before you can soar with eagles and that's true for your ring of pleasure, too. Some form of ass play should always come before penetrating with anything. I’m honestly a big fan of butt-play and I can draw it out for hours with my man, but no one is asking you to do that. Start small and let it build naturally for you and your partner.
No one is demanding that anal play ever becomes penetrative, you do you boo, set your boundaries with your partner or with yourself for solo play. If you’re ever in an uncomfortable sex-uation, it’s okay to stop and take a break whether its short or over for now, any reasonable partner should understand.
Since there’s so much butt fun to be had, I put together a list of 15 ‘activities’ and tips for you to try with your butt of choice.
1. Anal is a lot like trick-or-treating. If you don’t knock on the door it’s going to be very difficult to get treats. If you don’t warm up the anus with foreplay, penetration is going to be a less than enjoyable experience. Don’t be the Kool-Aid Man, busting through, shouting oh yeah! It might work for the porn industry, but the effort might not be all that welcome. You’re a guest here, whether it’s your booty or someone else's, be kind, use lube and allow the hole to adjust.
2. Have a “safe-zone” set aside for any toys you use during your session. Trust me, the last thing you want is sheets stained in unfavourable colors because your toys and lube just sat on the blanket. Having towels (let’s be honest, one is never enough) nearby for any clean-up needs or as a resting place for toys while they’re not in use will save any further clean-up down the road.
3. Read up on sacral massage to really boost your booty game. Massages, for the most part, always feel good, and if you’ve never had a butt massage before, you’re in for a treat. By massaging the lower back area, just above the butt crack you’re engaging the whole pelvic girdle and relaxing a lot of muscles. By releasing this tension, booty time can become a lot more enjoyable and relaxed.
4. Start on the outside and work your way in. That doesn’t mean you need to put anything in anyone’s butt. I’m saying that anal play starts on the surface before diving into internal stimulation. The area around your anus is super dense with nerve endings making it a place ripe with pleasure. You can massage, lick, or suck your way to new heights of pleasure for you and your man.
5. Try oral simulator toys. They provide a bit of suction and other oral pleasures. I really like this one because it simulates your tongue. While you might not be able to have your face buried in two places at once, with the help of a handheld toy, you can blow your partner’s mind before entering their rosebud.
6. Try out different lubes, there are so many out there on the market, so find what works for you and your partner. Lube is the lifeblood of anal sex, knowing what works for you and your partner can make a world of difference for your anal play. Whether you love warming or cooling lube (don’t get this shit in your eyes - trust me), there’s so many options out there. You can try flavoured lubes, as well, to make the experience a little more palatable if you plan on providing any oral stimulation.
7. Acknowledge the mess. No one needs the anxiety or stress that comes with the infamous shit-dick scenario. Relax and prep your anal play space beforehand so that you’re not worried about any potential slips and spills. It’s a good habit regardless of your anal hygiene, I’ve ruined more sheets, and quite frankly shirts, because of lube or otherwise. It literally happens to everyone. Simply having a washable sheet or large towel can give you a big sense of security. Some guys really like a clean hole, whether that means a full-blown douching sesh before or a good old coffee scrub, take the time to make sure you’re clean back there.
8. No, you don’t have to poop, I mean it’s likely that you don’t have to at least. The whole point (hehe, get it?) to spending time performing anal pleasure is that you’ve got a ton of nerve endings both inside and outside your anus. But these nerves don’t have brains of their own, they can’t tell if something is coming or going. Obviously, you can take a break at any time, but that feeling of fullness will soon be a very welcome one!
9. Toys, toys, toys. With so many options out there, you don’t even have to begin to think about penetration. Vibrating toys go a LONG way inside or outside your pleasure palace. Rubbing them over the opening can fill you with wild sensations. Prostate massagers like this one are some of my personal favourites.
10. Just because the hole is the goal doesn’t mean you should avoid the cheeks! A good massage can go a long way to relaxing your anus for penetration and it can feel sooo good. I tend to get really involved here, but the basic massage starts with your thumbs, spreading any lube or massage oil you’re using, and pressing along the line between the cheek and the hamstring. Next I like to use the heel of my palms (or my elbows) to deeply massage my partners cheeks. After that I’m usually a little starved and I dive in for the booty-snack that is my reward!
11. Please, please, please start with small toys if you’re trying any penetration. A tight hole is a top’s dream, but it’s not very enjoyable on the receiving end. Again, this is where a vibrating prostate massager really shines. You can stimulate the outside and gently work your way inside his or your hole. You’ll be loosening up while coming to terms with the amount of pleasure you’re experiencing.
12. Open communication is absolutely paramount for having a good time during anal play. Just because some like it rough, you might be just starting to explore, and that’s OK, expressing these things can give your partner more understanding of the situation. If you’re not liking something, say so, no one should take any offense when you’re both trying something new. Just because your previous partner, or theirs, liked something, doesn’t mean you will and vice versa.
13. Slow and steady is the name of the game. Well it’s actually anal foreplay, but I digress. Try different positions, but don’t rush things. Anal doesn’t have to be doggie style and doesn’t have to be in a bed. One of my favourite places for sex is the kitchen, a countertop is at a great height to position yourself on for anal play. An accessible hole is a well pleasured hole.
14. There’s no harm in trying out anal play solo. Figuring out what your preferred ins and outs beforehand can go a long way to ensuring you enjoy anal play with a sexual partner. You’re not going to be as hyper-stimulated as you could the first time with a partner, but the option is there to explore things a lot more comfortably.
15. It should NOT hurt, and that is the single most valuable piece of advice I can give you. If you’re relaxed enough and lubed well enough, all you’re going to feel is that you might need a bathroom break the first few times. Quality lube will really shine during long lasting sessions, like when you need a break or just need to go slow in general. Good lube lasts a long time and allows penetration to happen with a lot less resistance… obviously.
This is really only the beginning of the list of tips I could provide. Anal play is really quite limitless and is losing its taboo status little by little, every day (let’s face it, even more straights are catching on). With an understanding partner you can deeply explore any fantasies you may have. Whether it's your first experience or you’re a veteran heinie inspector, there’s always more to learn.
With backdoor play becoming increasingly common, newer and more stimulating toys are always hitting the market. Keep an eye out and you just might find the next thing that drives you wild. Remember that, and I can’t stress this enough, anal play does NOT have to be penetrative. Hell, gay sex doesn’t even have to be penetrative. Some of the most pleasure you’ll ever receive from a sexual partner is through exploring your desires.
I hope I’ve got your mind stirring with new ideas for the bedroom, whether it’s your first time or you’re looking to up your game, I’m sure the tips above will have your legs in the air all night long.
Stay frisky, friends.