Having sex with another man for the first time can be the hottest experience. Still, it can also feel scary, overwhelming, and like a totally life-changing experience, you need to be ready for. Here we'll give you a list of things you need to do to be prepared to lose your gay V-card.
Lest's talk about first things first: What's "Virginity"?
In simple terms, being a virgin means you haven't ever had sex. Still, the definition of virginity varies according to many people. Many say you only lose your virginity when you have penis-in-vagina sex. That would mean many gay men who have penises, dildos, and even fists up their butts every weekend are still virgins. Yeah, right.
This is because the concept of virginity is a social construct produced in this heteronormative world. Oral, anal, sex toys, and (basically) any kind of queer sex don't enter the mindset of traditional heteronormal sex. Conventional ideas of virginity are restrictive against women, not to mention homophobic; they were made to create a sense of shame as sex "takes us apart from purity, chastity, and innocence."
However, we're here to talk about losing our virginity in the sense of "having sex with another man for the first time." Wherever you're a gay man, bi man, queer man, or trans woman, the idea of getting naked and touching a man's body for the first time and letting him feel you too can be both exciting and frightening. You need to be ready for it in every way, and here we'll give you a list of things you can do for it.
10 Things You Can do to Prepare Yourself to Lose your Virginity
1) Be emotionally ready.
When we grow up, our bodies develop to make us reproductive creatures, which means we're ready for sex at a certain age. However, that's just on a physical level. Even if we behave like them, we're not animals, and having sex involves emotions, especially our first time. If you're not emotionally ready to have sex, you might end up with a burden you don't want to deal with.
So, how do you know you're ready? Picture yourself having to explain what you're about to do to your religious relative. Does that scare you? If it does, then you're probably not ready. Starting your sex life is a responsibility, and you need to be entirely sure you want to do it.
Don't get me wrong, you're not supposed to have it all figured out, and be completely confident about who you are and the decisions you're making. It's your first time, is a moment to experiment and start your adventure; you just need to be ready for the emotional challenges that may come.
2) Forget about porn; that's not reality.
We need to understand that pron is fiction, a polished, clean, edited, perfect fantasy. Porn is hot, yes, and there's nothing wrong with watching it once in a while to blow off some steam. But, if you're expecting your first time to be like the porn you watch, spoiler alert: it won't, and you'll end up frustrated and disappointed.
In porn, we've watched thousands of times the scene in which it's a man's "first time," and it takes it "by surprise," but he's squeaky clean inside and out, but he sucks dick with the perfect technique, and he takes that dick in the ass like a champ. That won't happen in real life. If you're not experienced, you won't do things like the porn stars you see; that's why they're called porn stars; they're professionals, and most of what you see is acting (good or bad).
You should never rush your first time as you see it in porn, especially anal sex. Take your time; you don't have to take it in the ass if it's the first time you're with another man. You can focus on giving him a great hand job or a blow job and let him do those things to you. Spend time making out naked, massage his body and let him touch yours. If your first time is a two-hour session of foreplay, you'll still love it.
If you have a little experience with that and want to move ahead to anal sex, try it yourself first. Get an anal sex toy for beginners so you can explore the sensations of being penetrated before you feel the pressure and stress of doing it with a partner for the first time.
3) Take STIs seriously.
After all the LGBTQ+ community has been through with STIs, it's weird to see how little we're scared of getting them. We need to take them seriously and take adequate measurements to prevent getting any of them.
You may think an STI is something you get when having lots of sex, but it can happen on your first time, and that's it. If you feel any symptoms, you need to consult your doctor and don't conceal any of them. And don't be an ass and go having unprotected sex if you know or suspect you have an STI!
This takes us directly to our next topic:
4) Get safe access to medical care.
For the first time in decades, straight people have a higher percentage of HIV rate than queer people, but that doesn't mean we're at an increased risk of getting it still. We need to be responsible and get tested every once in a while if we have an active sex life, especially with different partners.
When you're underage, you can't conceal your health status from your parents or caretakers, and that can be kind of an awkward conversation to have. Still, starting your sex life at a young age represent the same risk of getting an incurable STI like HIV, if not a higher risk if you're not careful enough.
Our most significant advice is you wait until you're an adult to start your sex life so you can do it more responsibly. Or, if you can't wait, just do what you need to do it most responsibly.
5) It's alright if you don't know what you want; this is your time to experiment.
Top, bottom, vers, oral, anal, rimming, biting... the things you can do or get done to in sex conform an expansive menu. Even if some people say they know exactly what they need to be satisfied in bed, that's rarely the case. If you have zero experience in sex, how would you know what you really want or need?
If you've fantasized about riding a dick like if it was a raging bull at a rodeo, or about eating a man's delicious asshole like if it was the last piece of apple tart o a plate, it's alright, fantasizing it's excellent. Still, it doesn't mean you'll like it in real life. Fantasies don't always translate perfectly when you try to recreate them with a partner, and physical sensations may differ from what you expect.
So, don't pressure yourself trying to define what you like in sex if you have little to no experience. Your preferences, needs, and role (if you want to pick one) will define once you start experimenting and learning what feels good to you.
6) Prepare yourself physically and mentally if you want to bottom.
Bottoming may not go as smoothly as you think if it's your first time. You need to be patient, take your time, and use lots and lots of lube. If you're not careful enough, you'll be in pain, and your first time having anal sex will be a night to remember and not for good reasons.
Many people think it's normal for anal sex to hurt, especially when it's your first time, but that's not necessarily true. It can hurt, and it will if you rush to it or force it. You need to be in the right mindset and have the right tools for anal sex to be a pleasurable experience. So, prepare in every way if what you want is to bottom.
I find it essential to say that being a top or a bottom doesn't define anything about a man's personality or identity. A top doesn't need to be dominant, nor a bottom needs to be delicate or feminine. Tops don't need to be big and robust, and bottoms don't have to be small in size. Your sexual role is just what you enjoy the most in bed because it makes you feel good physically and psychologically.
If you're starting your sex life, try being vers and see what feels best for you.
7) Forget about slut shaming.
Why should someone be embarrassed about how much sex they have had or like to have? If you have an answer to this, let me tell you it's more about your personal issues than about people enjoying their sex lives.
Everyone has a different sex drive. Some people need to have more sex to be satisfied, and some other people are happy with having sex just every once in a while. You never should feel ashamed about how much sex you want or are currently having.
Your sex life doesn't define anything about you that you don't want it to determine. Just look at the bunnies; they're super cute, adorable, and innocent, and they have lots of sex.
8) Talk about it with someone you trust.
Listen up; your sex life is no one's business. No one has the right to ask you about it or inquire about it (unless, again, you're underage and your parents or care keepers need to know important info because your health may be at risk).
However, if you want to talk about it, do it with a friend or someone you trust. If you have a close relationship with your parents, they should be able to clear some of your doubts.
If you decide to have sex for the first time, you can discuss it with this particular person so you can make sure you're actually ready for it.
9) Understand that having gay sex doesn't make you automatically gay
If you're a man (biological or trans) and you have sex with another man, that doesn't make you gay. Many men have sex with other men without describing themselves like that: bi, pan, queer, demi, and many others.
So, if you want to have sex with another man but you're not sure about what you are, don't worry about it. Labels and concepts exist to identify yourself and be part of something; you don't feel alone and lost, knowing many people feel like you.
You can experiment and experience sex as a way to know yourself and your true identity, and that'll come with time.
10) Learn From Mistakes
Do you think someone can be an expert at doing something for the first time? The answer's no. If things turn out well the first time you do them, it's because of factors like luck and the people you do them with. It's the same with sex: your first time can be exciting, fantastic, and fun, or it can be a disaster you want to forget.
What matters here is that your first time having sex is to experiment and get to know yourself, what you like and what you don't. You can use your first experiences as learning sources, so your future sex encounters can be better and genuinely satisfying.