Technology can be at fault when we look like fools while texting our crushes. Don't get me wrong, I love the internet, and I'm a passionate gaymer, so of course, I love technology. Having said that, I hate how the digital era taught us to hide behind a screen! At the risk of sounding like the oldest Queen around, I really do wish we lived in a less digital world.
And I'm not even talking about all the hate being spewed around the internet; that's a whole other subject that needs an urgent solution. I'm talking about how we tend to be encouraged when texting someone and less forward when in person.
This is one of the reasons why a chat that's going great on your favorite dating app (or messenger of choice) ends up in a terrible date and a dead spark.
So, let me help you navigate this tricky digital world and avoid looking like a douche/fool/coward/predator when texting the guy of your dreams.
To do so, here's a list of the 5 things you should never ever do when texting him and the 5 things I encourage you to do.
1. Avoid drunk texting!
On some rare occasions, drunk texting can be kind of cute (or sexy, depending on the tone). However, it will most likely be something you'll either regret or will make your crush roll his eyes in annoyance! So avoiding drunk texting is a must, especially when you're just getting to know each other or when you've dated for very little time.
If you're already in tune with one another, you can try and be cute by texting something like: "Sparks by Hilary Duff just came on the club and made me think of you." (yes, I'm a huge Hilary Duff fan, and I know they'll never play Sparks on a club nowadays, but a guy can dream, right? It's my blog post, so leave me be!). However, this will only work if you know your crush is the kind of guy who will feel nice things when reading this.
If you're trying to date someone on the colder side of the feelings spectrum, your drunk cuteness can be annoying. Ain't nobody got time for some sloppy extra drunk texts like "Ik jlocve yiour buiffg fdivclkl!!".
So, I'll let you decide for yourself, but, in my opinion, just stick to sober texting.
2. Respond whenever you're available.
I've never understood this "play hard-to-get" thing a lot of people love doing. Seriously, it's 2021. We're all adults here, not some teenage toddlers learning how dicks work so, act like real men! (Yes, I know some of us still operate as moody teenagers from time to time, we need some therapy ASAP). So, if you see that your crush texted you or responded to something you said, reply as soon as you have the time.
If you can't answer right away, don't bend over backward to respond immediately, that's just desperate.
Don't "make him wait" or any of that bullshit. And, if you accidentally opened the message, please respond immediately, don't leave him "seen"; that's just rude. You fucking like him! Act like it!
3. Avoid being super intense!
Coming off of the last point, just as you have a life and may sometimes be too busy to answer a text, your crush has a life as well. If he doesn't immediately answer, don't be an insecure mess and text him like a maniac fishing for a response. He's either busy or hasn't seen your text, but you need to be confident enough in yourself and trust that he'll reply as soon as he's available.
If you give in to your insecurities and want to text him again, fishing for a response, do so as naturally as possible. Maybe send a funny meme you know he'll like, or perhaps a follow-up text, but don't overdo it! And, by all means, avoid being a possessive crazy bitch.
Don't ever send texts like "I know you read this" or "please answer!" or any other clingy or maniac text. You're just getting to know each other. You want him to like you, not avoid you.
On the other hand, if he keeps making you wait for a response all the time, or he's the one playing hard-to-get, then muster all the self-respect you King/Queen deserves and send him packing. You deserve someone who will make you feel like the awesome guy you are (or I hope you are, if you're a douche, you still deserve to feel appreciated, but please stop being a douche).
4. Start conversations.
Whenever you're about to text your crush, try and do so in a way that sparks a conversation. Don't just send a "Hey!" or an emoji; send something he can actually respond to and something that shows your interest in him. You may ask about his day or about whatever he might be doing or thinking.
If you just want to let him know you were thinking about him, maybe add a meme, a fun fact, or something that can spark a few responses from both of you.
The point is to show you're interested in him and his activities, not just an insecure brat that's just looking for attention. If you are, then pretend you're not!.
5. Avoid unsolicited dick pics!
Yes, we all love dick pics and nudes; we're gays! But it's one thing to text your crush and have it escalate into sexier territories, culminating in the beautiful exchange of nudes and another to send one out of the blue.
Even if you're super proud of your penis, and it's the most beautiful cock on the whole planet, sending an unsolicited dick pic is never ok! For starters, you don't know if he'll accidentally open your text in front of someone. Even if you're an exhibitionist and don't mind, he might get in trouble for it. Sending unsolicited dick pics just makes you look like an attention whore, or like someone just interested in having sex.
If that's your goal, then go for it. If not, then treat your crush like that, like the guy you want to date, not another Grindr hook-up.
6. Keep it light and fun.
As I said initially, this new digital era emboldens people when texting, but they shrink when talking IRL. Because of this, many people tend to have a serious conversation through text, which is the wrong tactic when trying to build intimacy with your crush.
So, instead of taking the easy route, use texting to get to know each other in a fun, casual way. Ask questions about hobbies, likes, and dislikes, talk about games, or whatever you want. Make plans, send the occasional pic, and have fun.
A text is never the place where you say "we need to talk" or where you declare you like/love someone for the first time. It's also not the place for deeper conversations.
Those should be held face to face, staring into each other's eyes, building that precious intimacy.
7. Avoid one-word responses.
I don't care how busy you may be or how you're feeling at the moment, never reply with just one word to your crush! In the best-case scenario, he thinks you're being passive-aggressive, which in turn paints you in a very immature light. Worst-case scenario?
He thinks you're not interested at all, and you're probably just blowing him off.
COMMUNICATE! A one-word response is never the way to go, even if you're mad at him. Show interest, be polite and make it clear to him that you're not in the best of moods in case of being angry.
8. Share as much as you want him to.
If you want to talk about his day, be sure to share what yours was like as a way to open the door to the subject. Don't try to be in the spotlight all the time though, this is about both of you sharing. It's not fun to be at the receiving end of an interrogation, so sharing things about you as a way to open a conversation makes for a natural flow of information.
Talking to him should feel easy and needs to be fun. You're getting to know each other; you gotta make sure to smile (and make him smile) in the process.
9. Avoid extra explicit sexting.
Even if you know that your crush is a very sexual guy, sexting should be built into, not just spurted out bluntly. You're in the getting-to-know-each-other phase, so strive to restrict the sexy talk for the appropriate times, and only when you feel the moment is presenting itself. Don't force it! Besides, there's no better way for your crush to learn that you love getting a facial than being on your knees sucking his dick and begging for his cum.
After you've been dating for a while, the sexting can become more explicit, but save those first sexy experiences for real life.
10. Mix it up.
Sometimes, when you both have something in common that you're really passionate about (like football, gaming, or movies), that shared passion can dominate all of the conversations. You're both more than just your hobbies, so try and consciously steer the texts in different directions daily so that you learn at last a small new thing about him.
Remember, you're still getting to know each other. Switching it up can help you decide if you actually like him or if he's your soon-to-be new bro.
~ Do whatever feels right ~
In the end, you know yourself better than anyone, so only text what feels right to you. If there's something you're unsure about sending, trust your gut! You're uncertain for a reason, so maybe keep the dick pic in your hidden folder for now.
He's the guy that caught your eye. Still, he's not your boyfriend yet, so enjoy the process, try to get as much real-life time together as possible, and figure out if he's worth investing your time into.
Not all relationships are meant to last, but if they make you happy and teach you life lessons you wouldn't have learned otherwise, then it's time well spent. Just make sure you actually like the person and not just the looks, and try not to scare him off with inappropriate texting!