There are a literal ton of fetishes out there. In the gay community, we tend to be pretty open about a lot of them, like bringing your pup to our supposedly family-friendly Pride parade, but I digress.
There’s a new trend in the gay community, it’s beyond whips or fisting, it’s even conceivable that it’s more humiliating than any other fetish. I mean that’s the history of it, the word had originally meant that the man this was happening too was too oblivious to even know. I’m talking about cuckolding if you haven’t guessed and its name comes from the cuckoo bird that would lay eggs in another bird’s nest.
Now, it’s definitely gotten a bit more refined since the era when the term was popularised, but it’s a really interesting fetish. It blends a bit of voyeurism, exhibitionism, and even BDSM, it really differs from the hetero community. Let’s dive into my 101 course on gay cuckolding!
What is cuckolding?
Cuckolding is when at least one of you in the relationship enjoys the humiliation or gets arousal from the act of your spouse, or significant other, fucking another guy. Typically, in the straight community, this is seen as very emasculating, as if you couldn’t please your women right, so another man has to. But for gays, we don’t play into this taboo as much simply because monogamy isn’t as prevalent in our community.
You get enjoyment out of cuckolding as a gay may, not only because of that very taboo but because of the other fetishes that it nods to. Maybe you just really love watching two guys going at it and your partner could take a pounding for hours, so you find a college jock, or 2, on Grindr to kick the night off. This fantasy is really common in our community, and it’s easy to see why; you’re basically watching a porn of your man and that’s pretty hot. You even get to finish him off if that’s what you’re into.
You can turn up the dial and really step into cuckolding by amping up the humiliation. This could mean your man gets gangbanged in another room and you’re kept away from his pleasure. Our brains are pretty fucked, and this association will switch pretty quickly from just humiliation to arousal. You can see that cuckolding requires a lot of trust, communication, and honesty in the relationship. So, if you have abandonment issues or other trust-related issues in your relationship or life then it might not be for you. If you aren’t open and clear, this non-monogamous sexual act could be the very reason your relationship ends.
So, what counts as cuckolding?
For starters, it doesn’t have to be the physical, legitimate act of non-monogamous relations. You or your man could talk about it from imagination, almost as a role-play scenario. This could be them describing previous experience with another man before your relationship or some guy at the gym that he’d fuck if he could.
Even receiving an erotic, or sensual, massage from another man could count on the shallow side of cucking. Cuckolding doesn’t have to completely exclude one person from the acts either, they could play director or simply get in on the action.
It’s not the same as a ‘hothubby’ scenario, which is more centered around pride. In those scenarios, you’re proud to share your man because he’s such a hottie and you get arousal out of knowing everyone wants to take him for a ride. So, it’s easy to see how that’s outside of the more humiliating idea of cucking.
How do you get your partner on board for cucking?
Fetishes, kinks, and fantasies are all normal. Bringing these ideas up to your man can be awkward at best though. The important piece is to hear each other out and ask questions to alleviate any concerns.
Being honest and sharing ideas within a relationship is healthy, bringing another man into the mix can be pretty tricky so it’s very important to be open and free of judgment when discussing this or any other kinks you have. Who knows, your man could like the idea of cucking and help you live that fantasy out.
Paying attention and asking the right questions can help keep the conversation flowing while informing both parties of the overall desire you’re after. You could start with:
- What part of cuckolding turns you on specifically?
- Is this more of a fantasy that we could role-play or is this a sexual activity you want to fully live out?
- How far would you honestly want to take this?
- What ways do you see this benefitting our relationship?
Don’t rush the decision. Starting slow and gathering all the information is important. Some people truly desire 100% monogamous relationships and it could end up being a deal-breaker down the road. You have to communicate and trust that this will work for you.
Start slow and small
Ok, so you’re down for the idea, maybe don’t go finding some dom bull right away. BTW a bull is a man who comes into the cucking relationship, fun fact! Start with some cucking videos, i.e. porn, and explore the idea at least visually.
Start the conversation, this could be a long discussion, so prepare for any chance that your partner may not love this idea. Be honest with yourself and with each other. In the event that he’s not into it, are you going to be okay staying in a relationship where you can’t live out this fantasy?
So, they don’t love it, at least you’ve shared a kink you have and opened the doors for more open and honest communication. If you start from a point of conversation rather than just showing up with some dude ready to ride your man into the night, you’ll likely, and I’d say definitely experience better results.
Talking about the fantasy before acting on it can help you iron out anything that could potentially become a problem later on.
How do you find a bull?
Well, first you need to talk it through together and decide on a few things. Who’s gonna choose the bull? Is it the one who’s interested in the cucking, i.e. you have a vision for a guy you want to fuck your man. Or is it the one who’ll end up fucking or getting fucked by the bull, that way their sexual desires are matched in this experience. As the cuck, how involved will you be? Is it going to be a straight-up threesome or are you gonna sit back and enjoy the view?
Then you have to decide how you’re going to search for him. There are tons of cuckolding websites out there that can help you search and a bazillion dating apps you could use to find any guy you like near you. I’d also try an escort as they tend to be a lot better at following the rules of engagement and they generally don’t come sneaking back around without getting paid.
Make a clear profile, which is something you can do together, this way the bull also knows exactly what he’s getting into and there are no surprises for either of you. If everyone is comfortable with how things are laid out, from when the bull is gonna come for a visit to how much the cuck is even going to know about the scene until after it happens.
How to practice safe cucking
Basically, this is all the same as any other safe sex talk. You don’t know the dude so wear condoms or plan a visit for testing at your local STI clinic. You should look into PReP and PEP options near you so that you’re fully informed and ready for the experience.
Set clear boundaries in the event that communicating during the act is inhibited, either by a ball gag or general awkwardness. Setting these boundaries ahead of time will give you a sense of ease. You can outline anything from where the bull will blow his load to if you’re comfortable with your man even blowing his load with another guy. I’m personally a fan of saving the load but I have a huge cum fetish, so don’t mind me!
Like any online dating or hookup, you need some other basic safety rules
- Don’t give out too personal of information, the bull really only needs to know when and where to show up
- Have a meeting in a public place first before heading back to the bedroom of choice (this could be a hotel room for extra privacy)
- Always be prepared with your own transportation
- If the cuck is being left behind, please inform him at least of a few details like the address and expected time of return
- Condoms, condoms, condoms! Or at least some barrier method for any sexual activities.
What are the risks?
There are certainly some more obvious ones, like HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Pregnancy if you decide to opt for a female partner. Most of these risks are greatly reduced through the use of protection. Even oral sex can be performed with a condom or dental dam for rimming.
The biggest risks may very well be the emotional ones. You could feel like you’ve talked everything through and still end up more hurt than humiliated by the act of your man having sex with someone else with or without your involvement. You might bite off more jealousy than you were prepared to chew, or they could become attached and attracted to the bull you’ve brought in.
Open communication can truly help avoid any and all of these concerns. Checking in frequently, even in the middle of a cucking scenario you could have safe words set up to end the experience if it’s too much. If it becomes discomforting for either party, at all, stopping there and then is key.