10 Tips for a Long Distance Gay Relationship

It’s crazy how a pre-Covid 19 world had so little restraints that our new present is dominated by. Bars that were once frowned upon are now shuttered oasises waiting to re-open to a thirsty queer crowd, ready to dance and drink. The gym seems like a mirage of a place we used to go to in order to check out guys and occasionally work out. 

And long distance relationships, often disregarded and shoved aside as the black sheep of relationships, are seemingly more of a possibility nowadays when you can’t go anywhere and can barely leave the house.

The trick is to sustain something when you and your boo cannot be together. It’s not going to be easy— mileage and absence does make the heart grow fonder—until one of you gets sick of waiting or reality set in real time sets in, if you’re not careful. 

To keep your long distance relationship going strong, follow these ten tips to last through your time apart until you can be together again.

1. Create a road map of where you’d like to go with your relationship and plan out how you’re going to get there.

While it might be easier said than done, having a clear direction that both of you acknowledge will help you guys stay on track and beat the clock together. You can’t foresee the future nor plan for everything, but you can agree with a desired destination and outcome for your relationship.

2. Be honest and upfront with yourself and your partner. 

What do you want out of this relationship? What do you hope to gain during your time apart? And is a long distance relationship even right for you? These are all questions to ask yourself and then be upfront with the answers to your boyfriend. Honesty, as they say, is the best policy. You’ll want to make sure your man feels like he is in the loop and aware of your feelings. Hopefully, he’ll respect you enough to reciprocate the communication and honesty you’ve been upfront with.

3. Indulge in some shared experiences together. 

Find a good album or movie to enjoy with one another. If you aren’t in the same city, country or time zone, planning might be too tricky to do it at the same time, but within a certain amount of hours you both can have enjoyed a piece of entertainment together, apart. Having some sustained similar interests gives you both something to talk about, look forward to, and partake in as if you were together. It won’t be the same as cuddling on the couch in front of Netflix or a good chick flick, but it will help you both feel like you’re still a part of each other’s worlds.

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4. Stay connected with cyber, digital, or phone sex. 

You’re both men who need to get off. Constantly. So avoid the subject like the plague, instead, address the sex issue head on. Thanks to Skype and Zoom, there are ample ways to connect sexually with you man. Plan a time to Facetime and play with yourselves together. Make up some erotic games like strip trade, truth or dare, or whatever sexual play you want to indulge in.

You don’t have to be a sex phone operator to give good digital head. Just be open to try new things to help keep some spice in your love life. Bring in some sex toys, too, like a Fleshlight, a dildo or a butt plug for starters.

5. Explore your interests. 

While you have time away from your guy, utilize this space and era for time to figure out what your and his interests truly are. What do you do when you’re bored? What do you like to do? What activity makes you happy? What habit would you like to break versus pick up? Then, take some time to figure out his interests. What does he like? What activities and things make him happy? You’ll have a lot better insight on your relationship if you inquire within.

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6. Solidify and build relationships with those dear to you in his absence. 

You’re going to need friends and confidents to get through your time being apart from you guy. The more solid foundation of love and support that you have, the better your mental state will be and more likely you’ll be able to sustain a more balanced long distance relationship.

Loved ones provide us with the affection and attention we need to be able to live our day to day lives without the person we love by our side. The stronger the foundation that you have in your life, the more likely you’ll have success in relationships.

7. Be patient and give your partner space to live his life. 

There is nothing worse than useless banter, and so you should keep the excessive communication to a minimum, if you can. You don’t want to come off as too needy or have either of you get bored too quickly because you’ve got nothing new to say to one another.

Wait until it's a good time to have real, solid communication when you talk to your partner. Let your partner be free to do what he wants to do. If he loves you, he’ll still make time for you and come back to you in the end.

8. Get to know your man’s life. 

What goes on during his every day? What’s his schedule like? What are his days and times off? This information is great to have so you are able to utilize the best times to get a hold of him.

Someone who works 9-5 is not going to be available for phone sex during those times—Monday through Friday—for instance. Taking the time to learn his schedule shows you care about his time and how to best properly manage the hours you have together.

9. Keep things fresh and fun with surprises. 

Plan an unexpected visit. Send a love letter or cute present that they weren’t expecting. Film yourself naked or masturbating and send it. Your time away from each other can be hard.

But fun can still be had with your partner from miles and oceans away. You just have to think outside the box for ways to surprise him and keep him on his toes.

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10. Don’t be a negative Nanci, and instead, show gratitude. 

No one wants to be around or sustain a long term relationship with someone always down in the dumps. The time and space apart sucks. You both get that. But you knew what you signed up for. Instead of remaining in that negative headspace, be gracious for what you have and that you even are in a relationship. The wait may kill you sometimes, but nothing kills a relationship quicker than someone with too much negative baggage.

Stay positive and thankful.