Slick, slippery, and indispensable, lube is an essential product in any gay household for fairly obvious reasons. However, few people realize that this sexy marvel of modern chemical engineering has uses that go well beyond just beating your meat on a lonely night or greasing your pole or hole for a night of hard drilling when company is over.
In fact, silicone lube has tons of uses that have nothing to do with sex at all. Here is a handy rundown of a few of them.
Stuck or Stubborn Locks
We've all been there- you come home after a late night, maybe you have a buzz on, or maybe you've just had a tough day at work. You go to pop the key in the lock and it either won't go in or the damn thing won't turn. So you jiggle it, you swear, you beg and you plead. The bastard just won't turn. It happens every damn day, and you're tired of it. You don't need this crap and, if you have room mates, they don't need the noise either.
Just dip your key in a little silicone lube and you'll be surprised just how easily that key slides in and turns. Turns out that lube is great for opening the back door in more ways than one.
Unless you are a fan of the whole "spooky haunted house" vibe, you probably don't want a door that creaks when you open and close it. You don't need to spring for an expensive new can of WD-40, though- you've already got the solution to this problem in your nightstand. As always, lube has your back!
Popping a little lube on your squeaky door hinges will make them glide right open without a peep.
When the weather gets cold and dry, sometimes off the shelf lotion just doesn't quite cut it. Adding a bit of silicone lube to your lotion will help keep you well moisturized and protect you from the elements a lot better than lotion alone.
Remember, a little goes a long way here. Once you have the lotion on your hands, just squirt a tiny dab in your hand with it and rub it around a bit before applying. It might sound kind of weird, but it really makes a difference.
Tame Your Eyebrows
Some of us have some pretty unruly eyebrows. The hairs do whatever the hell they want, fly off in all sorts of directions and refuse to play nice. Taming them can be a time consuming pain in the ass for some people, especially when you have a surprise hookup on their way over for a night of impromptu fun.
I've found that if you put a tiny bit of lube on your finger tip and run it over your eyebrows, they'll lay down and behave. Again, a little goes a long way here, so be careful.
Get That Sexy Wet Look For Your Hair
Hair products are pretty damned expensive. Seriously, like really One great way you can save some money on styling products is to just use a bit of lube. It will give you that "wet" look so many boys go crazy for.
The best part is that you can use a cheaper silicone lube for this purpose and save some serious bank by avoiding the purchase of some jumped up salon product that will do the exact same thing for your hair.
I've also been told that it works as a fantastic detangler and anti-frizz product for those who have longer hair.
Easily my favorite non-sexual use of silicone lube. I really despise shaving because I have really soft, sensitive skin that just gets torn up by razors. I get serious razor rash, and my face looks like a freshly plucked chicken from all the bumps and it gets ugly and red. I look terrible with facial hair, so not shaving is simply not an option for me.
I put up with it for years until an ex of mine who had the same problem showed me a little trick. Just add a little or, like in my case, a lot of silicone lube to your shaving cream and you will never go back. The razor glides over your skin. It's like shaving with a laser beam, you barely feel it and your skin will be free of bumps and redness.
Even if you don't have that problem when shaving your face, the same is true when you are shaving your more intimate areas as well. Seriously, I can't recommend this enough. I actually don't even use shaving cream anymore, just lube.
Break In Those New Kicks
If you're like me, you love to get a new pair of shoes. Who the hell doesn't? But, the one thing I hate about new shoes is the breaking in period. I like to walk a lot and when I get a new pair of shoes I always end up with nasty blisters and chafing for about a week or so after I first get them.
I just accepted this as a thing you put up with when you have a new pair of shoes until I had a job that required me to walk a lot. I had bought a new pair of shoes that would be better for this job, knowing it would be important but, due to the nature of the work, the blisters and chafing were getting unbearable.
I was complaining to a co-worker and he told me that when he gets a new pair of shoes he puts a little bit of lube on the areas where the shoes were rubbing and that seemed to take care of it. Man, was he ever right!
Stop Chafing At The Gym
For a long time when I would go running, I would put a bit of black electricians tape over my nipples to stop the chafing from my shirt, and that worked fine. However, I couldn't find a solution to the chafing from my legs rubbing together. Not to mention that nasty gummy residue the tape leaves.
Then one day at the gym I saw a guy rubbing a little bit of lube on his nipples and inner thigh. I asked the guy what was up with that and he told me it stops the chafing from running. I could have kissed him. To be honest I would have kissed him anyway, dude was a stone cold fox, but I digress.
The point is, there is no better way, in my opinion, to solve the problem of exercise chafing than a little dab of lube in the right spots. Pure magic!
Fix A Stuck Zipper
Here's another one from the "things that piss me right off" file. Seriously, I have a disproportionate level of rage associated with stuck zippers. There is all sorts of advice on how to deal with this online, but the best advice I have found is to just get a little bit of lube in there. It's literally as easy as that!
We can all agree that lube is the best thing since sliced bread, but now I hope we can also agree that it is the perfect remedy for more than one type of pain in the ass!