OMG, The Condom Broke! What Do I Do?!

We've all been in that situation where you are having a vigorous fuck sesh and suddenly you feel that little snap and get the sensation that something has gone off the rails. I mean, are you even living if you've never had to fish a busted jimmy hat out of a partner's funhole?!

All kidding aside, a broken condom can cause a lot of trouble if not dealt with properly. Luckily, a broken condom isn't that big of a deal if you know what to do and do it as quickly as possible!

This article will tell you everything you need to know about reacting to a broken condom, as well as ways to prevent your condoms from breaking in the first place.

The Moment Of Realization

Usually, when a condom breaks, it's more obvious to the guy wearing it because things start to feel just a little warmer and more slippery than before. If it's happened to you, you know the feeling. You might also feel a little "snapping" sensation at the moment of rupture.

The most important thing you can do once you realize your hog is running free is to pull the fuck out and take stock of the situation. Is the condom still largely intact and attached to your little governor or has it come completely loose? Had you already blown your load when the condom broke?

If you haven't talked to your partner about their status (you really should have before you fucked), now would be a good time to have that conversation. No matter what the outcome of that conversation, however, there are some steps you are going to want to take to minimize your risks.

First Things First: What Not To Do

A lot of guy's initial response to a splooge containment breach might be to clean up using an anal douche or some other method of flushing themselves out. This seems like a good idea on the surface, but it can actually increase your risk of infection!

The internal lining of your intestines is extremely thin and porous. Vigorous scrubbing could lead to small wounds or fissures that could permit pathogens into your bloodstream even more easily. Douching can also push semen further up into your rectal cavity, worsening the problem by orders of magnitude.

The best thing you can do to flush yourself out is to hop on the toilet and bear down as hard as you can to push as much out as possible. Beyond that, you just have to hope for the best and proceed to other damage-control steps.

Get Spelunking!

If the condom came completely off inside your partner, the first thing you want to do is fish that bastard out of there! There's really nothing else for it, you just gotta get in there with your fingers and start rooting around until you find it!

Fishing for a condom isn't usually pleasant for either person involved. If you are having a hard time finding the condom and your partner is getting uncomfortable, you might consider putting a little dab of desensitizer on your fishing fingers to help ease the process. Other than that, it's just a matter of groping in the dark until you can find it!

Again, the linings of the intestine are extremely sensitive and porous. Always make sure your fingernails are trim and that you are super-gentle in your search to avoid causing internal scratches or fissures that could act as pathways for pathogens to enter the bloodstream.

Get Tested!

The most important thing to know on this one is that you should get tested as quickly as possible after a condom break, whether you know your partner's status or not. You're basically looking at a time frame of 14 days or less to take action here. Different STI's have different time frames, but you are generally good if you get in within that 14-day window.

Here is a general rule-of-thumb guide to some common STI's and their particular time frames:

Genital Herpes: At least three weeks.

HIV:  At least three weeks.

Chlamydia: At least two weeks.

Gonorrhea: At least two weeks

Syphilis: This one's a little different and will require ongoing testing at 6 weeks, 3 months, and 6 months.

Genital Warts: If and when symptoms appear.

What About Oral?!

If you have a suspicion that you might be infected through oral sex, ask for a throat swab at your screening in addition to the other tests, just to be safe.

That Wasn't So Bad Was It?

Now that you know what to do when a condom breaks, let's look at a few ways to prevent your condoms from busting in the first place. Here are some tips and tricks to keep your condoms from breaking in the future.

Use Lube Properly

One of the easiest ways to bust a condom is to not use a proper amount of lube or using the wrong type of lube for the condom you are using. Oil-based lubes are a strict no-no for latex condoms. The oils degrade and weaken the latex very rapidly and will undoubtedly cause a breach. Stick to water or silicone-based lubes unless you are absolutely sure that your condoms can handle the oil. If you need to brush up on your lubes,this guide has everything you need to know about the different lube types and how to use them!

Use a generous amount of lube when you are rockin' anal fun time because those buttholes get pretty tight and can cause a lot of friction if not properly lubed up. It's also a good idea to dab a bit of lube in the inside tip of the condom to reduce friction from the head. As a bonus, this also makes increases sensation for the guy wearing it!

Finally, you might want to consider using a lube shooter to get a nice, even coat of lube in there. It's an easy, cheap way to be sure that all the lube you need is in all the places you need it to be in!

Get The Right Size

This goes in both directions! Putting your fat man in a little coat is just as likely to break that condom as having your little admiral swimming in a sea of latex. By ensuring that your condom fits properly, you are minimizing the amount of friction and movement that causes damage to condoms.

If you wear a magnum, wear a magnum. If you take a smaller size, get over yourself and buy the smaller condoms. That pharmacy clerk doesn't give two shits about the size of your dick, no matter how much you'd like to think they do!

Proper Application

It's easy to rush through the process of putting on a condom in the heat of getting down, but you need to take a moment to make sure you are properly applying that bastard before you get to the good stuff or you run the risk of a break. No sense rushing to the action if the action is just going to be interrupted because you rushed!

If you don't know how to properly apply a condom, it's time you learned!

Open It: Don't use your teeth or sharp objects to pierce the wrapper or you could puncture the condom.

A Little Dab: Add a small drop or two of lube to the very tip of the inside of the condom.

Apply: Apply the condom to the tip of the penis and gently roll it down until the penis is covered from tip to base.

That's really it!

Store Them Properly

Proper storage of condoms is one of the best ways to ensure they stay intact while you're in the act. You want to keep them in a cool, dry place that is out of the sun. Sun can deteriorate condoms more quickly than you'd expect!

Ideally, your condoms would be stored in a place whose temperatures don't dip below freezing or get over 100°F (38°C). Within that range, your condoms will stay fresh and won't get brittle or weak.

It's also important to store condoms in a place where they won't be subjected to extra friction. That wallet condom that some people carry around is about as reliable as a politician's promise.

Check The Date!

It's weird to think about non-food items as having expiration dates, but condoms have a shelf life that needs to be observed just as much as anything. Always check the dates on your condoms and try to use a "first in, first out" system to keep them rotated and fresh.

Another way to ensure that your condoms stay fresh is to only buy as many as you will reasonably need for a given period of time. Be honest about your sexual activity and plan accordingly. No sense buying the Costco pallet of Trojans if you're only gonna bang once a week!

Condoms are generally cheap AF. Unless you are planning some massive orgies over the coming months, you could probably just stick to a good-sized box and call it good. Having said that...

Have Extras On Hand!

As important as it is to be realistic about how many condoms you are gonna need, it's also a good idea to keep some spares on hand in case you do experience a break. Again, a decent-sized box should keep you covered in either case, it's just a good thing to keep in mind.

Out With The Old!

In the end, condom breaks are a largely preventable thing that can be avoided with just a little common sense. If your condoms look discolored, brittle, or otherwise damaged, throw those fuckers out and get some new ones!