5 Unrealistic Penis Expectations Gay Men Have

From the fact that many people call men's junk their "manhood," we can understand that there's a lot of meaning we give to what a man's packing down there. This post is for all the tops putting too much pressure on themselves and the bottoms who expect their men to be unstoppable sex machines.

Men tend to put a lot of pressure on their penises. They expect them to last hard for forever, to turn gigantic when aroused, and to shoot gallons of cum when orgasm arrives, and more prowess of a sexual hero. This is not an erotic comic by Patrick Fillion; in real life, an average penis cannot do all those things. Still, many men have these and other unrealistic expectations.

And, you know, having expectations and fantasies provided by erotica and other kinds of media is not bad, except when they become the source of frustrations and disappointments that affect your life. When reality disrupts your expectations, causing you anxiety, stress, and even self-hatred, you know you start to work on that before it becomes a more significant issue.

Issues with body image and personal perception are taking more and more importance. For men, having an unrealistic perfect body, as the media tells us, is not just about having 0% fat and big muscles like a Marvel Super Hero. A man's ideal body also includes the kinds of penises we see in porn and erotic media. 

5 Unrealistic Penis Expectations and What Can You Do About Them...

1) Your penis has to be enormous.

The most evident issue men deal with regarding their penis is feeling it is not big enough. 

We have this idea that our penis needs to be huge if we want to satisfy our partner. It comes from cultural messages around masculinity we start receiving from a very young age before we even start having sexual experiences with a partner. Besides, of course, there's porn and how easy it is for minors to access it through the internet.

When we are young and easy to impress, the media starts bombarding us with the message that a large penis means a more masculine man. In contrast, average and below-average penises are usually the butts of many jokes. Then we get into early adulthood and start watching porn - getting to know real-life gods with perfect bodies, faces, and cocks. Of course, we grow up expecting our private parts to develop to reach the sizes we see in porn, so we can be as "desirable" as many forms of media paint a colossal dick to be. 

But porn is not the only one to blame for creating the idea that penises need to be significant. Who hasn't used the eggplant emoji when sexting to represent a dick? But are all penises the size of an eggplant? In reality, no, they're not. 

And what about underwear advertisements? Since we were little boys, we've seen multiple huge packages in the underwear aisle (many of us discovered our sexuality by walking on those aisles). Still, those models wear padding to make their pouches look fuller, and when we try those garments, we can get disappointed by not looking like them. Advertising is a fantasy, too. Have you seen a real-life Big Mac look as tasty as in their pictures? 

What can you do about it?

The first thing is to understand how penis size works. Your size depends on your genetics and ethnicity. In reality, the average penis size is 5.1 to 5.5 inches, not the 8-plus we see in porn. Most men will fall into the average, and they're perfectly fine like that. Still, many men want to make their penis grow bigger.

There's a huge market dedicated to "helping" men grow the size of their penises, and some of the tools used can actually be harmful to your dick and make it difficult for it to get hard. So, do you want to risk your ability to hold an erection just for the hope of your dick getting a few inches larger?

Instead of focusing on size, what you can do is celebrate what your dick does for you and own it like a champion. Your penis makes you feel amazing, just admit it, or don't you appreciate a good orgasm? The size of your penis has little to do with the pleasure it gives you, and it can give to your partner also.

2) You're supposed to last all night long, pounding non-stop.

Porn is not the only one to blame for creating unrealistic expectations on sex with a penis. Mass media, including music, also support and idealize some ideas of a male lover.

How often have we seen scenes in which the characters have passionate sex until morning comes? And how many songs talk about having sex for hours and hours, loving 'til late in the night? These acts lead us to think that people are supposed to have non-stop penetrative sex all night long every time. Can you imagine banging like a jackhammer for hours?

In reality, jackhammering like that ends up in one of two scenarios: one gets bored or tired. The Journal of Sexual Medicine published the results of a study about the average length of time most couples have penetrative sex: under ten minutes.

We have this misconception and the idea that we need to fuck our partners for hours. If we want to be good lovers, we have to fuck without taking breaks and, of course, without cumming forever, right? However, science and biology say otherwise. 

What can you do about it?

You may believe you have a premature ejaculation issue, but only when you think a penis is supposed to fuck for hours without making you cum. Premature ejaculation can be caused by many things, but no one's supposed to fuck for that long. Besides, the time it takes for you to cum after the start of penetration is only a problem in specific contexts. 

We need to understand penetrative sex is not the pinnacle of pleasure, not the only kind of way to have sex and enjoy a sexy time with our partners. It is possible to spend all night long having sex if you extend foreplay, use toys, take breaks, massage each other, change positions and roles, and not focus only on trying to bang each other for hours.

There are ways to improve your stamina if you want to extend the time it takes you to cum. You can try techniques, supplements, or even lube with numbing effect. Still, it won't matter if you don't change your mentality on sex and the expectations of your penis. As long as you think sex is over once you cum, then it'll always end up in disappointment, and you won't even enjoy your orgasms truly. 

3) Your penis has to be consistently hard.

One thing porn is totally the one to blame is the idea that penises are supposed to last hard forever; that a penis spends most of its time erect. If you have a penis, you know this is not true. 

Yes, a man has an average of 11 erections during the day, but it is soft and at peace for most of the day. However, when we watch porn, those sex gods remain erect for as long as the video lasts. That makes us think that our penises are supposed to be standing for the whole time a sex encounter lasts. If they turn flaccid at any moment, we tend to feel guilty or bad about ourselves. 

This can happen not only to tops, who would feel disappointed for not being able to fuck their partners but to bottoms too. Even if the bottom won't be using his dick now, there's a chance that erection may go. Bottoms can feel ashamed for not demonstrating their arousal to their tops, who're still hard.

What can you do about it?

If a penis turns flaccid, it doesn't mean you're not a good lover or that it's something wrong with you necessarily. Your penis turns hard thanks to its hollow body, which gets filled with blood, and that blood cannot remain in it forever. Bloods needs to circulate, so it'll naturally go back to your body.

Dick pills and cock rings will make your dick remain hard for a longer time, but it still won't last forever, and you don't want it to. An overdose of dick pills or a stuck cock ring that makes your dick hard for too much time can be the cause of dangerous consequences; losing the ability to get hard at all is not the worst of them. So, if you don't want to lose your peepee, you better not play sex god trying to remain erect for hours like a porn star.

Expecting your penis to be hard forever is like expecting to be able to fly like superman; it's unrealistic and entirely mythical. You see it in porn thanks to the magic of editing out the parts in which their penises turn soft, and they have to take breaks to recover their hardons. So, do it like a porn star and take a break whenever you need to.

4) When you cum, you always cum gallons

Porn has made us believe that more cum means hotter. In gay porn, the cum shot is sometimes the main event of a video. You can see it from multiple angles and even in stop motion. They cum all over the bottom's asscheeks, chest, face, or mouth, or sometimes the top cums on his own abs or on his own face. The cum shot in porn is a spectacular show of waterworks that makes us feel that we need to cum like that.

However, porn is a medium of entertainment, and it's a visual medium, so everything needs to be spectacular and exaggerated. That's why porn stars need to cum like that; so it can look good on camera and be not only the cherry on top but the whole frosting of the video (pun intended). 

What can you do about it?

How much cum you shot on ejaculation depends on many factors, like diet or how much time has passed since your last ejaculation. Pornstars omit orgasms before shooting a video and the edge for a while. Hence, their balls are desperate to shoot as much cum as possible. 

If you want to cum gallons, you can do some things, but your body has limits. The ejaculatory function starts when you are a teenager, and it reaches its pinnacle in your twenties/thirties. So, if you're over your forties, it's possible that you'll cum less than a younger man. 

You can try edging and avoiding orgasm for a while to bring the waterworks to your subsequent encounter. Just keep in mind that genetics play an essential part, and it's possible that you'll never be able to cum like a porn star. So, better focus on enjoying every sex encounter and not expect to cum gallons every time.

Also, drink a lot of water...

5) It is your penis's sole responsibility to pleasure your partner

We have this idea that anal sex is the only way to reach a big orgasm and that it is the only way for men to connect sexually, but that's not true. The idea that your penis is the only tool you have to give pleasure to your partner is unrealistic. It puts a lot of performance pressure on you, but too many gay men think like that. 

Having the mentality that you'll only reach "true" pleasure through anal penetration is not only absurd, but it also takes from you the chance to experience many other forms of fun. When you think that even animals practice sexual activities different from penetration, doesn't it make you feel like you're missing out for being too stubborn? 

If your argument is that we're not animals and we're supposed to have sex "like humans," you know who has the most orgasms, according to science? Women who have sex with other women. That's it; they don't even need to use a penis for pleasure, so why would you be forced to practice penetration when there are tons of other ways to feel good in bed?

What can you do about it?

We need to recognize that penetrative sex is only one of the many ways one can bring pleasure to their partner. We're closer to giving our partners the best sex experiences when we're open to new possibilities.

Add non-penetrative sex to the menu when you think about sexy time with your man. Suppose you have at hand more things you can do. In that case, it'll reduce performance anxiety and turn sex into an even more enjoyable activity. Some things you can try are:

• Sucking dick.

• Eating ass.

• Handjobs.

• Fingering.

• Dry-humping.

• Grinding.

• French kissing for hours.

The list can go on and on. What matters is that you find other things you and your partner enjoy in bed that doesn't involve penetration. This way, you can stop idealizing your dick into an unstoppable sex tool, which is not, and reduce all the pressure you put on yourself when it comes to sexy time.