If you’re into porn, you’d probably say that all gay sex involves penetration at some point. Porn is great and all, but it’s not an accurate representation of reality.
At this point in your life, you should know that anal penetration isn’t the only thing that happens during gay sex.
It’s pretty reasonable to believe that butt-stuff is the gays’ territory, I mean even in ancient Greece it was most definitely known that same-sex relationships had anal sex.
There’s even a belief that they had a literal army of gay lovers. They even depicted scenes of gay sex on pottery!
So, clearly, anal sex has been the thing gays do for a long time. It’s been our assumed go-to in the bedroom and our persecution in the public eye. But anal isn’t only for gay dudes - men and women of all genders enjoy butt stuff on the regular.
That has to mean there’s more to being gay than someone taking a dick up their ass. Which, obviously, is very, very true.
Let’s break down the myth of penetration in the gay community.
1. Not every homo is into anal
Yea, it’s true, believe it or not, not every gay man wants penetrative anal sex. Sex, for everyone, isn’t just about getting it in and getting off. It can be about the pleasure you experience from any number of adult activities.
Hell, I have anal sex regularly, but even as someone who enjoys penetrative sex, I know I have to mentally (and physically) prepare for the act because it makes me uncomfortable.
Some guys never enjoy penetrative sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t enjoy peppers and, aside from the occasional joke from my partner, no one pesters me about it.
Much like no one will pester you about your preferences around penetrative sex. It’s also not the be all end all of what gay men do in the bedroom. Plus, there’s a lot of downsides.
2. Anal sex takes a lot of work
It’s a pain in the ass, honestly. There are days you’re hot and heavy and just go at it, but usually, us gay guys like to prepare for the festivities. Some guys will go so far as to massively restrict their diets hours or days before if they know sex is on the horizon.
Then there’s douching, the great divider of our community; everybody poops so expecting to fuck his hole and come out sparkling like Mr. Clean is just not realistic, but it does make things more sanitary.
Douching isn’t the only downside about anal. If you’ve ever taken a big cock you know what I mean. The average guy is pretty manageable, but once you start getting up there the sensations can be too intense for a lot of guys.
There’s a ton of nerve endings in your anus, so it’s pretty realistic to feel like the sensations are too much. Plus, if he’s that hung, there’s the possibility of anal fissures (tears in the lining of your anus) which can lead to nasty infections.
Then there’s the warm-up! If you’ve ever had a guy just ram it in then you definitely get this one. Whether you prep yourself before you even see the guy, or you take your time with foreplay the anus is a muscle that likes to be tight.
I mean if it didn’t… wait I don’t even want to put that thought into words… gross. Basically, you can finger, rim, massage, or whatever you like to relax this muscle so that penetration goes more smoothly.
3. Don’t feel pressure
There are a ton of times in my relationship where at least one of us has gotten off and we don’t use anal to get there. Not every gay man has anal sex, at least not all the time.
There’s no anal sex requirement for being gay, so don’t feel obligated to even go through the experience. And if a man is telling you it’s a deal-breaker, then he’s immature and clearly doesn’t know his way around a man’s body, so save your time.
Society likes to make us all out to be horn dogs, okay I know I am, but for sake of argument just go with me on this. We’ve consistently been portrayed as promiscuous, dirty, and oftentimes, shameful.
It’s hard enough to know that this is what society thinks you are growing up so don’t let it make its way into the bedroom when you’re older. There’s no reason to have sex to get off, we all started our sexual exploration with masturbation anyway.
For the younger gays, we need to work on minimizing the pseudo-goal of penetrative anal sex as the ultimate outcome for a gay relationship. Quite frankly, it’s all about getting off, so you could really markup anal as a fetish.
If that makes things easier to digest for you then I’m really glad! There are a ton of other things you can explore, sexually, with a partner that just don’t involve anal.
4. So, what else is out there?
Oh, Henny, I’m about to get started! Many couples, like me and my man, experiment as often as possible in the bedroom. A great starting point is a blindfold because it gets you really in tune with every sensation you feel.
You know how it goes, when one sense gets inhibited it seems as though our other senses are heightened. It can be a really great way to explore you or your guy’s body.
You’ll feel more sensitive and you’ll definitely be surprised by the feelings you’re in for.
There’s also oral sex, because, well, blowjobs are fucking great. Oral can also branch into rimming, which, for the guys not into penetration, is a great way to take advantage of all the nerve endings down there.
I love it when my guy sucks on my balls too, so there are really endless things two, or more, guys can get up to with their mouths.
Oral sex is at least at the same level of intimacy as anal sex and there are a ton of directions you can go.
Another obvious one is masturbation. Mutual masturbation is a great way to enjoy his cock and be intimate together. You can also learn a lot about what things pleasure him, so pay close attention to his wrist action! It’s also a great thing to do when everything else feels like too much work.
Honestly, after a long flight, it’s great to get to the hotel and jerk off together. You can turn this into mutual edging for even more fun as you push each other closer and closer to exploding cum everywhere.
Then we get into deeper fetishes, the ones you don’t usually explore right away, but it may be just what you need. I really get into bondage, it’s pretty hot when all he can do is squirm and moan, that’s if that gag falls out. When he’s tied up and I’m in complete control of him I love teasing his sensitive areas.
You can explore so many things in the world of kink it’s really up to what turns you on. I’ll be honest, there’s nothing quite like a cum fetish, so I think cum play is something a lot more gay men should explore. I could really go on and on about fetishes.
Guys can also be completely asexual, meaning sex just isn’t on their radar, and that’s cool too. Some people just want companionship out of a relationship. The key to a connection or relationship that lasts a long time is communication.
If you don’t tell him that you’re not into anal, how will he know you feel uncomfortable, right? It’s up to you to express your wants and desires, so if you are or aren’t into something you’ve got to say so.
5. The point is: Gay sex can be anything
The myth that penetration is the holy grail of male on male action is so basic it’s practically a box of Cheerios.
Gay men can get up to so many more interesting things in the bedroom that don’t require nearly as much preparation, or they could not get up to anything at all. What you desire and what you want from your intimately are just that, your wants. I’m definitely not here to tell you that anal sex is the best thing you can do with another guy.
In fact, I honestly prefer bondage and deepthroating… Seriously the gagging sounds are just so hot.
So, if you feel pressure to have penetrative anal sex, maybe take a minute to decide if it’s something you really want. It’s by no means necessary in a relationship, so you should be comfortable making the decision for what you want in the bedroom.
Being gay is hard enough, you don’t need this type of unnecessary bullshit.
If he says it’s a deal breaker, do your best to move on, my friend. Just keep in mind, I’m not saying anal sex is bad, it’s just not for everyone.
Bust a nut however the fuck you want.