Kinks and Fetishes are slowly becoming a regular topic of conversation among friends, even if, in many cases, it is because of how taboo they are. But suppose you're here, reading this. In that case, it means that you're interested in knowing more about this, whether it is because of how provocative it is or because you find it very hot.
We hear "kinky" and "fetish" all over the media. Still, for many of us who are just getting started with these things, they might sound scary and intimidating, so let's talk about what they are.
What's a kink?
Any sexual activity that falls outside of what society considers "acceptable" for sex. Everything that is not vanilla sex can be viewed as a kink for those more "conservative," and not so long ago, anal and oral sex were considered taboo; so, yeah, you might be regarded as kinky just for liking to get on your knees and suck your man's meat; not to mention, eating his ass. But being honest, kinky stuff is more related to sex games, whips, or other things that we will describe shortly.
What is a fetish?
Technically, a fetish means an attraction to an inanimate object, including body parts. People that like to masturbate with fruits or include food in their sexual activities, people that get turned on by some sound or texture, that's a fetish. So that guy on Grindr trying to sound fun and edgy by asking what your "fetish" is, he probably doesn't know what he's talking about. A fetish can be considered a kind of kink.
Let's get down... to business.
The most important thing about a kink is consent, communication, and enthusiasm. Yeah, I know, sound's kind of dull and childish, but it's true; we're all adults here, and we're about to play some games, so we better get the rules straight (Ugh, horrible term, let's get the rules gay).
Before getting into any sexual activity, explicit, continuous, and enthusiastic consent by all the parts involved is fundamental, including kinky stuff. If you like a kink or want to try it, you always need to talk about it with your partner and not push over it. Sex educator Tina Horn, host of the podcast Why Are People Into That?!, says that "just because you want it doesn't mean that someone has to do it." As you and your partner explore your kinks, you both own the right to stop if you stop liking what you're doing at any given moment; communication always needs to be open.
As important as consent is in kink, you need to establish your limits if you're getting started. You can begin by defining your soft and hard limits: a soft limit is something you might be curious but unsure about, while a hard limit is something you're sure you don't want to do. Define your limits and also a "safe word" because some kinds of roleplaying might imply you or your partner saying "no" or "stop." Your boundaries might expand while you explore, and that's another reason to keep communication on point.
Now, having established that, let's talk about some of the most popular kinks out there, so you and your guy (or guys) can get wild when trying them:
7 Kinds of Kinks to You Can Try (in no particular order)
The BDSM umbrella is an acronym for "bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism," yeah, all those things plus some other sexual fantasies. This is one of the most common kinds of kinks people think about when someone confesses to being kinky.
Let's start with the first letter of the acronym: bondage. This is a form of restraint; some people like being tied up (the submissive), while others enjoy tying up their partners (the dominant). This is kind of like being a bottom or a top, and if you like both, then you're a switch.
Bondage uses kinky sex toys like handcuffs or rope. Still, it is more about the act than what you use to restrain your partner or what he uses to control you (a scarf or a tie, for example). You can try using a bed frame or start by simply biding the arms together.
Now let's talk about Dominance and Submission. This is a consensual power exchange where the dominant part gets pleasure from controlling the other. In contrast, the submissive one gets turned on by being controlled. As long as there is consent and communication, everyone will be having a good time.
The last part of the acronym is Sadism and Masochism. These are acts in which pleasure comes from the high sensation most commonly understood as pain. While sadism derives pleasure from inflicting pain (physical or emotional), masochists get off by receiving pain.
This is another one of the most common kinks out there. Roleplaying involves people acting as characters outside of their daily lives as part of a sex scene. It can be as simple as you wearing a jockstrap and an apron and being a dirty waiter for your man, or as complex as you performing a whole scene with character development and everything.
Some of the most common examples of this are playing doctor-patient, boss and assistant, college student and professor, or any other plots from MEN.COM videos. Yes, getting dressed up with fabulous costumes can be fun, but this is more about dirty talk and imagination.
If you think this might not be for you because you're not an actor or whatever, you might be doing it already without knowing. If you like being called "daddy" or calling your man "daddy" in bed, you're already doing some light "age-play." Being dominant or submissive while pretending to be an age other than your own, that's roleplay too.
You might think BDSM is all about being physical, but it's not. The dominant role using language for consensual degrading, verbal abuse, and name-calling to humiliate the submissive position can be even more intense than physical acts.
Humiliation needs to be discussed before executing it and needs to be kept consensual. You know, your partner might be okay with being a "little cum-whore slut", but not a "little cum-whore bitch", so, yeah, talk about your limits first.
On the other hand, some forms of humiliation imply getting physical in some ways. Cuckolding, for example, derives humiliation from seeing your partner having sex with someone else. You can't do anything about it, and your partner makes you feel like he's enjoying it more than he does with you.
Suppose you fantasize about seeing your partner having sex with someone else but don't want to risk the emotional burden. In that case, you can explore it with dirty talk or involving the third party by virtual sex.
For some people, urophilia might be considered some form of humiliation too. Yeah, we got fancy with that word, but we're talking about watersports or golden showers, you know... pee play. Some people get aroused by the idea of being urinated on or urinating on someone. If this is your case, we suggest you try it in the shower first, so it's cleaner.
4. Edge Play
This refers to the BDSM acts that run the potential of causing actual bodily harm. These acts need to be done with extreme precaution, though, and it's vital to have an ironclad safeword to stop when it becomes too much for any of the parts involved.
Edgeplay can be, for example, some impact pay, and you might already be doing it without realizing it. If you enjoy being playfully spanked while getting on, or you like spanking your dude's sweet butt, then you are doing some light impact play.
Taking it to the next level using tools like paddles or whips to hit the submissive role vigorously becomes edge play. If you're the one providing the impact, focus on areas with fat like the side of the butt or thighs, and always avoid areas with organs inside, such as the lower back or rib cage.
We might think using whips is a common practice of edge play. Still, these are hazardous tools that need to be used by professionals. In most cases they are used only for intimidation.
Gagging or choking can be another form of this edge play. Having your dick so deep down a guy's throat that it produces a gagging sound or the idea of choking on a big cock is something that really turns some people on. Also, throttling your man, or maybe him choking you on the brink of orgasm to raise the adrenaline, can be a form of performing edge play. Remember, it needs to feel sexy, not wrong, nor like you're about to puke (unless that's what you want to do, not judging).
Edgeplay involves high levels of pain. It can be done with several kinds of tools to provide different types of sensations.
You can try wax play, for example, using melted candle wax to inflict painful sexual pleasure. Of course, there's always a risk when involving fire and all that. Still, you can find candles that burn at a temperature perfect for the body and avoid accidental burns.
You can be even more extreme and try electrostimulation. This means using the power of electricity for sexy and kinky fun. For this, you can use a Zapper or Electro-Want, a device you can get from kinky shops, and that looks kind of like a magic wand from Harry Potter. Still, it is used to give slight electric shocks to your guy's balls or erogenous zones like sexy torture.
All of these activities imply some risk, and therefore need to be done with extreme precaution and maintain explicit and continuous consent before going on; your safeword is God.
We talked about fetish before, and as we said, it can be considered a kind of kink. A fancy name for it can be Objectum Sexuality. It means a sexual attraction for an inanimate object; it can be a part of the body, a kind of shape, a texture, or even a monument. The media usually portrays Objectum Sexuals as freaks, and we need to be more understanding because kink shame sucks.
Foot fetishism is one of the most common fetishes out there. People with a foot fetish can get turned on by anything feet; seeing them, touching them, and basically worshipping them like holy objects. Even if you don't have a foot fetish, but your partner does, it's not so bad; believe me, I've been with guys with foot fetishes, and it's like foot massage galore all day.
On the other hand (pun intended), there's also Quirofilia (AKA Hand Fetish). Yeah, there can be hot manly hands out there. You can find sexy the idea of being touched, fingered, or even fisted by those hands. Still, hand fetish goes even deeper than that (again, pun intended). Fetishes are inherently sexual, but the activity or object can be more mundane for fetishists, like Quirofilia. A wet dream can be seen hands picking up groceries or washing dishes.
Something important to say is that voyeurism, like any other kink, needs to be consensual: the guy (or guys) observed needs to be an exhibitionist that wants to be watched. Masturbating while observing someone without their consent is absolutely not okay! Being a voyeur means getting off by watching someone getting it on, so if you have voyeuristic fantasies, make sure to indulge them consensually with willing exhibitionists.
7. Other Kinks
Kink is a broad, almost infinite umbrella in which many attractions and activities fall. Some are more common than others, but that doesn't mean the uncommon ones are less valid.
For example, there is Klismaphilia, the glamourous Greek word for sexual attraction for enemas. Some people get turned on by getting an enema, and others enjoy performing enemas on others. This kink can also be very practical as foreplay for anal sex.
There is also Spectrophilia, which means sexual attraction, relationships, and sexual encounters with ghosts. Of course, the existence of ghosts is for debate; therefore, Spectrophilia can be a kind of fetish for many people. But for those with Spectrophilia, ghosts are genuine (and very hot); some people even have long-term relationships with these sexy spirits.
There are way too many kinks out there to make a list, and some of them are so hard to perform that people that enjoy them can only rely on their imagination.
Are you ready to get kinky?
If you feel a tendency for one or more kinks, you must discuss it with your guy to see if there's a chance you can experiment on it. Remember to be open and keep consent in mind and all the other considerations needed for every kink.
Getting kinky is about having fun, and all the parts involved should feel the same, so go ahead and get wild with your man!