Where would we be without booty calls? Without them, we would have to actually go out, like total savages, and actually look for someone new to bang every time we wanted a little piece of action. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound like the kind of world I want to live in!
Like it or not, impromptu, no-strings-attached sex is fast becoming a more normalized part of modern living. As people increasingly discard outdated Puritanical beliefs about sex and sexuality, society is slowly coming to accept what the more libertine among us have always known: Sex, for the majority of humans, is a form of human connection that is just as important to living a fulfilling life as friendship or a feeling of purpose.
It's a human need that people will and should get however they can- How they choose to do it is nobody else's business! So, the first thing you need to know about booty calls and NSA sex, is that you shouldn't be ashamed for wanting it!
As booty calls and hooking up become more commonplace, like any new social phenomenon, issues of etiquette are bound to arise. So, how do we ride this new wave of sexual liberation without drowning in a sea of assholery?
Here are a few booty call etiquette tips to help you navigate the waters:
1. The Difference Between Booty Calls And Hook Ups
We often use booty call as a general, catch-all term for casual sex with a non-committed partner. Really, though, a booty call and a hookup are different things, in my mind.
Hooking up is generally the word we use for meeting with a person you don't know for the purpose of gettin' busy or, sometimes, to feel out if a relationship is a possibility.
A booty call, to me, is when you get together with someone you already know or have fucked before to get laid without further expectations.
In short, a hookup is banging strangers and a booty call is when you have a NSA arrangement with a known sexual partner. It's a minor distinction, but one worth pointing out.
This article is all about booty call etiquette, but there are some general rules of thumb that can apply to both situations.
2. General Advice For Casual Sex Encounters
Whether you're calling a long-time fuck buddy or hooking up with a new lay, there are a few things you have to keep in mind if you want to avoid being a complete asshole to your partners. These are hard and fast rules of etiquette that will help you maintain a healthy, worry-free casual sex arrangement that you should ignore at your own risk.
3. NSA Means NSA!
When you enter into a no-strings-attached relationship with someone, you are agreeing to a certain set of boundaries- More importantly, you are also agreeing to erase certain boundaries normally found in committed relationships. This is where many have the most trouble.
The most important thing to remember is that the other person in this arrangement doesn't "owe" you anything romantically/emotionally and vice versa. Neither of you gets to dictate who the other fucks, sees romantically, or does with their time. The only thing you owe each other is an occasional fuck when it is convenient for both of you and a bit of common human decency. If either of you can't accept that, things are gonna get ugly really quickly.
4. Mutual Respect Or GTFO
Remember that common human decency I mentioned? Well, it is the secret ingredient to every successful NSA arrangement. It is imperative that both parties treat each other as equals and maintain a balanced environment of mutual respect.
Even if your partner is into being humiliated and degraded in the bedroom, you have to respect the fact that that shit stays in the bedroom, for instance. Being the dom doesn't give you the right to actually treat your partner like shit when you're not doing it to get them off.
If things become unbalanced or one or both of you wants to change the arrangement or even end it, you should respect each other enough to talk that out. You'll either come to a new arrangement or part ways to find new arrangements elsewhere. Either way, don't be a dick about it if and when it happens!
5. Be Safe!
The very nature of an NSA arrangement dictates that you and your partners will be fucking other people. This means that you are going to have to accept the fact that your partner's partners might not be as insistent as you might be about using protection.
Your acceptable level of risk is up to you, but if safe sex is something you take seriously, then you should absolutely be vigilant about staying safe with your casual partners because you don't know what they are getting up to when you aren't around.
6. Booty Call Etiquette
That's about everything you need to know about casual sex arrangements, in general, but there are a few booty-call-specific bits of advice that will go a long way toward keeping you and your fuck buddies in a mutually beneficial place.
7. Don't Try To Turn A Hookup Into A Booty Call
Remember the difference between a booty call and a hookup. As mentioned earlier, a hookup is sometimes a way of feeling out a partner for something more serious than casual sex. It should be clear to both parties involved what each is looking for out of the rendezvous.
There are plenty of sites and apps you can use to find NSA sex and plenty you can use to find partners who are looking for a little more than casual sex. Be sure you aren't using one for the other or you will end up looking like a tacky asshole. Depending on where you live, word could get around and finding either situation might become increasingly difficult as your reputation for skulduggery spreads.
If you just want to fuck, say so! You will save yourself a lot of time and trouble by being up-front about what you want from a person instead of leading them on to get what you want. There's a word for people like that, after all. Don't settle for being another shitty fuckboi- You're better than that and we have enough already!
8. Be Patient
Don't fire off a bunch of texts to every juicy piece of ass in your contacts list in a short time frame to see what sticks. Sometimes your partners will be busy and not see your text and you might end up in a situation where multiple partners respond positively to your request for sexytime.
This can lead to awkward conversations and having to make excuses when you've already promised to show up at another partner's place and another partner finally gets out of that movie and decides that a bang session would be the perfect way to cap off the night.
Save yourself and your partners the disappointment and give it an hour or so before you go fishing in a different pond. Again, this boils down to not just being another douchey fuckboi.
9. Don't Be A Flake
If you say you're going to meet up at your fuck buddy's place at a certain time, you better fuckin' be there! If you make a promise as part of your arrangement, you better fuckin' honor that!
Again, word gets around more than you might think and our circles are a lot tighter than many of us realize. Being a reliable, honest partner will earn you a reputation that will make hooking up with new partners easier in the long run. It will also boost the quality of the partners you find.
If you act like a fuckboi, only fuckbois will want to fuck you. If you act like a decent human being, you will find that you attract quality partners who will treat you right.
Like attracts like and if you like fucking good people, you have to be a good person first!
10. Breakfast In Bed Is Optional
Spending the night at a casual partner's place isn't entirely unheard of but it is definitely something that should be clearly laid out as part of your agreement. Things can get a little awkward when one partner just wants to bang it out and be left alone and the other is hanging around well past their welcome.
Most of us don't want to be that guy who towels off and throws some cab fare to their partner while jerking their thumb toward the door, so it is important to lay out these boundaries before they are accidentally crossed.
If you like to make breakfast for your partner after you fuck, make that clear from the get-go. If you don't want your fuck buddy eating your Cheerios in the morning, let them know before they ever set foot in your home, not while they're pouring the milk!
Being clear about expectations at the outset is super-important in regards to all aspects of a NSA relationship, but this is a particularly important boundary to lay out ahead of time because there is no quicker way to turn off a fuck buddy than to make them feel like their home is being invaded.
Bringing It All Together
When you get right down to it, having a successful NSA arrangement really boils down to being open, honest, and forthright with your partners about what you are both looking for and being enough of an adult to treat your partners as you would like to be treated.
If you respect each other's wishes and agree upon and maintain healthy, honestly-drawn boundaries, there's no limit to the pleasure and sexual satisfaction you can enjoy together without driving each other bat-shit crazy. Isn't that the point of all this, after all?!