For some of us, adult toys are amazing from the get-go. They don’t even have to be that well-rated for me tbh, sometimes I’ll just grab a new sleeve from the local sex shop simply to have a new experience. I don’t know if it’ll be great, but sex toys are like that for me, even if it’s not a good toy… I’ll still orgasm. 🤷 But not everyone has the same experience.
One of my friends saw a blowjob toy advertised on insta and was immediately typing in his credit card info after seeing all the rave reviews. He thought it was the perfect purchase for a single guy: a blow job machine you can mount in the shower - ngl it sounds like a smart idea. As soon as it arrived though, he was disappointed that it didn’t really feel like much of anything to him.
That’s a pretty normal experience for a lot of people. I resonated with him because as an uncut guy, it can be pretty distracting to pull your foreskin back if the toy isn’t designed to take your whole dick. And this toy was small… like it just spun around the head of his dick and he didn’t get why there were SO MANY positive reviews.
Sex toy blogs and, in general, the industry itself wants you to believe every new release will give you an amazing climax. It’s just not the case with every toy for every guy. For starters, most toys are designed for the average person, so if you’re above or below average you could have a vastly different experience.
Of course, there are tried and true classics that add a lot of flavour to the bedroom or even solo play. An Oballs Tri Cock Ring is always a great choice for a cock ring, for instance, just like an oversized dildo from Pipedream is a no-brainer for the size queens out there. Even one of my favourite recommendations from my personal collection: Sport Fucker’s Ball Stretcher.
Maybe you’ve looked into these and committed to purchasing them only to have them arrive and think the reviewers are complete liars. It just is another example of not everything is everyone’s cup of tea.
Before your next purchase, there are some things you should know!
1. Nothing is wrong with you.
Some of the toys out there very much are the best quality and/or the best dildo, the best sex swing, or the best inflatable butt plug, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be the best… FOR YOU.
Some of the criteria are simply too objective when pleasure is so individualistic that it’s more about finding what works for you, your body, and your orgasm. Your body is different from my body, just like your preferences and needs are different from mine. Like I almost never bottom, yet I’m literally out here as a gay sex writer blogging REGULARLY about the best dildos and anal toys. I’ve definitely tried my fair share, for sure, but I can be a bit more pretentious about the things I’m gonna let penetrate me, and some guys are more game for anything and everything.
Simply put, what's good for me might be meh for you. Your “amazing” might be my trash pick and vice versa.
2. You’re not alone.
I’ve already kind of touched on this, but to put it in plain words… Even as a sex educator/writer/blogger, I experience this. Anyone who uses/buys adult toys experiences this. It’s basically another example of one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
I gave my friend a tip about blowjob toys that I learned ages ago because I got tired of a half-done job. For those toys, you gotta look at the insertable depth, some people won’t care about this, but I LIVE for deepthroat experiences. I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen the toy I’m knocking on Instagram too. For some guys that toy is amazing… like literally 30,000 guys. My dick disagrees, though, and so did my friend’s.
3. Not every toy is gonna work for every guy.
Sex lessons come from experience, too.
Much like I didn’t think I liked pits before the latest guys I’ve been sleeping with, sometimes the bad toy teaches you what you may actually like. For me, turns out I like pits on guys with good hygiene and the smelly gym pits ain’t it. But you KNOW for sure, that’s what some guys are all about.
If I didn’t meet this guy I wouldn’t know that I actually liked it (as in licking his pits and having mine licked). All because he’s a super clean guy. Much like me, my friend learned that the BJ toys that only work his head aren’t worth the time. He needs something that goes down his shaft too!
His bad experience led to a conversation that will get him further on his sex toy journey, instead of ending it.
You should watch out for similarities you enjoy between toys, like deep bassy vibrations vs. buzzing rapid vibrations, thick dildos or thin dildos, stretchy cock rings or firm, solid rings. Whenever something ticks a box for you make a note so that you can keep heading in that direction as your collection grows!
4. Don’t worry about being mainstream.
Not everyone has the same taste in music, let alone sex toys. As I said above, I don’t mainly shop for dildos, but my cock and ball ring collections is… extensive. Some guys will boast about the giant dildo they rode all weekend long while others enjoy a small curved wand so they can hit their prostate just right.
You don’t have to fall in love with the same thing “everyone else” is raving about. Your body is not the same as my body, maybe your friend is on the other end of a different spectrum from the both of us… what works for one cock or ass doesn’t have to work for another.
Maybe your preferences are a little “abnormal”, so-fucking-what. Let your freak flag fly and buy the raunchy toy. Whether it’s a tentacle dildo or a simple cock ring, you can treat yourself to whatever you like and that’s ok.
Didn’t know this was gonna be a light therapy blog now, did you??
5. There’s no single best toy of them all.
You’re never going to find a toy that is the reigning champ among all toys. There are so many different categories of toys you simply can’t say any single one of them is better than all the other options out there.
They don’t do the same things as each other, like a butt plug is not the same as a cock ring, though sometimes they’re attached (called an ass lock). The possibilities with sex toys are completely endless. So you can’t really compare apples and oranges to bananas and rotisserie chickens - the types of toys out there are so diverse it’s almost like sex toy sites categorize them for your convenience or something!
Much like our hobbies, work, and day-to-day choices in our everyday lives, sex toys and your preferences with them are probably going to be a bit different than those around you, to say the least.
- You aren’t broken just because you don’t like the same sex toy that’s raved about online.
- Someone out there likely has similar preferences to you! That said though, you aren’t magically like everyone in between the two of you. Everybody is different and your experiences and desires in the bedroom are virtually unique to you.
- You can choose to learn from your purchases rather than be upset they didn’t work out. Keep notes of the things you actually do like and start purchasing what actually works for you - don’t dwell on what didn’t work out.
- Screw being “normal” if something turns you on (and is legal…) go for it, buy the weird toy, it’s meant to bring you pleasure, so treat yo’self.
- What works for everyone else might not be your cup of tea. No one toy is gonna work for each and every person out there
Keep your chin up and explore your fantasies your way. If you feel comfortable you can always explore with a partner or keep your wild toys for your solo play. It’s your sex life and you call the shots!