Look- you love your man. He is a great guy with lots of incredible attributes. You two most definitely wouldn’t have made it as far as you both have together if the dude didn’t have a myriad of pleasing characteristics that, more often than not, compliment your own. But there is a fine line between having a loving, understanding, and caring boyfriend, and having a bugaboo. If you have ever wondered or need to pause to reflect on whether or not your man is too obsessed and involved in your life, it might be time to also question his clinginess. In short: Is my boyfriend too clingy?
It’s not always easy to spot these types of guys. Everyone loves certain levels of attention. You wanted to and got into the relationship you are currently in with you man because you do have feelings for him and want to invest your time in him. But somewhere down the road, you started noticing clear indicators that your man was becoming too clingy, and it began to bother you for some odd reason or another. Most likely like you were being smothered by your boyfriend’s constant unwavering attention and presence in your existence.
How do you spot a clingy guy?
Well, it isn’t always easy to decipher whether or not your boo is being too clingy or not. How do you determine if a cling-on spouse is in his natural habitat? It starts with the feeling like you never have any alone time. Your boyfriend is the type of guy that wants to spend every single waking moment with you and do everything with you. You can hardly take a shit without your dude up your ass wondering why you aren’t there buy his side.
The second you start to become annoyed or frustrated with your dude’s overbearingness, it’s time to sit yourself down and ask yourself if you boy isn’t being too clingy.
We’ve all had that friend that constantly makes himself too available to his boyfriend or partner and ends up self-sabotaging his relationship due to his obsessiveness and longing to be with his guy at every single turn. Who doesn’t pity the queen who can’t stand being alone, so he literally smothers his man and his relationship to death by being too clingy?
Some folks just cannot let the idea of “absence makes the heart grow fonder” wrap around their brain. It’s often all too easy to spot in other friends and relationships, but it’s important to not ignore similar signs happening within the confines of your own relationship with your boyfriend.
Some solid advice I always give my gay friends is this: sustain your own life. Have your own separate goals, dreams, life, friends, work, and places only you like to go. Engage in some self love and self care by retaining these people and items even when you get into a relationship. Especially when you enter a relationship. For one, no one likes that friend that dumps all of his friends the second he shacks up with another fellow. Keep these wishes, things, places, and people in your life so that you can come together with your boyfriend, bringing your own unique and individual empire to the fold.
There’s no need for you to stop enjoying the things that make you happy because someone else has come into your life. Together, you can combine kingdoms and empires and eventually create a beautiful life together. As long as he respects your boundaries and that he respects yours
This is an especially healthy outlook on life and relationships that can save you from experiencing an all-too-clingy bo in the future. If you’re already established that you have your own unique kingdom separate from his, you make it harder for him to fall into the trap of wanting to pass every waking second of the day with you. He’ll have a difficult time becoming too clingy with someone who maintains their own separate, busy life and world away from him. I’m not saying you need to deliberately dodge him and avoid him by filling your days with endless activities and social events with him not included.
All that I am saying is don't sacrifice who you are, what you want to do, or what you stand for, for a guy. Don’t give up on what you want from a relationship because your man cannot handle himself properly.
Here are some ways you can handle his clinginess: Communicate your needs and concerns with him. If you feel like your relationship could be salvageable if he is willing to change and give you some space, then talking and vocalizing these feelings is your first step to success. Hopefully, he will come from an endearing place of compassion and wanting to continue the relationship. He needs to understand that you are a strong, independent woman that needs his room to breathe. It’s not fair to either of you to harbor these feelings of requiring space when that is all you really need.
You have no intention of breaking up with him, just breaking up the times and lengths you two spend together. Don’t be shy: speak up and let him know exactly what it is that you feel is wrong or needs to be worked on by the two of you. He should, at the very least, respect your honesty and desire to communicate as a sign you aren’t jumping ship and trying to bail on him and the relationship.
Tell him you love him, but that time and distance amongst you and between you will help solidify the relationship. When you spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with one person, it becomes more and more difficult to retain your own separate sense of identity away from your mate. It is a challenge to find things to talk about, after a while, when you spend no time away from your partner. It’s not that you don’t care for him. This is about realizing that you can’t bring your best self to the picture and relationship without having the ability to have solid ground on your own to come from.
Start small by agreeing to not see one another for a few days. Break up the monotony of your relationship by utilizing this time away for investments in your personal and professional life and world. There is nothing wrong with taking some you time FOR you. If you stay busy while your man is taking the required-of-him break from you, you’ll spend less time wondering about what he is doing and pining over him and more time focused on your own personal mental health and success.
Maybe try a week, even, to see if the two of you can still function like proper adults without being attached at one another’s hip, for a change.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to end it with him, especially if the dude is a tried and true bugaboo. There is little helping this type of compulsive and obsessive male that needs to be at your side all the time like flies on shit. This species of man has some deeper issues, like not being able to spend quality alone time not surrounded by other human beings and most likely a feeling of abandonment from someone else in his life that leads him to needing constant love, affection, and attention all the time from his spouse.
A guy who is too clingy often has other issues like depression and loneliness as side factors. While you want to be there for your guy, he’ll need to take the correct steps to evolve and get over these through his own journey of therapy and healing.
The separation mightn’t be easy on him or either of you, but you can ask to take some time apart for the good of both of you, if you feel like this could help solidify things down the road. Space could give your guy the clarity your dude needs to realize his level of clinginess and to tone it down a bit. Time apart could also lead you to realizing what exactly you want out of the relationship. If it isn’t him, then this absence from each other can be an initial separation that leads to a permanent one.
Or, it could also lead you to realizing you might have been overreacting to his obsession over you. Or, maybe not.
It’s been said that people part ways for a reason. If you truly just needed to gain a sense of clarity and worth by having your partner exit stage left, but miss him as a result and wish for him to continue being in your life, then make that known. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, and sometimes it takes a good hard, solid look in the mirror when alone and single to realize what you truly want.
Just don’t sacrifice any part of you for a boyfriend who may be too clingy.