A Tough Nut To Crack: 6 Tips For Dealing With Delayed Ejaculation

If you took a passing glance at popular culture and the jokes we make, you'd think that premature ejaculation was the only sexual problem that men have, aside from erectile dysfunction. As common as those problems are, there is another problem many men experience that is treated as something of a myth: delayed ejaculation.

Believe it or not, some guys have a really hard time bustin' a nut and there isn't a lot of info out there because most people, even sex therapists, have long treated this as a non-issue or even a myth. The struggle is real.

What Is Delayed Ejaculation?

First, I would like to point out that every guy has trouble busting a nut, from time to time.

If you are here because you weren't able to collect on the jackpot the last time you got lucky and it was the first time, you're probably gonna be alright. If you have a history of trouble poppin' off or find that you are suddenly unable to cum in a timely fashion, it might be time to take action.

In short, delayed ejaculation is an inability to climax in a subjectively reasonable time frame or even to climax at all!

Types Of Delayed Ejaculation

A couple of important distinctions to take into account are whether or not your problem is a new one or something you have been living with all of your life and whether or not your problem is situational or generalized.

Being unable to or having difficulty ejaculating from the start of sexual maturity is known as life-long delayed ejaculation, as opposed to acquired delayed ejaculation, which develops at some point later on in sexual maturity.

You also have to take into account whether or not you have problems ejaculating in general or situationally. If you can't blow a load no matter which partner you are with or how you are being stimulated, you fall under the generalized category. If your troubles only seem to pop up under certain conditions, your delayed ejaculation is considered situational.
Understanding these distinctions is an important step in narrowing down the cause or causes of the problem. Usually, delayed ejaculation is the result of a cocktail of physical, mental, and social issues.

Physical Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation

While there are some serious physical complications that can lead to an inability to cum, most of them are fairly extreme and obvious.

Spinal or prostate removal surgery, paralyzation, or traumatic neurological events such as strokes are all rather obvious causes. If you have experienced any of these, the source of your problem is probably fairly clear and you are already speaking to your doc about it.

There are other less-obvious physical problems that could be at play, though. Hormonal imbalances, diabetes, untreated neurological problems, urinary tract infections, or recent physical trauma to the area of your body responsible for sexual function are a few possibilities.

Delayed ejaculation could be an indicator that any of these problems could be present and you should probably talk to a doctor and get checked out, just in case you have an unknown, serious issue affecting your ability to cum.

Mental Causes Of Delayed Ejaculation

This is where things get a bit trickier. There are many psychological reasons why a guy might not be able to blow his load. Untangling all of the psychological factors in your life that could lead to delayed ejaculation requires a lot of introspection and honest examination of your relationships and even your life in general.

Here are a few things to look out for in your life to help you get a handle on the source of the issue:

Poor Communication: If you don't communicate with your partners well, problems start to arise in all facets of your relationship and your sex life is usually the first place you start to see those problems manifest.

In a general sense, poor communication leads to conflict, which leads to emotional confusion and anger towards one another, which leads to lashing out both consciously and unconsciously both in your daily life and in the bedroom.

One major communication problem arises when one partner isn't completely open with the other about their sexual needs and fantasies. This leads to a disparity between the desired outcomes of their sexual escapades and the actual result. This often ends in resentment toward the partner who isn't measuring up to the disappointed partner's expectations, despite having no idea what that partner wants because they haven't communicated those desires properly.

From there, the snowball of bullshit just rolls downhill and grows, destroying your relationship in its path. Probably easier just to tell your partner about that kinky thing you wished they'd do!

Poor Body Image: A lot of the psychological factors that lead to not being able to cum can be boiled down to simple anxiety. Poor body image is a major source of anxiety in the bedroom and focusing on those feelings of inadequacy while you're humping it out is a great way to distract yourself from the enjoyment of a good bang sesh.

If you think this might be an issue for you, work on accepting yourself as you are or finding ways to change your perceptions of your body.

Talk to your partner about your insecurities and believe what they say when they try to comfort you. Why would they hang around and bang a person they find repellant? If they say they find you attractive, you have to believe that they do! Why else would they be with you in the first place?!

A more hands-on approach might be to start a fitness and diet regimen. Just the act of being pro-active about your body image issues will do a lot to make you feel better about yourself and you will actually start to see positive physical changes if you stick to your guns and keep at it.

Depression: Depression itself causes a shitload of physical and sexual symptoms, delayed ejaculation among them. To compound the issue further, many depression medications also cause sexual issues with erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation.

I am not going to dispense psychological advice here because I am just some dick on the internet scribbling his ideas down and not an actual psychologist. If you think you have an underlying psychological issue like depression that is causing your problems in the bedroom, please seek out the best form of help available to you. Just talking to a sympathetic friend can be enough to lift you out of your funk and help you clear your head enough to tackle the problem on your own!

These are just some of the more common issues that lead to not being able to cum.  If you lack physical problems that could be at the root of the issue, take a long, hard look at your mental state and see if there is something to be done there or get professional help in narrowing down the cause!

So, What Can You Do About It Now?!

Knowing that you have a problem and what causes it is all well and good, but it doesn't do much to help you get a handle on it when you need it most, now.

Here are a few things you can do to start alleviating the problem in the short term while you work on the underlying issues:

1. Breathe!

Remember how I said that a lot of the trouble with delayed ejaculation seems to boil down to anxiety of one sort or another? Well, we tend not to breathe properly or even at all while we are extremely anxious and breath plays an important part in our sexual function.

The next time you find yourself thrusting and sweating without results, take a moment to pay attention to how you are breathing. Try to normalize your breath and slow it down. This will have a relaxing effect that often opens the sexual floodgates. The more oxygen you take in, the more sensitive your nerves become and the better your blood can flow which in turn improves all aspects of sexual function.

2. Get Better Lube

Reduced friction during sex also increases sensitivity. You might also try a lubricant with active ingredients that are known to increase sexual function, performance, or sensitivity. While it's easy to scoff at such products, the fact of the matter is that many of those ingredients do actually have an effect! Yohimbe, horny goat weed and other botanicals have all been shown to boost performance, at least slightly.

You might also try a "warming" or "cooling" lubricant to boost sensation. The added stimulation might be just the thing you need to push you over the edge!

 

Swiss Navy Warming Lube

3. Stop Suppressing Your Fantasies!

Look, you want what you want and if you don't get it, you're always going to be at least a little disappointed. You're never going to get what you want out of your bedroom time if you never tell your partner what you're looking for. It's as simple as that.

Be a grownup and trust that your partner equally mature and open up about all the "weird" shit you want to do. Chances are, your partner will be down to experiment and might even feel the same way but was also too timid to approach you about it. This simple conversation can open up a whole new world of sexual exploration you might never have imagined as you and your partner's fantasies become intertwined and grow together.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease! So, start squeakin' and get greasy! You won't regret it!

4. Get Creative!

If you and your partner already have an open dialogue about what you like in the sack, you might try mutually exploring new fantasies together. Watch some kinky-ass porn together and see if anything strikes your collective fancy.

Get some light restraints and experiment with bondage,  discuss opening up the relationship to more sexual partners, or whatever. Just be creative and open with each other and you might be surprised what turns you on once you get a taste of it!

Vedo Hummer

5. Prostate Massage

If external stimulation doesn't seem to be doing it for you, it might be time to dig deep! A well-performed prostate massage is one of the most effective, nearly foolproof ways to blow a Krakatoa-sized load whether you want to or not!

Consider picking up a prostate massage toy to make the whole thing easier. These toys are ergonomically designed to reach and stimulate the prostate with as little hassle as possible. If you don't feel like doing the research, Aneros prostate massagers are widely considered to be the best out there.

If you aren't sure what the hell I am talking about here, this complete guide to prostate massage should get you where you need to be!

Nexus Max20 Remote Massager

6. Do Some Kegels!

Kegel exercises are designed to train the various muscles in your pelvis to be more responsive, stronger, and controllable. With a little time and effort, you can gain a surprising degree of mastery over your orgasm and sexual function.

A mini-guide to Kegel exercises can be found in this article about mastering the male orgasm and should serve as a decent jumping-off point to get you going in the right direction.

A Few Final Words

For all of this talk of pro-active ways to address the problem, the most important thing you can do to start improving the situation is to relax, assess the situation, and take the best action you can with the resources at your disposal.

If you truly have a loving, supportive partner, they will be there helping you every step of the way and you will get through it together. If not, you need to find someone who can do that for you and have probably found exactly what is wrong in the bedroom. Food for thought!