Mastering Masturbation: An Guide To Epic Fapping
Jerking off. Flogging the bishop. Corralling the tadpoles. Calling down for extra mayo. Shaking hands with the governor.
Whatever you want to call it, we all do it. But can we do it better?
Of course! You can always make a good thing better if you put your mind to it and the same goes for dancing the five-fingered shuffle with your hairy cyclops.
If you're like most guys, you've probably been jerking off almost daily for years now. You've probably got your own way of doing things that you tend to stick to because it "works".
That is to say, you do the things that get you off as easily as possible and leave it at that. You get in, get off, and get out.
If you're happy with that mindset, good for you! But you're not happy with that mindset, are you? Why else would you be reading this? No, you want something more from your time with your one-eyed trouser weasel- You want to take things to the next level and I am here to guide you to the promised land!
Here are a few hot tips to help you get your helmet polished right!
Fap Fasting
O.K., O.K., O.K., that probably sounds like weird advice considering the title of the article but bear with me here! When you take a break from jerking off, you give your body and mind a chance to recharge and restore its reservoir of sexual juju. It's an "absence makes your part grow fonder" sorta deal.
I used to be of the mindset that when it comes to sex and jerking off, less is definitely not more- it's less.
I used to see people talking about No-Nut November, and just couldn't wrap my head around the notion of refraining from sex or masturbation for an entire month.
Finally, my curiosity kicked in and I decided to give it a whirl. Whenever something is mysterious to me, I find that the best way to understand it is to explore it personally. So I embarked on my first journey of self-denial last November.
Honestly, it was crazy difficult for the first week but I sort of leveled off a bit and was handling it pretty well by week two. That feeling only lasted a week or so. By the time the end of the month was rolling around, I was about ready to snap.
Let's just say, I was ready to go at 11:59 on the 30th with lube, towels, and toys laid out and waiting for action.
You know what I found? I found that I had one of the most intense and explosive orgasms of my life.
The closest thing I can compare it to is the first time a managed to milk out a P-spot orgasm. While the difference in intensity wasn't quite as powerful as that, it was definitely a close second.
The experience was powerful enough to change my masturbation patterns.
I don't save it up for months at a time or anything but I did switch to jerking off every other day, as opposed to daily or more. The quality is worth the reduction in quantity.
Seriously, take it from a reluctant convert and try it!
Maybe Not So Much With The Porn?
Wow! Really fun tips so far, hey?!
Stop jerking off and if you do jerk off, turn off the porn! Oh, please sign me the fuck up!
Seriously, though, this is actually a pretty important thing to do from time to time, as hard as that is to say for a guy who loves porn as much as I do.
We often don't realize the subtle effects that porn has on our sexual habits and practices. Using too much porn too often can program your body and mind to only respond to very specific sexual stimuli. What's worse, these habitual stimuli are often unrealistic and nearly unobtainable in the real world.
On top of all that, porn makes you less likely to explore your own inner sexual workings by replacing them with external ones.
How can you discover your own sexual fantasies if you never go exploring, choosing instead to explore fantasies that are served up to you by someone else? Put down the porn, lay back, and start to pleasure yourself- by yourself.
You'll find your mind going to new places and fantasizing about things you never realized you liked because you've been too busy whackin' it to wild fisting orgies or Japanese monster cartoons or some shit.
There's nothing wrong with that, just make sure you take the time to explore yourself from time to time.
Two Hands Are Better Than One
Most people have two hands- so why not use them both?
Lots of guys just use their dominant hand and jerk it til it squirts. While that works, it's not what you came here for. That's mediocre masturbation, at best!
Aside from jerking it with your off-hand, which is a good tip in itself, if a bit basic, you can use your other hand to stimulate all of your other erogenous zones to help build better orgasms and increase your wanking pleasure.
Get in there!
Fondle those balls! Finger that ass! Whatever blows your hair back! Making use of your other hand is one of the easiest, most overlooked ways to improve your jerk-off game.
Straddle The Edge
"Edging" is a technique where you bring yourself right up to the point of orgasm and then holding off until the sensation of imminent orgasm passes and building to that point again.
You then repeat that process as many times as you want/can before finally allowing the dam to break.
This is an excellent technique that should be in every guy's sexual arsenal because it has some pretty desirable benefits when done properly.
First of all, when you finally do orgasm after all that edging, it's usually a real tear-jerkingly intense one.
Secondly, it's a great way to gain better control or even mastery over when you blow your load. With enough practice, you can choose the moment of release instead of just riding the wave into shore when it comes.
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Fleshlight Pink Butt Original |
The best way to practice edging is to get yourself a good male masturbator. For edging practice, you don't need anything too fancy.
A simple, non-powered Fleshlight should do the trick nicely without breaking the bank.
Milk It!
This is probably the most effective way to change your masturbation game of them all. If you aren't incorporating your prostate into your sexual excursions, solo or otherwise, you're really only getting half of the male sexual experience.
Worse yet, you're missing the best half!
If this is the first you are hearing of this, there are a few basic things you should know. The prostate is a gland that surrounds your urethra. It can be accessed via the rectum and stimulated using toys or fingers to produce mind-melting orgasms and even multiple orgasms- something most guys think is completely off the table for them.
Those are the broad strokes of the situation.
The topic can and has warranted a full article to itself which can be found here if you'd like to explore this more. I should probably add that you do want to explore this more- trust me!
BZZZZZZ BZZZZZZ...
Vibrators aren't just for lady parts, they do wonders for your wang too!
They are especially useful when you are exploring your body and seeking out which parts tingle most pleasurably because a vibrator really lets you know which spots are sensitive and which ones are just sorta "meh".
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Sensuelle Homme Rechargeable Prostate Massager |
They are especially powerful when combined with a prostate massager.
You can use it to stimulate yourself externally while your P-spot is getting worked over to produce outrageously pleasurable orgasms and unique sensations.
I also like to use them to press on the external part of a non-powered P-spot massager to add a little extra zing at the right times.
When it comes to a non-penetrating vibrator, there is nothing to compare with the good ol' Magic Wand. This bastard packs an eye-crossingly delicious punch that is basically unparalleled in the vibrator world.
I would also recommend getting some vibrating anal toys to really elevate your P-spot play.
Free Up Your Hands
There are a lot of new hands-free male masturbation devices that have begun to hit the market and nobody is more stoked than me!
I mentioned earlier that using your hands for exploring and stimulating your other parts is a serious upgrade to the one-handed technique and using these hands-free devices is like have an extra set of hands when it comes to that.
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LoveBotz Ultra Bator |
I've got a pretty extensive collection of sex toys, but my favorite is my LoveBotz Ultra Bator. I just pop my silent partner into this baby, turn it on, and I can work my dong while still having my hands free to fondle my balls, pinch my nipples, and work my prostate massager like a goddamned pro.
While these toys tend to be on the pricier side, it's definitely worth investing in at least one good one if you really want to take your sexytime to the next level.
Get Dolled Up
No, I don't mean dress up in a fancy outfit- though, that's pretty fun too- I mean get yourself a sex doll!
When they first hit the market, they were pretty much out of reach for all but the richest, most serious masturbators among us but these days, the prices have come down quite a bit and there are some cheaper alternatives to a full-blown doll out there.
Personally, I couldn't afford a full-size doll and my house is so small I wouldn't have a discreet place to put the damn thing.
I'd rather not have to explain to visitors, even if they tend to know I am a bit of a freak because they know what I do for a living. A stray dildo is one thing, but a whole fake person can still seem a bit odd, even to the most open-minded people out there.
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I did, however, manage to get my hands on the next best thing! I'm not sure what you call these toys exactly, but they are like partial sex dolls, usually just the torso. While you don't get quite as realistic an experience as you would with a full doll, you still get the added effect of having something to hold on to that feels squeezably real and you can plow just like a real guy.
The one I have even has a rather nice dildo built into the front and can be flipped over for anal fun before I finish off in the rear.
If you can get over the silly stigma attached to dolls and realize that they are just another sex toy like any other, a doll or half-doll is a great way to add some extra pizzazz and realism to your wanking sessions.
Final Bonus Round: Sound Off!
This one isn't for everybody, but for the more adventurous masturbator, it's well worth a try!
Sounding is when you insert a rod, usually metal or silicone, into your urethra.
It creates unique sensations and also offers a direct route to the prostate for those brave enough to travel down that road.
If you are completely new to this technique, you probably want to start off with something a little less intimidating than the full-on steel rods.
Silicone rods like these are a more beginner-friendly jumping-off place. Plus, they even vibrate!
Sounding isn't something you just jump into and learn by trial and error- you're going to want to do your homework before you begin so you know what kind of lube to use and to make sure you know all of the safe techniques.
I know this seems sort of horrifying to most guys at face value, but it's extremely pleasurable, despite what it seems.
Seriously, don't knock it until you try it!
Now, get out there and get busy, people. These dicks aren't gonna jerk themselves!
