Beyond the Booty: Frotting 101
Ever feel like anal sex is a chore that’s a bore? There’s so much more to gay sex than just butt stuff. I’m not even talking about oral sex or the five-knuckle shuffle. Frotting has been ingratiating itself into the mainstream gay scene faster than the Kardashians adopt our slang!
Frotage is a sensual, safe way to explore intimacy with your partner without all the required steps of anal penetration. That’s right, you can get your rocks off without douching! Pause for applause... Frotting provides stimulation to both (or all, frankly) parties involved, with each of you enjoying similar feelings. It’s almost like being closer to your partner while avoiding delays that come with preparing for anal.
Maybe you’ve heard about it on your alt social accounts, you know the ones where you follow all the porn stars that you hide from the family-friendly accounts? You’ve definitely seen it in porn and probably partook in the experience in the bedroom without even knowing! Look at you, you little adventurous fellow! But what the heck am I talking about? Allow me to explain:
WTF is frotting
Frotting or frotage gets its origins from a fun french word: frotter, basically translating to “to rub”. Have I lost you yet? Good! Frotage quickly became slang in the LGBTQIA+ world in the later ’90s when a gay male activist was effectively imparting some internalized homophobia on the masses, but it gets better!
Basically, he thought anal sex was bad, and taboo, even going so far as to say deviant. Now, I don’t know the way y’all get freaky, but not much of what I do in the bedroom would be considered taboo, but maybe I should get out more...
Back then, sorry for the elder millennials, but it was practically 30 years ago, HIV and AIDS were still on the rise and many members of our community were looking for safer ways to enjoy each other with less risk of contracting STIs. This meant getting a bit more creative with our man parts. We opened record numbers of sex clubs and adult playgrounds, but the bedroom was a new alternative for us! Frotting allows gay men to experience genital-to-genital intimacy, arguably the gayest sex you can possibly have.
So what do you do? Well, for starters, you rub your dick against another dick (or toy of your choice). That’s the short and sweet of it, but it’s so much more than that. No more back door checks, just hop on each other and enjoy it! Rubbing your penis against his, or in the general area of his cock can be more than enough stimulation to reach climax, believe it or not. It generally provides longer-lasting intimacy as it may not be as intensely stimulating as penetrative sex.
Frotage: the how-to sex-ion
Frotting requires you to face each other, and, generally, requires at least two penises or a penis and a phallic object. You don’t need to be hung like a horse, but, as usual, our uncut members do get a bit more stimulation than their cut counterparts. You can try multiple positions to really get the feel for the flavour of frotage, but there are some easy ones to get started with. It’s something that can be done with or without lube, and honestly, it’s better without it! Let your precum be the only thing between your cocks... or maybe a vibrator!
The easiest position for frotting is with both of you standing, front to front, dick to dick. You’ll want to be so close together that the bottoms of your cocks are touching each other and running in the same direction, which is likely up toward your belly button. From here you can bump and grind or one of you can reach down and stroke both cocks together in unison. This sort of one-handed approach is great for foreplay and can really get the pre-cum flowing. Standing frotage is also probably the only way you could involve a third man’s cock into the mix without getting into a human pretzel - so for you throuples, this is the position for you!
My go-to frotting position is laying down, since I usually top, this position reminds me most of the penetrative sex and makes me pre-cum like my cock’s a leaky hose. Again, you’ll want to be face to face for this as it’s kind of fundamental for frotage. One of you will be on your back and the other will get on top and press your body and cock into him. From here you can reach down and stroke both cocks or, alternatively, you can grind into each other. I find this position allows both of you to have great leverage to create a lot of friction between your dicks. I find it best when the guy on the bottom holds both cocks while the top slowly strokes his cock in and out.
If neither of these positions is really speaking to you, then you might want to try things sitting down! I’d go with a (strong) armless chair that’s not too wide or it’s going to feel like one of you is doing the splits. One of you will sit naked in the chair like you would any other day, but the other will straddle on top facing the one seated. This position might be a little more difficult if one of you isn’t a bit above average downstairs. There’s not as much ease of grinding here so you’re a little more limited to handling your cocks by, well, hand. The upside is this position allows the guy on top to lean back and enjoy the view. Another added bonus to this position is that you can get kinky pretty easily! Throw on a blindfold and cuff one of you to the chair and you literally won’t see what’s coming.
Run forth my frotteurists
Now that you know the basics, you might be really turned on! Someone who fetishizes this activity can describe it as frotteurism, but I prefer to say two cocks in the hand are worth one in the butt! Joking aside though, some other names frotage can go by is sword-fighting, another classic name in and of itself, or even the Ivy League rub - which is just hilarious but it’s really a thing.
If you feel like you might have dabbled in some frotage by proxy, you might want to consider making a whole thing of it. After all, why not, right? It can be incredibly pleasurable for everyone involved so there’s nothing really to lose. You can take time to make it something special or see how fast you can both cum from rubbing your cocks together, heck, why not try to cum at the same time and watch your loads mix and spill over each other’s throbbing cock.
So, how do you make frotage more intense? Well, this is where things get really interesting. If you have some very stretchy cock rings you can try putting one ring around both of your shafts, pressing them firmly together, and for an added kick put another around both pairs of balls. With this setup, every stroke will feel completely in sync with each other’s cock and tug in all the right places!
Another way to bring more pleasure to your next foray with frotting can be as simple as a vibrator. Whether it’s a bullet vibe, vibrating cock ring, or similar-sized vibrating dildo, both of you can enjoy the vibrations pulsing through your cocks. Sometimes I’ll even double penetrate a Fleshlight with my man until we both cum inside - not quite frotting, but a great way to finish, trust and believe! This can be a fun way to not so intimately involve a third member in the bedroom without the emotions of another actual person.
Room for one? More or less
You can enjoy frotting solo similarly to above by using a dildo or vibrator. It’s a great way to even just grasp the idea altogether. Find your favourite toy, big or small, and you’ll probably also want to grab your favourite lube, too. Similarly, you’ll want the underside of the toy pressing against the underside of your cock as you stroke and rub the two together. Obviously, there’s more stimulation with a vibrating toy, but it can be hot as hell to frot with your favourite oversized toy too! Pair your cock up against a monster dong and use both hands to edge yourself closer and closer to busting your load!
It doesn’t have to stop there either! Keep in mind how sensitive the head of your cock is, especially the frenulum - the underside of the glans. Ideally, you’ll be rubbing yours against his, but you can also rub your head against his balls. Personally, I love when things are getting really juicy and sticky with precum and my cock is well lubed, I’ll rub my cock into his pubes or happy trail. Even if he’s shaven - it’s actually almost more stimulating if he is - you’ll feel the tug and pull from every hair, it can be hot as hell.
Now if you want to involve a third into the mix like I said it’s probably easiest if you’re all standing. You’ll want to be in a triangle, all dicks pointing to the center. Whoever has the biggest hands can reach down and try to stroke all three cocks together or you can work together to rub all the man meat together. The third can also provide the hands in any position, so it’s not all that complicated to get them in there, but positions can feel a little exclusive.
As a throuple you could also try a classic double penetration position, two guys will be laying on the backs, legs overlapping, close enough together that your cocks are touching like other frotting positions. Then the third will straddle over either of you and stroke your cocks together with his. In this position, though, someone’s missing out on the view of three cocks in one place, which is kind of a hate crime.
With all this in mind, your next frottage session can’t go wrong! With two (or three) cocks in your hand, I’m sure you’ll be too busy to complain either way. Break out the poppers and enjoy stroking your cock against someone’s juicy man meat for a while, I’m sure you’ll both walk away from it glad you did.
