Sex itself is complicated enough. With all that life throws at us day after day, the most complicated part is often just finding time to do the deed in the first place. The modern world isn't very considerate of the strain it puts on our relationships and, often, neither are we.
It's easy to blame a busy work schedule, the kids, or finding time to go to the gym for our lack of sexytime but, ultimately, it's on us to make the effort to keep that fire kindled. If you're like the rest of us, you could probably use a few tips to help you find ways to keep that spark from going out.
Here are a few simple ways to fan the flames and keep your relationship red hot.
1. Manage Your Expectations
First of all, you have to take a long, hard look at your life and the factors that are affecting your schedule so that you can set some realistic expectations about how often you are going to be able to find free moments for a round or two of grownup patty cake.
If you have kids, school, an especially demanding job, or conflicting schedules, you are going to have to accept the fact that you are going to have fewer opportunities to get freaky than you might like. In situations like these, you have to be creative and snatch those intimate moments whenever you get the chance.
2. Replace Screen Time With Sexytime
Does this sound familiar? You get off work, come home, have a shower, and plop yourself down in front of the TV for a round or two of the latest Netflix series everyone is talking about. You watch your shows while your man makes pithy comments on some celebrity Twitter feeds and you both keep at it until one or both of you is ready for bed- You both fall asleep without much more than a quick kiss goodnight.
If that sounds familiar to you, your problem isn't finding time for sex- it's really that you aren't prioritizing it over vegging out in front of a screen. If you're both sitting around, basically doing nothing, why not break out the toys and make a night of it?
Seriously, most guys would answer, "Yes!", in a heartbeat if you asked them if they would rather fuck than watch the latest episode of American Horror Story. If you really want to make time to get down with your man, switch off the screens and use the time you already have.
3. Dress For Success
It's easy to fall into the trap of just throwing on your most comfortable clothes once you're nestled in for the night, but your most comfortable clothes aren't usually your most attractive clothes. Likewise, we tend to "let ourselves go" a little more easily once we've settled down into a certain comfort level with our partners.
Everyone now and then, we should resist the urge to jump into our jammies at the end of the day and make an effort to look good for our partners. Throw on that outfit he loves, style your hair the way he likes it, and get your manscaping in order and you'll find your man is suddenly a little more receptive to jumping into the sheets instead of playing phone games or watching TV.
I think you'll find that a little effort goes a long way here.
4. Stay Flirty
Flirting with one another kind of goes out the door after a certain amount of time has passed in a relationship. While this is fairly normal, it doesn't mean that it has to be that way. Keeping that flirtatious spirit alive in your relationship isn't even that difficult and it can be all sorts of fun if you keep at it.
Give your man's tush a little squeeze from time to time, shoot him a sexy look over the dinner table, toss around innuendo, whatever it is you do to show your sexual interest in a guy, and you'll find that he'll start doing the same. Even if you don't get a chance to get nasty that night, you are building up the anticipation of the time when you can. Build the anticipation enough and I guarantee you guys will find time to get freaky, whatever it takes to make that happen.
5. Prioritize Quality Over Quantity...
Sure, most of us would like to get laid on the reg, but you wouldn't be reading this if that was a reliable option. If you adjust your expectations of quantity and replace them with expectations of quality, you might be able to strike a nice balance between the two.
If you don't have time to bang a couple times a week and only manage to get down once in that time, make sure it's a doozy! Pull out all the stops and, more importantly, pull out all the toys- Really make a night of it!
6...But There's Nothing Wrong With A Quickie
Quality is definitely better than quantity, but beggars can't be choosers. Sometimes, life is just too hectic to block out a solid window of time to get super-freaky. That's where the quickie is your best friend.
Our relationships need physical and sexual contact to survive because that's how human brains form the chemical bonds required to make us want to stay together. If the only way you can get that physical contact is to bang it out in the precious few moments you have alone, bang it the fuck out!
It might not be the four-course oxytocin meal your brain is craving, but it should be enough to get you through the siege without starving. Just make sure the first chance you get to have a lengthy roll in the sack is a real blowout and you'll be fine!
7. Expand Your Definition Of Sex
Handjobs are sex. Blowjobs are sex. Mutual masturbation is sex. The one thing these things all have in common is that they are generally a little easier to sneak in than a full-blown bang sesh. Even if you have kids, it's not hard to pop up to the room for a quick blowie while they are outside playing in the yard or playing Fortnight in their room.
You can also sneak these activities in while you are outside the house and even get the added thrill of getting down in a novel place.
8. Shower Together
If you've been home for a while and your man comes home from work and jumps in the shower, jump in with him! He's already naked and soaping each other up and rubbing each other down in a steamy shower is sure to lead to something a little more extra than if you just let him do it himself.
I know shower sex isn't everyone's thing because it can be a bit difficult, especially if you have a tiny bathroom. I get it- but if you know what you're doing, shower sex can be an extremely rewarding and efficient way to get some physical time in with your man.
9. Break Your Routines
Humans are creatures of habit, by and large. When we find something that seems to be working for us, we tend not to want to change it. While that's great for staying organized and comfortable, routine is terrible for relationships, especially when it comes to sex.
If you find that the sex you do manage to have is pretty much the same old schtick, you might be getting closer to an important reason why couples have less sex- they're just kinda bored with it. If that sounds like you, it's time to switch shit up a bit.
Talk to your partner about things he would like to experiment with and share the things you'd like to try with him. Just having the conversation will probably be enough to stoke the fires a bit and actually getting down to trying out the kinky ideas you have will definitely get the fire raging.
10. Work Within Your Daily Routine
Okay, full disclosure- That's just a roundabout way of saying you should consider scheduling your sexytime. I hate to say it as much as you hate to read it, but sometimes that's just what you have to do to make sure the deed gets done. If your schedule is what is keeping you from finding time to spontaneously have intimate time together, use the schedule to ensure that you get that time.
While most guys, myself included, initially balk at the idea of scheduled sex, the fact that they are actually getting sex regularly tends to bring them around pretty quickly. You can even use the fact that you know when you are having sex to your advantage by turning up the flirtation and teasing each other in little stolen moments as the time to get down approaches. Crank up that anticipation enough and you're sure to have an epic bang session when the time finally comes.
Trust me, it can be a helluva lot sexier than it sounds on paper if you do it right!