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A lot of younger guys I meet complain about pain while having anal sex...
It's understandable, I used to have a pretty hard time with this myself when I first started banging guys. For a long time I just thought that it was part of anal and I would just have to learn to like it or something, that it was an acquired taste I just wasn't acquiring fast enough for my liking. But, anal sex isn't like stout beer, black licorice, or stinky cheeses - anal sex is sex and should be enjoyed for what it is, not what you think it should be.
The simple fact of the matter is that, in the beginning, anal sex does tend to hurt a bit. However, there are ways to ease yourself through this troubling and, possibly, confusing part of anal sexual exploration. I'm talking, of course, about anal stretching!
What is Anal Stretching?
It's pretty much there in the name! It's a method of working your way up through the insertion of progressively larger sized objects to achieve a more receptive, less painful butthole.
It's a little more complex than that but that's pretty much what we are talkin' about here. Putting something in your ass until it's no longer uncomfortable and then moving on to putting something larger in your ass and rinsing and repeating until you've achieved mastery of your anus.
Similar to the way you would exercise any part of the body, the anal sphincter muscles need to be trained to adapt to anal penetration. Anal stretching, also known as anal dilation, is the processes of opening up and widening the anal cavity through a variety of tools and techniques. More on that later.
Part of the problem with newbies is that are often not in touch with their bodies. They are exited to get started with anal, but not sure how to position themselves so they can enjoy it. Stretching the anus can help with both anal intercourse as well as with passing stools. The goal of anal training is to learn how to relax the muscles surrounding your backdoor, allowing for easier and more enjoyable penetration. Bottoming becomes a whole new game once you learn to relax!
Another important reason to anally stretch (or train) is to prevent injury. Anal fissures become more likely if you are tensed up. Aside from lots of lube, releasing tension and relaxing the sphincter muscles allows for smooth entry and exit.
The anal sphincter muscles role is to push out and hold things into the anus. Mentally getting in touch with your rear-end is crucial. Take a moment to squeeze and release, building that mind-muscle connection necessary for successful anal stretching.
FUN FACT: Nearly a quarter of gay men frequently get orgasms from anal sex alone
Now that we know what we are talking about here, let's move on to the meat of the issue. First, we'll look at some do's and don'ts.
Do - things to consider before anal stretching
- Be sure to use the bathroom before you begin
- If you're a little poopoophobic, you might want to consider an anal douche 3-4 hours before you start.
- Stop without hesitation the moment you encounter any blood or experience strong pain. The point is to push yourself to the point of slight discomfort, not to tear your ass up. If it hurts you need to stop. If it is just uncomfortable, you're doing it right!
- Start off with a smaller, smooth butt plug. Make sure it has a taper. Wouldn't want to lose it!
- Use a lot of lube. Seriously, you can't use enough lube! This is especially true for complete beginners.
- Use a lot of lube. No, that wasn't a mistake, I didn't double up on this one by accident. You seriously are going to need a lot of lube. Do yourself a favor and follow this advice. Don't get the cheap shit either! You'll be doing yourself a favor.
- Don't use anal numbing lube for anal training. It's important you be able to feel to know when to move on to a larger sized plug or if you've gone too far too fast. Again, pain is an important indicator.
Don't - things to avoid when anal training
- Don't force it if it hurts.
- Don't get ahead of yourself. Be sure to exercise a little patience. There's no need to go thrusting about now, that's what you're working up to.
- Train every day. It's a good idea to let your body adjust and rest after a good stretch session. I found a good 2-3 days to be sufficient, but you know your own body better than anyone and will find what works for you. Just be sure to give it a rest from time to time to avoid any injury.
- Start with a plug larger than 4.5 inches in circumference. Remember, the idea is to start small and work up.
The basic supplies needed for anal training is a set of graduated butt plugs of increasing diameters and a high quality anal lubricant. Additional tools can be helpful such as a lube shooter to help deliver the right amount of lube into your ass, as well as an anal douche to help clear out any unwanted backdoor surprises.
Technique - getting anal training done right
Now that we have the basic do's and don'ts out of the way, let's move on to technique...
Step 1 - getting warmed up and ready
First, you are going to want to find a position that's right for you. Then, relax and begin with your fingers. Don't just go jammin' them in there willy-nilly. This part of the exercise is to get you warmed up. You don't sprint a quarter mile to get warmed up for a marathon, the same idea applies here.
Just lube up your fingers and work them around your hole a little bit while trying to relax your anus. Using circular motions feel it out and massage it a bit. When you think you're ready, start to slowly insert them into your anus. Keep up that slight circular movement.
Once you are comfortable with the presence of one or more of your fingers in there, try to give a little stretch with your fingers and see how it feels. If you are comfortable with this, move on to step two.
Step 2 - training with anal plugs
Now, lube up your smallest sized plug and refresh the lube in your hole. Start to slowly insert the plug until it becomes uncomfortable. Remember, you want it to be uncomfortable, not hurt!
Once you reach the point of discomfort, leave it there for a few seconds and retract it. Then, slide'er back in there. Try to go a little further this time. If you can only reach the same point as before, no worries. Just keep repeating this process until you've managed to take the whole of your smallest sized plug.
Step 3 - becoming a master through practice
It get's pretty simple from here on out. You basically repeat the same process only with the next largest plug. Follow all of the same steps as the previous size. Remember, there's no need to rush. Did I mention you should use lots of lube?!
You'll want to keep this up until you reach master the largest plug you have. That's pretty much it! Just be sure you give yourself time to recover after each session and be sure to not attempt moving up to the next size plug to quickly, and you should be alright! You probably won't want to attempt more than one size plug per session when you first start out, but that's for you to decide.
I wrote this guide with the idea that you would be using a graduated series of plugs in mind. This is how I did it, and from talking with some people I know, that's pretty much the common way to go about it.
I don't recommend using increasingly larger dildos, because the tapered shape and graduated thickness of butt plugs make them ideal for this purpose. Your mileage may vary.
In any case, if you don't have a graduated series of butt plugs, they are pretty easy to find in any sex shop, on or offline, at prices that aren't going to rip you a new one. They usually come in sets of three, but I have seen some variation on that.
In any case, you should now have all of the knowledge you need to go forth and conquer your butthole and, with a little practice, you'll be well on your way to enjoying painless anal in no time!
Is anal stretching safe?
With any form of sexual play, correct technique and putting safeguards in place reduces the chances of injury. Always be aware of your limits, and never push yourself beyond what you feel comfortable with. Progress should be slow and consistent. No need to rush!
Always be sure to use adequate lube. The anal cavity has a thin and sensitive inner lining that requires consideration.
Will anal stretching permanently increase my hole size?
Unfortunately, as the region is made up of muscles, they will contact after you have been left alone for while.
This does not mean all that training is in vain. After each training session, your anus will become more accustomed to adapting to larger objects as you learn to relax. Your bussy will become a master at receiving the big D!
Will I get loose with too much anal stretching?
The tightness of your hole is determined by a variety of factors: how much you weight train (i.e squats), simple genetics, as well as how often you get pounded in the rear.
While anal will become more enjoyable and less uncomfortable the more you practice, your anus will usually maintain a level of tightness within a certain range. The elastic nature of the tissues in your anus adapt various levels of penetration. This is why if you stop getting fucked for a couple of months, it may take you a while to get used to taking dick again, while if you are a ‘frequent flyer’, she slips in each time with relative ease.
A quick note on technique…
As you are exploring, try plugging vs thrusting.
Initially, insert your plug, and let it sit there for a moment as your sphincter region relaxes and gets used to accommodating a foreign object. By the way, this is ALSO a good tip for anal sex (with a penis): get your top to slowly insert and stay still for a minute or two, before he starts pounding! This will allow you to relax, and sex will be a million times more pleasurable.
After you have inserted or ‘plugged’ your hole and allowed yourself a moment to relax, you can begin thrusting the plug in and out of your bum hole. A circular motion I have found feels the best…
Plugging your whole and then stroking your cock is also a good way to explore prostate stimulation. Contracting and relaxing your sphincter muscles while plugged, will take your orgasms to new heights!
Am I ready to size up?
The key factor is comfort level. Once you have mastered a particular size plug, dildo, or dare I say penis - level up to a bigger one. Always know your limits and explore slowly to avoid injury or discomfort.
FUN FACT: 45 percent say that they always — kiss after a blowjob.
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Additional resources you may found helpful:
- 10 Self-Care Tips for Better Bottoming
- A Newbie's Guide To Choosing Butt Plugs
- 14 Tips to Better Pleasure Your Bottom
- Let's Put The Power Back In Power Bottom
Original Publication: October 13, 2017