It's true; many people don't know how to be single. If you're one of them, and you just can't stop quoting Brittney's most significant hit because your loneliness is killing you, then this post is for you.
For many of us, being in a romantic relationship is something we aspire and look forward to, so being alone might bring us down on several occasions. Our best friends are getting into committed relationships or even getting married. Maybe our families are starting to see us as the single gungle (gay-uncle) who will never get someone for Christmas dinner. The truth is, we might begin to get desperate if we don't do something about it.
The solution to this it’s not running into a relationship like it’s nothing. That might actually be the reason you're alone in the first place. Chasing men and being desperate are two sides of the same coin, so you need to pull yourself together and snap out of it before you get into an endless cycle of dating and breaking up. Let me say it in other words: it's not them, it's you. Luckily, there are some things you can do to break the pattern and stop chasing men once and for all.
Here we'll give you a list of 10 things you can do:
1) Acknowledge there is a pattern
If you haven't been able to have a successful relationship, there's a huge chance you've been doing something wrong. Even if you're perfect and have been doing everything right and giving everything for him, that can also be a problem.
If you think about what all the guys you've dated have in common, the answer is you. Think about what you have done or how you acted when you were dating them to understand the attitudes that keep them away from you. If you can see how did it end and what made it that way, then maybe you can find the pattern and finally break it.
2) Avoid being ghosted
If he ghosted you, maybe it's because you did something wrong. Yes, being ghosted sucks, and many people do ghosting because they're gutless cowards who don't have the balls to face you and tell you to your face that they don't like you anymore. But what happened for him to stop liking you? Was it something you said? Was it something you did?
Truth is, you might be coming on too strong, and other guys don't know how to deal with you, so they decide they just won't deal with you. You need to chillax and take things slow, get to know the guy and try to get the indications if he's not into you.
It's as simple as this: Are you initiating conversation with him all the time? Is he just answering your texts or actually talking to you? If some of this rang a bell with you, you know he's not that into you, which leads us to our next topic.
3) Get the hints
Call it cowardice, call it courtesy, but most men won't come to your face and straight up say: "Hey, I don't like you anymore, I actually never liked you enough, so please stop texting because it'll never happen."
Most men will just send hints to let you know they're not interested in you, placing you in the oh-so-feared friendzone. If you're hanging out with your crush and he tells you things like "I'm super busy with work, so I can't hang out" or "I'm not looking to settle down," they're hints that they're not interested.
Reading between the lines and getting the hints is so hard because you like him so much you have a blind hope that something will happen between you two. But the reality is harsh, so you need to get those hints and move on before he decides to move on for you and ghost you or block you.
4) Stop doing his job
When we're dating someone, and we like him so very much, it can be easy to do his part in the relationship while doing our own. This means compromising and investing twice as much time and emotion into a relationship that's 99/1 instead of beginning 50/50.
Suppose you're so invested in the relationship because you think that guy's perfect. You're afraid you'll lose him, but he never shows interest in you. In that case, you'll start rationalizing, justifying, and excusing his actions, so you don't have to face the fact that he's not that into you. Don't do that; don't waste your time with that guy and move on.
5) Stop idealizing an idea
If you don't have a friend who's always in love with a different guy, who's always bragging on social media about this hunk he's dating which he's starting to plan a life even if they've just gone out once, then maybe you are that friend.
If you're constantly falling in love with a different guy you've just met, then you need to understand you don't love him; you love an idea of him because you don't even know him.
We try to show the best part when we first meet someone because we're taught that first impressions matter the most. So when this guy you just met smiled and talked so eloquently during your date and kissed you so well he sent you flying, you're falling in love with that fake perfect idea of him.
You need to get to actually know people before you can be sure there's potential love in there.
6) Text him when you're busy; if he likes you, he'll do the same
Work can overflow us many times, life can be messy and stressful, but if you like someone, if you're really interested in him, you need to make space to see him or at least to let him know you're thinking of him. It can be very easy to just text him, "Busy with work, talk to you later," but how would you feel if he sent you that message.
Let's go back to the previous point for a little bit. If a guy is telling you, "I can't now, I have work," you could interpret it as a hint of him not being interested in you. So, if you like a guy, why would you let him think you don't care about him or about making time to see him?
If you really like this guy you're dating, don't let your hectic life ruin it. Just communicate and let him know what's happening! Take some time to call him and let him know you want to see him (even if your calendar will keep you super busy for the next two weeks). It's entirely valid for making plans once you're done with your projects.
7) Understand he doesn't owe you a thing
We tend to believe that if we buy someone dinner, they owe us sex, and if we had sex, then we've become something else, but that's not true. If you have a date with a guy, you have a couple drinks, laugh a little, and you pay for everything, he doesn't have to have sex with you, and nothing can force him, and it goes the other way around too.
On the other hand, sex can mean nothing but sex (especially if we talk about gay men). Suppose you barely talked before banging in his room, and you barely talked afterward. Why would it be implied that there's something else between the two of you but sexual chemistry and attraction?
Just because he banged you real good, that doesn't mean he's your boyfriend.
8) Ask your friends for advice (and actually listen to them)
When we have a crush on a guy, we tend to see him as the perfect man, and your relationship (if there's even one) is excellent too. But this might not always be true, and who would give you a more accurate observation about it if not your friends.
We all have that friend we know will be completely honest when we ask them. Gay men are never mean, just sassy, right? So, go and ask that guy what he thinks about your man. If he tells you, "Oh, honey, he's not worth it," it can be a sugar-coated way to say to you that he's not that into you, or maybe he'll just go and tell you that you need to move on ASAP.
Now, if you have already asked a friend for advice, LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAID! Sometimes when we ask a dear friend, we expect them to validate the living shit out of us and say exactly what we're expecting them to say. After all, they want us to have what's best for us. So, if we're going to that friend who we know will be honest, let's listen to them because what they're saying comes from a place of love (and sassiness).
9) Put your ego aside
When a guy you like turns out to not like you back, it can be sad, it's true, but you can't let that hurt your ego or your self-esteem. If you have a date that turns out great on your side, it doesn't mean it is so great for them too.
Many factors can affect the way you're perceived by other people. So if he doesn't end up liking you back, don't hit yourself too hard; he doesn't even know anything about your yet. You need to know your worth and let him know that you can do better, or simply decide to move on and don't overthink about it; it's your choice.
10) Remember he's not "the one" (no one is)
Many people believe there's someone out there who's perfect for us, who's made for us, and we're destined to find them. Luckily, that's not true. Luckily? You may ask, and the answer is yes. Imagine if that was true and that perfect person end's up living in a country you'll never visit, and you never get to meet him?
Start valuing people for who they are and for what they bring to your life so you can actually start having realistic expectations of a romantic relationship. There are many men out there who can complement you in a "perfect" way, but that doesn't mean he's "the one" at all. In the end, nobody's perfect, so you need to get rid of that idea of the other half you're waiting for.