Has anal gotten boring for you? Are you bummed out by your butt play lately? Well, there’s so much more to anal play than penetration. In fact, anal play can have nothing at all to do with penetration if you don’t want it to.
Changing up your routine can be just the shift you’re looking for in the bedroom. Take your time and really explore his or your hole, there’s a lot of nerve endings for you to get pleasure from back there. Plus, everyone’s got one, whether you’re exclusively a top or a passionate bottom there’s plenty to try out.
I’ve got 9 tips to spice up anal sex for any gay couple.
Hopefully, you’re already familiar the basic unspoken rules of anal play, but in case you aren’t here’s a quick run over:
- Use lots of lube, don’t be shy
- If it’s been in your butt don’t put it in your mouth right away, clean it first
- Anal play shouldn’t be rushed, at least at first; no quick movements
- Have a place for lube or toys that you use during anal play (a towel works great!)
- Try new things on your own first if that makes you more comfortable
- It should never truly hurt, it might be intense, but there should not be pain
With that out of the way, Let’s get down and dirty.
1. Try deep sacral massage
Whether you buy a massage gun or use your hands, a sacral massage is relaxing and intimate. Since relaxation is key to enjoyable anal penetration, this is an easy intro to further anal play. After about 15-20 minutes he’ll be begging for a dick-down. You’re essentially massaging the entire pelvic girdle, which will help release a lot of tension, and some stress relief to boot!
These muscles are generally avoided by massage therapists due to their location so a partner can really help you relax. And, let’s be honest, massages feel pretty great, so what’s not to love about including this in your next anal play session. You won’t regret learning how to work these muscles even if you don’t always use this massage to lead into further play.
2. Start on the outside
Backdoor activities can feel pretty intense, even more so if you aren’t ready for them. I mean, you don’t even have to put anything inside the butt because pleasuring the outer area can feel really, really good.
You can massage around the anus to stimulate it, trying different motions and pressure. This way you get to see what you or your partner truly enjoys. Of course, you can lick around the area too and get his hole wet and juicy for penetration if that’s what you’re after.
The cheesiest tip I ever heard was to spell the alphabet while rimming him to give varied pleasure. It honestly, works because it feels like each movement is unique. I do this so regularly that I cycle through imaginary block letters or cursive writing to stimulate his opening.
3. Try stimulating lubricant
Whether it's warming or cooling, the unique sensation will feel totally different from what you regularly use. Some lubes are formulated to even bring more blood flow to the area to increase sensitivity. The main component in the warming lubes is generally propylene glycol, the same stuff that gives Fireball Whiskey its burn or capsaicin from peppers.
Menthol is typically the stimulant that causes a cooling sensation which also provides a unique sensation during anal play. There’s also the opposite side here, you can find desensitizing lube that helps you last longer. The biggest tip I can give here is to really, and I really mean really, avoid getting this stuff in your eyes.
I prefer the warming or desensitizing lubes myself, but I’m not really one to shy away from experimenting with cooling lube, either.
4. Create an anal play space
Sex can get messy, with lube, toys, and bodily fluids, there’s no end to the mess that can be made. Throw in that fact that we’re specifically talking about anal sex means that shit can literally happen at any moment.
Of course, there’s enemas and douches, but there can even be troubles from those too. Water or liquid that doesn’t get fully expelled might be compelled to once your butt starts relaxing into anal play. Having a space in your home specifically for anal sex can help avoid unwanted stains on things you love can give you a sense of ease too! Whether it’s temporary or permanent, this can be a space that you know is prepped and ready for anal stimulation.
Plus, seeing your partner set it up or even stumbling upon him in there waiting for you could be really fucking hot.
5. Give those cheeks some love
If the hole’s the goal then the cheeks are the gatekeepers. Bribe them with deep massage and you’ll have him moaning and groaning for more. Use whatever lube you’ve decided on and work the whole area. The side or edge of your hand makes a great massager for his crack, you can rub up and down his hole and even push more firmly with the heel of your palm. You can really get into his cheeks using your elbow like a true masseuse, just communicate to make sure you aren’t putting too much pressure because a little goes a long way, especially when using your elbow for massage.
My other massage tip here would be to use your thumbs to massage is hamstrings and under his butt cheeks. Of course, no one is stopping you from getting your tongue involved! I’d recommend natural lubes for this or your favorite flavored kind.
6. Get freaky in the bath or shower
If you’re worried about mess, then why not try being a little dirty in the places you get clean. Any mess can just be rinsed away, so it’s kind of ideal for anal play. We often design these spaces to be retreats of relaxation within our homes and what do we want when we’re exploring anal play?
Relaxed muscles! Between the warm water and calm surrounding, we’re often very comfortable in the shower or tub, so why not try a little anal play here too! Exploring each other in the bathtub can be really intimate and stimulating for you both. If you decide on the shower side of things instead then you may have an easier time accessing the goods you’re after.
I’d opt for shower time, but anal play in the bathtub can be really romantic.
7. Start on the small side
What I’m trying to say is no one wakes up and can take King Kong’s dick, so if you’re bringing toys into the mix, work that hole with smaller toys first. If I know butt play is coming, I like to shower and wear a butt plug for a bit before getting into anything.
And remember, just the tip isn’t a tiny dick joke, it’s really all you need for anal play. Most of the anuses nerve endings are right at the entrance. Deeper play can be very arousing, but it’s definitely not necessary. Try using just the head of your favorite vibrator or dildo to drive him wild. After some anal training, you’ll be able to take toys, and dick, deeper, and more easily.
8. Switch it up
Changing positions isn’t just for the penetrative side of sex. Doggy-style isn’t the be all end all either, actually, it’s not even my preferred anal play position. Obviously, give it a go and see what works for you, but there are a ton of positions you can try out. There’s even more if you’ve got restraints or bondage rope.
I love having him lay on his back then I push his legs up and over his head where I tie him up to our spreader bar. This way his hole is exposed and served to me on a delicious ass platter. You can get into all of your favorite penetrative positions, too, to see if they work for you two when you’re exploring anal foreplay. If he’s lying on his stomach, hook your arms under his groin and spread his thighs with your shoulders, his crotch will be lifted by your biceps and you can wrap your arms around to spread his booty.
It sounds a bit pretzel-y but it lifts and opens up his butt for a deep rimming.
9. Don’t forget you can stimulate elsewhere
Just because we’re talking about anal play doesn’t mean your erogenous zones aren’t still very arousing. When I’m eating ass, I’ll massage his butt and legs to make his hole twitch in my mouth. I’ll even massage from his lat muscles down his ribs. Of course, there’s the classic reach around to stroke his cock while playing with his hole. Vibrators can also pull a lot of weight when you start thinking this way.
Rub his perineum with the more intense modes that your toy has and watch him squirm in pleasure. It’s a great way to get prostate stimulation started without even penetrating him. If you’re really strong you could even try the infamous standing 69, that way the other area getting stimulated is your cock. It definitely is a feat of strength, but it’s really rewarding for you both
At the end of it all, communication is key. If you aren’t enjoying something or think it would be better if it moved just so, then speak up and say something.
Gay men aren’t too much different from straight dudes, a little instruction goes a long way to ensuring you’re pleasuring each other in all the right ways.
There are many more tips I could give to spice up your anal sex endeavors, but I’ll save those for another day. What are you waiting for? Find a hole, I mean person, to try these with ASAP!