In relationships that have lasted a long time, how do you keep the spark alive? One way I’m a huge fan of that works incredibly well for me and my partner is birthday sex. Really, any special occasion gets turned into a lengthy sex sesh if I have it my way.
Anniversaries, final exams, fuck, even his recent promotion at work was celebrated with a lengthy fuck-fest. It’s music to my ears when he says, “That’s, like, at least the top three fucks in my life.” I try to go big every time and any time I can. It keeps him on his toes as he doesn’t know what he’s ever in for, but we’re still very communicative and if he needs a moment, or I do, we take it.
This may sound weird to some of you, but for us it’s one of the best parts about our relationship. We both get a kick out of it, it gives us something to look forward to, and we’ll even hold off until the special day to make the session that much more intense. We’ve made up micro-anniversaries to celebrate, like buying our house or the very first day we met, honestly any excuse to get him naked and I’m game.
So, if you’re looking to add emphasis to a special occasion, or maybe you botched your first Valentine’s Day, I’m the one that’s here to help guide you through the secrets to getting it right the next time you have an event worth celebrating. Which is, like, all of them, right?
I’m no stranger to birthday sex, so I put together the best pieces of guidance I can offer, below:
How do you prepare?
The most commonly brought up starting point is douching. But it’s not super necessary, or good for you. So, I recommend at least cleaning the area, my man uses a coffee scrub which has him smelling fresh and ready for action.
My partner and I have been doing this for years, so for us it’s almost an expectation that an upcoming event is going to end in intense climaxes for us both. But if you’re just starting out, where do you begin?
Talk it through with your man, I’m sure he’s open to celebrating with sex. Knowing about it in advance lets the sexual tension skyrocket. My man usually starts riling me up a week before, which results in a few more escapades before, but I’m not complaining. Voicing his sexual desires not only turns me on, but clear communication is healthy for your relationship.
We don’t throw rose petals out because we both work from home, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t. Setting the mood is key, if I’m breaking out the whips and restraints, I like to darken the room with our black out blinds. On the other hand, having the windows wide open to the world we’re in view of, adds a layer of exhibitionism that can really excite us both.
If you’ve been in a rut or maybe you’ve just never tried this in your LTR, I highly recommend highlighting your next big event by doing the horizontal, or vertical, shuffle with your man.
How do you make it bigger than just everyday sex?
Honestly, watch some porn. Research goes a long way in any project and impressing your man sexually might mean learning a new move or two. Trying something new, that you could end up enjoying, is a great way to celebrate a special occasion. Opening up about any sexual fantasies to each other can really go a long way to hooking you both onto the idea.
Things like setting the mood with candlelight or throwing on a video of his favourite pornstar can be just as exciting as new toys. With my partner we love buying each other new underwear secretly. Whether that’s a new jockstrap or briefs, I’m not saying you have to go for less coverage than you’re comfortable with but try revealing new undies to your man. You can be a little sly at home or show them off cheekily in public, your call.
If you really want to up your game I recommend a bottle of flavoured lube and Dr. Joel Silicone Ridged P, I call him the Doctor, if you really want to blow his mind. Prostate massagers like the Doctor can be a lot of fun in or out of the receiver’s hole. With powerful vibrations you can pleasure your partner in any position or stage of intercourse you’re in. Elevating foreplay with this toy is easy, and don’t get me started on how fun it can be during penetration.
Slow down, cowboy, you’re in for a treat.
The biggest tip I can give, besides the obvious, is to slow the fuck down. Draw out everything you’re already comfortable with. You love eating ass? Great, do it for 30 minutes instead of 5, make him beg for your member. Prolonging what you’re already comfortable with is going to make the experience that much more manageable if it’s your first birthday bang.
Even slowing down your stroke game will drive him mad, whether you’re in control riding or you’re doing the fucking. Slow penetration builds anticipation and you can surprise him with a quick thrust. Even take breaks from penetration and incorporate a booty massage. You’re going to build up so much sexual tension you’ll erupt like a volcano later, even more so if you implement classic edging techniques.
Going slow lets you observe every second of your partner’s intimate reactions that much more closely. So, whether you’re top or bottom, sub or dom, or something in between - vers first, bitches - when you take time with your partner you’ll reveal a lot more nuances to what they enjoy sexually. Going slow will improve your skills in the bedroom.
Toys are your friend...
If you’ve never tried toys with your partner, I’m sorry for you both, but also, it’s never too late to try. A good toy can feel like there’s an extra party in the room or like an extension of your partner. Whatever your fantasy here, there's a lot to explore.
For the size queen in us all a girthy dildo can go a long way. Try out my personal favourite dildo, the Ballsy Cock by Crystal Jellies Dildos. The texture drives me mad and the girth is perfectly insane. You’ll feel full, but it’s really manageable because it’s not ridiculously huge.
Another favourite from my personal collection is the Manhandler, again for the size queen (seeing a theme?), you’ll get the DEEP penetration you’re looking for without the intensity of extreme girth. It can add a lot to the bedroom if you’re looking to get a LOT deeper inside your tush. The handle is really the selling point because you have a dedicated grip you are in so much more control of the toy.
I’ve already mentioned prostate massagers, and they’re fucking amazing, but my next favourite toy is just as accessible for everyone’s sexy time. The Sport Fucker Motovibe Rev Cockring is a premium cockring, sure, but it is also a powerful source of intimate vibration. I personally love a good cockring, but I know they’re not for everyone. Try out different materials and sizes before you rule them out. The rock-hard erections and added veiny-ness can be really eye-catching.
If you’re already comfortable with toys in the bedroom I recommend introducing a little BDSM if you’re both down. Starting with a blindfold and ball gag can really take things up a notch. The ultimate add in that I recommend is getting your hands on a quality under the bed restaint, can turn mundane, vanilla sex into something a little more dominate that’s easy to get into.
Communicate with your man.
Maybe he’s very comfortable where you two are at sexually right now or he could be open to a lot more, but is just as hesitant as you. Creating a clear and open dialog is the foundation of a healthy relationship and that goes for your mutual relationship with sex, too!
Talking about my sexual fantasies with my man has almost always ended in trying something new out mid conversation! You should both feel comfortable talking about your sex life with each other. Discussing the things you’re open to in the bedroom, or outside of the bedroom for that matter, can bring you two closer than ever before.
Whether you want to try public sex, which is illegal but also hot as fuck, or you want to get into fisting, communicating these desires with your partner is the first step. I have a rule with my partner, I’m willing to try anything at least once. This way he’s always comfortable bringing up new fantasies with me and has no reservations about talking to me about our sex life.
Trust me, celebrating with sex is the best thing since carbs. The build-up and anticipation is just as valuable and hot as the deed itself. Preparation is key and it’s important that you know what each of you is looking for out of this endeavour. It doesn’t even have to be that grand, prolonging the things you already enjoy, like foreplay or mutual oral is a great place to start, or end for all I care.
Planning your special occasion sex sesh together will help get you both in the mood. Order some toys and surprise him the day they arrive or wait until the day you’re both anticipating. I love a good unboxing tease, whether its new undies or new toys. My man and I try to wait for each other both to be available so that we can enjoy the process from start to finish, together.
Like everyone has always said, sex doesn’t have to be penetrative and that goes for celebratory and special occasion sexy time, too. If you’re not comfortable with penetration or maybe douching didn’t go well today, communicate your needs with your partner. Being open and honest with each other is what makes this whole thing that much more enjoyable.
If you’ve never had birthday sex before, you’re in for a treat, my friend, and I hope you get to get your rocks off on your special day with your special man!