A clean house and good grammar get my rocks off. Speak nerdy to me in a spotless kitchen and I’m liable to climb on the counter and throw my legs to the gods. While I recognize this may be a niche fetish, it does, however, help us understand that arousal is often more than just a pretty face and a rockin’ hard cock.
Each of us is hardwired to respond to triggers in our environment that give us that pleasurable twitch in the undies. Sexual arousal comes from a variety of sources and can have us popping subconscious boners for seemingly no reason at all.
I’ll be the first to admit I have navigated through some awkward shopping trips where I suddenly feel like my cock is twelve inches long and my pants feel tighter than a virgin asshole, but I digress.
Our brains respond to our environment, which is filled to the brim with triggers inciting our own sexual arousal.
Sights, sounds, smells and touch take us from puritanical prude to lubricous lust in a flash. Let’s take a closer look at some non-sexual turn-ons that have us gagging for more.
1. SCENT
A smell in the air can have a potent effect on arousal. Let’s be honest with each other for a moment, we all know that in the throws of anal sex, off-scents can be off-putting and serious bottoms know the importance of a clean hole, and the impotence of the alternative. Scent can have influential effects on one’s mood. I’m not necessarily talking about purchasing tinctures and incense, but scent can have a powerful affect on our sexual arousal, whether this is a conscious thought or not.
Scent triggers could be easily identifiable: the cologne of an ex, the shampoo from the gym, the sweaty floor of the bathhouse. We are transported to places simply by the aroma that drifts through the air. Even the subtle scent of another man drifting from my partner’s neck can set off a whole cuckhold fantasy (Gay Cuckholding 101) worthy of the nine inch dildo I used to finish myself off. The point is, scent is powerful. Discover the scents that incite reaction in you or your partner(s).
If it turns you off, learn how to avoid it, if it turns you on, learn how to harness it. For some it is a simple vanilla candle to match the vanilla sex we all enjoy now and then, others it may be a spray bottle filled with the sweat of a virgin that gets you randy, as long as both the vanilla and virginal musk are ethically sourced, explore them!
2. LIGHT
I don’t know about you, but light affects my mood in strange ways. White light versus yellow light, overhead light versus lamp light, dim light versus no light. We are all affected by light and our mood is not immune. Stark, fluorescent lighting does not instil the warmth and comfort we look for in places we choose to relax, let along have sex. Think last call, when the club lights go on and the sweaty, drunken reality of the night comes into full focus. Spend some time considering the mood lighting that will make you comfortable.
For many, a dim light helps alleviate the self-consciousness we all harbour while illuminating enough for you to enjoy the view. Other times, the sheer curiosity of the dark can be incredibly arousing. There is a reason why the dark hallway of cock and ass in the basement of the bathhouse incites your inner voyeur (Bathhouse First-Timers). Like mood lighting, a complete lack of lighting at all helps our imagination fill in the gaps (sometimes literally) while also playing into those feelings of anticipatory lust.
Not knowing in a dark room where that wandering hand (was it a hand?) or exploratory tongue will go next sends many of us into sheer ecstasy and lighting (or lack thereof) is what gives us that heightened sense of imagination and anticipation.
Try waiting for your next suitor in a dark room and relish in the sexy anticipation of his touch...
3. MOVEMENT
This one may seem overtly sexual, and true, a cock slapping against your face is hardly subtle and entirely sexual (Foreplay) , yet non-sexual movement has the real potential to excite. Sometimes this is obvious; a sexy guy stretching in the gym can be a pretty predicament when I’m staring down a pelvic thrust yoga-style.
Likewise, a certain swagger in a man’s step can leave us swooning over that masculine energy. We notice movements, and often we respond. It’s the same science we use when taking our cues from body language. I’ve got a thing for a man taking a swig from a bottle, it oozes a masculine energy and closing his lips around a tall slender bottle, well, you can see the vision.
Perhaps it’s the way he is sitting or his impressive athleticism or his upturned body rolling beneath a car to tinker with whatever’s under the hood. We notice these movements because it plays into a fantasy of our own creation.
Spend some time catching which movements cause tight-whitey tension and take notice of the movements that ignite interest from others.
4. SOUND
We’ve all heard something that makes our ears perk. Those satisfying soundbites which grasp our attention and, at times, give us all the feels. Sound, like all our senses, is a powerful factor in sexual attraction. In its most prevalent form, the sound of a voice can make a lasting impression. As an example, the delicious huskiness of a radio voice inevitably ends in a google image search for the face behind the sound.
We are intrigued based entirely on our interpretation of someone’s voice. We make assumptions, we create personas and we create elaborate fantasies simply because of an appealing voice and sometimes this stimulates us into arousal. I’ll be frank and let you in on an embarrassing secret; any time I heard President Obama’s silky vocals echoing through the TV I would lose myself for a moment in an Oval Office fantasy, Lewinsky style.
It happened so quickly and naturally; transported by the dulcet baritones of the 44th. This extends beyond simply a sexy voice. Sound association is our ability to hear one sound and immediately connect it with another. If you have ever heard someone going to town on a popsicle you’ll know what I mean. The crack of a whip or the sound of a long, almost moaning exhale can send our mind spiralling to the gutter.
Sound can also refer to music. While music during sex has never worked for me, many enjoy setting the mood with a romantic song or two.
I wouldn’t run to Adele 19, 21 or even 25, too sad. Nor would I opt for a more obvious ‘Let’s Get It On’ by Marvin Gay. A soft John Legend, perhaps a slow Whitney cover, something that won’t distract or drown out some of the more enjoyable sounds of sex. We can use sound to enhance the experience, just beware of any vocalists in the orgy, this isn’t American Idol and we aren’t competing here... Whitney obviously is unbeatable.
Sensory stimulation involves more than the obvious. We have built incredible memories around the subtle stimulants in our lives and these create and guide us on our own sexual journeys.
To ignore these environmental stimulations is to really deny yourself the joys of true sexual liberation.
We are often taught to hide, resist and be shameful of our sexuality and sensuality, but understanding how our lives are intersecting experiences which include sex as a critical component helps us harness the power of non-sexual arousal to enhance and enjoy our sex lives.
So next time you’re feeling horny AF, trace the beginning of that horniness. Light a candle, lower the lights, fire up old press briefings from the Obama administration. If anything, it’ll smell nice and you won’t hear any of those well, unpleasant sex sounds that can escape every now and then... and that’s really a win for everyone.
