There is a long standing rumor amongst those not in the know about bisexuality, involving the false idea that bisexual men and women are just one or two experiences from being or becoming “full-blown gay.” Other than the transgender community, bisexuals, especially men, are given are hard wrap sheet and are often mis-categorized by the aforementioned stereotypical tropes and misinformation. In short, it is not easy for bi guys to exist in a heteronormative world, let alone date. And let alone be bisexual when gay men are so quick to categorize and label everyone and everything with a subtitle and label.
Tip #1: Be true to yourself.
You don’t have to answer to anyone and your sexuality and preferences are yours and yours alone. Who cares, in the end, what other people think? As long as you are healthy, happy, and content with your life and who you have sex with, there should be no reason you should ever be judged or critiqued by the people you choose to love, date, and have sex with.
It really is no one’s business, but your own. In a world of black versus white, it isn’t easy to be the “grey’ in the orientation color palate. As long as you’re honest with yourself, who give a f^&* what others think about you.
Tip #2: Don’t be scared to do some research.
While sex is sex, intercourse between two men has some interesting biology involved. It is advised to know exactly what you are getting yourself into if you’re a bi guy curious about sex with other guys. There’s no harm in googling, watching porn, asking questions of your gay friends, and watching/reading lectures about the subject. The more informed you are, the better you’re going to be going into having sex with another guy.
And the less likely you’ll be in for a surprise when things do get physical. The more in the know you are, the more likely you are to enjoy the experience. And let’s face it: preliminary research is like foreplay and can be a turn on.
Tip #3: Think about easing your way into gay sex with a bisexual threesome involving you, another guy, and a woman.
You’ve hooked up with plenty of women, no sweat. Instead of jumping right into butt sex with just another dude, a threesome might be the best opportunity to try things with a guy with the comfort of having a female present to feel safe and at ease with the situation. She’s already going to be into you both, and having her there can help serve as a buffer between the two of you males. There’s safety in numbers, as the saying goes, and a MMF threesome might just be the ticket for you to feel comfortable with gay sex.
Tip #4: Go into it with an open mind.
For all you know, you might have an attraction to men, but the physicality of hooking up with one naked mightn’t actually appeal to you. There are plenty of sexual activities that two males can engage in with one another, and they all don’t always involve butt stuff. You don’t even necessarily have to engage in intercourse at all with a guy and still be open to your bisexual curiosity of other men.
If you go into the exploration of your curiosity with an open mind you won’t be disappointed no matter what happens. No expectations means no disappointments later on.
Tip #5: Check out the apps.
Fortunately for you, this is 2021 and finding guys to talk to should be no problem at all. Check out the applications designed for gay and queer men looking to meet up with one another. Grindr, Scruff, and Tindr are great places to start. Nothing says you have to immediately go hook up with anyone you talk to on these apps. But you might gain some information and desired clarity about sex and relations with other guys by fishing and looking around on these apps.
None require you to put any more information on them than you are willing to digest, so feel free to be as open or closed on them as you want to. Look around, check out the available guys, and see what is available on the meat market.
Tip #6: Take it slowly.
Who says you have to rush out and do anything with anyone? Your sexuality is yours and yours alone. You’ve gone your entire life without experimenting with other guys, and there is nothing stopping you from jumping in full throttle or taking it slowly, step by step. Find someone who is willing to go at it at your pace, and understands that this IS your first time at the rodeo.
Go slow, and really enjoying opening yourself up to the world of man on man sex. Or don’t. It’s your body, and your choice as to who and what you are willing to do with it. There will be pros and cons with whomsoever you choose to first experiment with, but it is entirely up to you how far you are willing to explore the first time out.
Tip #7: You aren’t obligated to do or be anything you don’t want to.
There is a lot of stigma and stereotypes against bisexuals, especially bi men. Don’t fall into the trap or let other people try and dictate how you should feel or what you should be. You’ve no reason to clarify anything with anyone, and are certainly not obligated to announce to the world or on dating apps that you are bi. If you feel like announcing it is the right thing to do, then do it. Otherwise, it’s up to you how much you divulge and what you get yourself into.
No one should ever make you feel obligated to justify your existence as a bisexual man curious about other men. You do you, boo. No one has to live with the decisions you make or life you choose other than you, and the only person you are truly going to disappoint is yourself.
Tip #8: Prepare yourself for inevitable rejection.
Guess what? Men can let your down just as easily—if not worse than—as women can. There are a lot of queer men who have the aforementioned biases against bisexual men, and will refuse to date or hook up with you. Don’t let these guys get you down. Meanwhile, there are plenty of gay men only interested in hooking up with bisexual guys. No matter what your flavor, don’t get discouraged if the guy you first think is going to be the one to show you the ropes ends up not as good as planned or rejects you from the get go.
Remember, life is full of rejection, and when one bi window of opportunity closes, another door opens, ready to welcome you in. If you let every negative situation affect you in your new evolution, you might end up missing out on some great opportunities. Just don’t get hung up on the ones that didn’t end up working out in the end to your liking.
Tip #9: Get yourself a toy or two.
One way to determine if the gay sex route is the right one for you is to experiment with yourself and your own body. There are plenty of toys out there to help you simulate sex with another man without having to put yourself in the physical presence of another dude sans exploration. For a fun masturbator, try the Cobra Libre II from Fun Factory if you are looking for the way a man’s mouth and ass feel wrapped around your dick. Or if anal play is more up your ally, try a basic dildo to see how your ass handles that kind of stimulation. The 6 Inch Realistic Dildo from Doc Johnson serves as a great introductory dildo for beginners. Keep your ass clean and ready for attention with the Clean Stream Enema Bulb. And try some advanced anal play with an introductory butt plug: The B-Vibe Snug Butt Plug.
Tip #10: Reach out to someone who you know is gay or bi and ask them for advice.
The more you know, the better understanding you’ll have of what you’re looking for and getting into. The internet is a powerful place, so even if it means finding someone online to connect with, having an ally is always a great place to start. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be a friend, as long as this person is a confident you feel comfortable confiding with.
Check out some lgbt groups on facebook and instagram. Visit your local LGBT center’s website, or try and find someone to connect with on one of the dating apps. No matter where you look, you’ll find someone out there willing to be a shoulder to cry on, a bit of advice, or someone with words of wisdom willing to share their knowledge and experiences with you.