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10 Tips To Help You Explore Your Sexuality

explore your sexuality

Socrates once said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I think this is doubly true for the unexamined sex-life. As it is with most things, society would have us believe that human sexuality is a pretty cut and dry concept. You're either gay, straight, or bi, and that's about it.

Some of the more "nuanced" thinkers might even speak of asexuality, but such high-minded sexual philosophers are too few and far between. Hell, most people spend their lives wrestling with the issue of their personal sexuality, never really coming to an understanding about such an important aspect of themselves. Worse, some don't even realize this is the case!

Let's try to put an end to that, shall we? Here are 10 tips you can use to help you avoid the tragedy of living the un-examined sex-life.

1. Sex Is More Than Just Penetration

penetration

I mean, that's often a big part of it, obviously, but that's not all there is to it for many people. For some people anal sex isn't their thing- they would rather express their physical affection in other ways, such as hand jobs, blow jobs, or even no sort of job at all past a cuddle job. Sometimes people prefer mutual masturbation over all else. No matter what you prefer, sex is more complicated than put tab A into slot B and see what happens. Since sex is such a highly subjective matter of personal preference, it's hard to really say that sex has to be penetrative to be sex. As long as the form of your physical affection satisfies you and your partners, you shouldn't let anyone convince you that your definition of "sex" is any less valid. 

2. Work Out The Kinks!

kink

Many of us grew up in environments where sex was considered shameful or taboo. We are often left with feelings of guilt over our sexual urges, especially those that are considered to be unorthodox or outright perverted. This is a load of bullshit. Everyone has little kinks and preferences that lie outside of the socially "acceptable" forms of sex. The only way to escape those socially ingrained feelings of guilt or awkwardness about our kinks is to explore them fully and embrace them. If covering yourself in chocolate sauce and getting spanked with a whack-a-mole mallet is your thing, then you should fuckin' rock that til the wheels fall off. As long as nobody is getting hurt and it's all consensual, it's all in good fun.

3. Explore Your Sexuality

I know this may seem like a redundant thing to say given the point of this whole article, but it bears repeating. Especially in light of the previous point. Maybe you have kinks that you know about, but the world is a big place full of all sorts of delightful sexual quirks. Maybe you aren't into the chocolate sauce mallet spanking I have referred to, but have you ever tried it?! Maybe there is more to it than you think! Until you open yourself up to unimagined sexual practices, you will never really know what you like. Don't let your social programming or fear of the unknown prevent you from discovering what you really like. Get out there and try something new from time to time! You might like what you find.

4. "Slut" And "Prude" Are Just Ugly Words

gay slut

...and you probably shouldn't use them. Seriously, some people like to binge watch TV shows on Netflix, some don't. Some people like to like to eat more than others. Neither is any better or worse a person for it, either.So why should it be any different for people who do, or do not, like to fuck as much as others? Pretty much any time you're using a word that shames a person for something harmless that they enjoy or avoid, you're being a total dick. Let's try not to be total dicks. The world is full of judgmental bastards, there's really no need to add to the pile.

5. Polyamory Is More than An Excuse To Cheat

Monogamy is, in my mind, one of the most detrimental social pressures I can think of. The simple fact of the matter is that some people just can't live a happy life with only one partner in it. Due to societal conditioning based on hundreds of years of Judeo-Christian dominance of social acceptability, the idea of a person being able to love more than one person at a time is an ingrained psychological trait for most people. Many cultures throughout history have accepted the fact that, for many, it is not only possible to love more than one person at a time, but is actually a personal imperative for many people. If polyamory is for you, there is no need to be ashamed of that fact. Don't let a few thousand years of cultural conditioning stand in the way of your happiness.

6. It Is Possible To Have A Happy Open Relationship

Whereas some people are definitely capable of loving more than one person at a time, as in the case of polyamorous people, it is also possible to love just one person but still have sex with others. Another common misconception people have about love and sex is that they are one and the same. This simply isn't true. A loving couple who are honest and open with each other about their desires to have sex with multiple partners while still being devoted to each should have no problem maintaining an open relationship. It takes a lot of trust, honesty, and consideration for your partner to achieve this, but shouldn't every healthy relationship have those qualities anyway?

7. You Are More Than A "Top" Or A "Bottom"

top or bottom

Your preferred method of fucking has very little to do with who you are as a human being. All too frequently in the gay community, people like to use "top", "bottom", and "vers" as a way of categorizing or pigeonholing a person into a certain role or identity. We all need to cut that shit out. Don't let others define who you are based on how you like to fuck. It's just silly and unhelpful.

8. Sexuality Is Not An A Or B Thing

I touched briefly on this notion in the opening paragraphs, but it is another thing that bears further inspection. Sexuality is, and always has been, a very wide and diverse spectrum. All too often we try to define ourselves as this or that using the flawed metric of society's understanding of sexuality. Have you seen society lately? I wouldn't trust those people to define the word "cat" let alone what is or is not acceptable in the realms of sexuality. You might as well define yourself as a person based on which flavor of ice cream is your favorite. It's a sucker's game, don't be foolish enough to play it!

9. The Same Thing Applies To Gender!

gender fluid

By now most of the more forward-thinking people of the world have come to realize that gender is a bit more complicated than "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina". Frankly, for my two cents, gender isn't even a thing that exists. It's just another social construct used to categorize and separate people into this or that camp. It's a function of the "Us and Them" mentality that has caused nothing but trouble for as long as humanity has been in the business of humaning and, thus, is pure garbage. If you have a penis and you want to wear a dress, does it matter if you have the label of "male" or "female". Why not just throw on the dress and dispense with all the bullshit of wondering what that means aside from the fact that you have a penis and like to wear a dress?

10. Don't Be Afraid To Share Your Desires With Your Partners

gay draculah

This is probably one of the most important pieces of advice I could give when it comes to the topic of sexual exploration. How are you going to experiment with your desires and curiosities without having someone working in the lab with you? Being open, honest, and forthcoming with your partner about your sexual desires will help you overcome any lingering embarrassment you may have about them, and will offer you the chance to fully explore all those things you keep hidden from others. You'll never be able to explore your "darkest" fantasies until you are brave enough to bring them into the light. It's a fear well worth facing.

In the end, how you choose to explore your sexuality, or even whether or not you explore at all, is as personal a decision as your sexuality itself. Hopefully these tips outlined above are enough to get you on the right path to find the sex you need to keep a smile on your face for years to come.

Just remember, the best part about exploring your sexuality is the trip, not the arrival. Honestly, there probably is no arrival anyway, so just keep searching and enjoying that search for what it is. Either way, I hope you have one hell of a wild ride!

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