10 Ways To Be A Better Top
While relatively few men self-identify exclusively as tops, somewhere around 11%, and only about 10% identify exclusively as bottoms. This means that the rest of the guys, with the exception of those who don't engage in anal sex at all, are at least playing the role of the top at one time or another.
With this in mind, I thought it would be good to offer this short list of tips to help you treat your bottom's bottom the way it should be. Because most of the physical aspects of good sex are largely subjective and prone to change from partner to partner, I thought adopting a more thoughtful approach might be a better route to take.
So, I have decided to take a more psychological approach to the matter and to come at it from the angle of acknowledging the importance of being present and mindful while playing. Here are twelve practices that will help you be a better top for your bottom.
This means both mentally, and physically. If your head isn't in the game, your partner is going to feel it and the sex will probably not be all that great for either of you.
If your partner is fired up and ready to go, but you're not exactly there yet, you might consider asking them if they'd like to take the reigns for the ride ahead this time or maybe consider a lower impact form of getting each other off.
As far as physically preparing is concerned, it might not be a bad idea to make sure you are all nice and fresh downtown. It's also a good idea to do a little manscaping ahead of the big event. This sends a message to your bottom that give a shit about what's going on and care about their level of comfort and enjoyment as well, and that's just plain sexy.
Use A Cockring
This is a bit of advice that falls squarely outside the theme of mindfulness I alluded to previously, but I think it is still an important thing to mention in any guide about being a better top. Cockrings are a surprisingly useful toy for being such a simple device.
For one, I think they just look hot. I don't know what it is but, for me and a few guys I know who agree, they're visually hot.
Setting the look of the thing aside, they also offer firmer erections, longer lasting wood, and add a layer of sensual diversity to the experience. I am especially fond of the rings that go around the cock and balls because I love the way a guys ringed balls feel as they slap against my ass. Either way, most bottoms will agree, that firmer, longer lasting erections are a definite plus in a top. Put a ring on it, guys!
Pay Attention To Your Partner's Mood
Just because you're in the mood for a trip to the rodeo doesn't necessarily mean your partner is. It's a good idea to feel out the mental state of your partner before charge ahead. If you engage in physical play and you find your partner is moving a little more slowly or taking a lot of extra time to kiss and feel you up, they might be looking for more of an emotional, slower, and sensual ride that builds up to a big finale.
Of course, the opposite might just as easily be true. Perhaps your partner is in the mood to have your dominance exerted upon them. Sometimes a bottom just wants to get thrown down on the bed and wildly fucked.
Knowing the difference between these moods can make all the difference between having amazeballs sex and simply having a decent fuck, from the perspective of the bottom.
Verbalize Your Pleasure
Self-centered tops are the worst. Seriously. Nobody wants to fuck a guy who just jumps on you and starts silently pounding away without any indication of appreciation or consideration for their partner. It just comes off as narcissistic and even a bit creepy, at times.
Let your partner know how hot they are. Be sure to verbally acknowledge your pleasure. Say something filthy, compliment them, tell them how good it feels to be inside them, and just generally show that you are present in the act and not just running through tomorrows errands in your mind while you are getting your nut.
If you do this, I have no doubt your bottom will respond in kind, and you will be rewarding with a partner who is emotionally invested in the act and will, consequently, reciprocate with increased intensity.
Share The Power
A lot of tops fall into the trap of believing that being a good top is all about being in complete control of the situation. While this is sometimes true, it really depends on the atmosphere and the mood of your partner.
In fact, being overly controlling during sex can sometimes be a huge turn-off. Let your bottom help guide the flow of events a bit. Follow their cues regarding position and intensity. Let them guide you as much as you guide them and you will find that the give and take becomes a whole new layer of enjoyment added to the act of sex.
A good bottom will want to be more involved in fucking than simply lying there while you pound their ass. Let them shine!
"Fuck With Your Whole Body"
Your Breathing Is More Important Than You Think!
This is especially true if your are a top who has trouble with blowing their load a bit early or find yourself becoming distracted during sex. Proper breathing leads to increased blood flow which means better erections and also promotes the circulation of oxygen which helps with stamina.
If you find yourself getting tired, distracted, or ready to blow your load before you want to, simply take slow, even breaths and try to center yourself in the moment.
It sounds like a bunch of New Age bullshit, but I can guarantee it will help you in the long run. Give it a try next time you run into one or more of these problems and you will see that it's true. There's nothing mystical about it, it's simple physiology.
Fuck With Your Whole Body
Sex is an amazing sensual experience that is often cheapened by focusing on the pleasure it produces in your genitals to the exclusion of the rest of the body. What a waste!
If you really allow your mind to wander away from your shaft and focus on the other parts of your body and the sensations they are experiencing, you will find a whole new layer of enjoyment that has been hiding in plain sight the whole time.
It's not just about physical sensation either! Take the time to appreciate the sounds, and sights of sex, as well. Hell, even the smell of fucking can be a turn on! In any case, by opening yourself to the other pleasurable aspects of fucking, you will be more turned on and your partner will definitely sense that and, again, respond in kind.
You're Not A Jackhammer
Which is to say, as much fun as it is to get a righteous pounding from time to time, that isn't all there is to being a good top. For some bottoms it's actually just painful and not all that enjoyable.
The other drawback of just jackhammering until you blow, is it can be a bit impersonal and even boring on the physical level.
It's far better to start nice and slow, find a good cadence and work up to a real energetic pounding if that's where things head. Also, try to vary the speed and intensity of the pounding. Switch up your angle of entry a bit. Change positions.
You're being physically intimate with another person, not demolishing a house, so act like it.
Make Sure He's Taken Care Of Too!
It's not all that common that two guys blow their loads at the same time and, as the top, you are more often than not going to blow before your partner does. This doesn't mean your part is done and you can just rush off to the bathroom or whatever.
There really is no better way to turn off a bottom than being inattentive to their orgasm. If you blow first, that's fine! Just be sure that you make sure they get theirs too.
If you can't keep fucking, you can use other ways to take them to the promised land. Kiss them, stroke them, play with their balls, blow them or do whatever it takes. Just make sure you do your part!
Bask In The Afterglow A bit
As far as fostering intimacy is concerned, a little bit of cuddling and basking during the afterglow of an intense fuck session is extremely important. If you're the kind of guy who just leaps up and makes a sandwich after a hearty fuck, you may not realize it but you are sending a pretty shitty message to your partner when you do that.
"Kiss them, stroke them, play with their balls, blow them or do whatever it takes."
After expending that much emotional and physical energy, it is comforting to just lay in each other's arms, feel each other's heartbeats, and allow the mind to wander over your partner. These little moments are what make sex more than two animals rutting in the wild- it makes it human and the importance of that shouldn't be underestimated.