8 Flirting Tips For Gay & Bi Introverts
An introvert is a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, we are perfectly comfortable alone at home petting a cat and binge-watching a Netflix series. On the other hand, all that time alone tends to leave us a bit under-prepared for even the most basic social interactions- to say nothing of navigating the complexities of something as intricate as flirting.
Shy, introverted, socially inept, whatever you want to call it, some of us just aren't naturals when it comes to flirting. While Grindr has been a godsend for guys like us, tapping a screen and swiping a couple of times to get dates can start to feel a bit hollow after a while. It's certainly not doing anything to improve our social skills.
So, what's a shy guy to do when he encounters a hottie in the wild? These flirting tips for shy guys should set the record straight and have you pulling guys like a pro in no time!
8- Chill The Fuck Out
Easier said than done, right? The major edge that extroverts have over introverts is their infuriating lack of social anxiety. Ask anyone and they will tell you that confidence is a major turn on and successful flirting is highly dependent on appearing comfortable in your own skin.
If you seem nervous, keyed up, or tense, it's going to be nearly impossible to exude confidence because everything your anxious body does is sending the opposite message. Take a deep breath, relax, and realize that the stakes are incredibly low when you get right down to it.
The worst that can happen is you have a slightly awkward exchange and go your separate ways. Compare that to the other end of the spectrum where you end up sparking a fiery romance to last the ages or even just a wild night of filthy sex with a stranger who you'll never see again. Either way, it's worth the gamble.
Relax, remember that it's not a big deal to strike out and just throw those fucking dice like you don't give a damn- even if you do!
7- Practice Makes Perfect
Good news bad news time. The bad news is, the first couple of times you try to fake that confident, relaxed attitude are going to be rough. There's a bit of a learning curve and you'll probably strike out a few times. Every failure is an opportunity to learn- Don't waste those opportunities! Eventually, you'll get a win. Which brings us to the good news...
The good news is that you will have successes. Those successes will boost your confidence and lead to more successes until you don't have to fake confidence- You'll just be confident.
The trick here is to not let the failures subtract from your confidence level and applying what you learned to the next time you flirt. Don't let the losses shake you and allow the successes to boost your confidence and you'll get there!
6- Get Comfortable Being Alone In A Crowd
Picking up guys in the wild isn't always about your approach. In a lot of cases, the guy you have your eye on might have tossed a furtive glance your way, too. If he looks over and sees a fidgety weirdo rocking from one foot to the other with his hands in his pockets or, heaven forfend, his arms crossed, he probably won't be approaching you and will likely be put off when you approach him. You've already displayed a lack of confidence before the game is even started.
Getting comfortable with being alone in a crowd is as easy as realizing one important fact of life: Strangers don't give a shit about you, generally. You might be self-conscious and overly analytical about what you are doing in social situations but most of the people around you probably feel the same way. They are wrapped up in their own bullshit and aren't really thinking about you at all. That's pretty much what flirting is, interrupting all of that and giving a person a reason to think about you instead.
Aside from making a good first impression and paving the way to a smoother introduction, looking comfortable in your own skin while alone in public might even save you the trouble of having to flirt at all- They might just come to you, you sexy thing!
5- Cliché Alert!
Oh boy, you knew this one was coming! Just be yourself. While that might not be a new and profound revelation of cosmic truth bestowed from the gods on high to us ignorant mortals below, it's a fucking cliché for a reason- It happens to be true.
When you act naturally and just be yourself, you will attract people who like you for who you really are, not what you are pretending to be. They'll be happier, you'll be happier, and you won't have to have a blowout further down the line as it becomes clear you aren't the person they thought you were. It's just easier, not to mention more effective from a flirting standpoint.
Besides, being yourself means you don't have to worry about "giving the right impression" and takes a lot of the burden of self-consciousness off of your shoulders. Just be yourself and you will naturally attract people who dig your authenticity.
4- Still, Don't Be Afraid To Strut Your Stuff A Bit
Dress as you normally would or in what makes you most comfortable, but you should always have a bit of bling as well. I'm not talking about getting gold chains and a diamond grill or something, just try to have an accessory or two that stands out and says something about you.
I can't tell you the number of times I've had long conversations about "Adventure Time" with some cute guy while wearing my silly Finn The Human hoodie that later led to something a little more exciting. Guys who see me in that hoodie can tell just by looking at me that I'm a bit of a nerd who doesn't mind people knowing that. I appear confident because I am putting that nerdiness on display for all to see and it acts as a sign to guys with similar interests that we would have something to talk about.
Whether it's a goofball hoodie, a band tee, or even just a political pin, having some sort of accessory to act as a conversation piece can break the ice and open up opportunities for deeper conversations.
The flipside of knowing this is that you can also look for guys who are doing the same and feel a bit more confident when you approach them. If you love a band and a guy has their sticker pasted to his laptop, you can use that mutual interest as a jumping-off point by simply complimenting them on their awesome taste in music and going from there.
3- Smile, Smile, Smile
This isn't one that comes naturally to me, but I know it makes a difference. Smiling gives the impression that you are enjoying yourself and are genuinely pleased to be in the presence of the guy you are flirting with. It makes you seem more confident, well-adjusted, and sociable- even if you aren't.
If smiling doesn't come naturally to you, don't force it too much or you'll end up with a deranged, ear-to-ear Slender Man sorta thing going on. You don't have to smile big, I usually just let a close-mouthed grin creep in and make itself at home. It's not ideal, but it works for me.
Just find some way to express the fact that you are enjoying the conversation and the time you are spending with the guy you are talking to. The last thing you need is for this hottie to think you are bored with them or feel like you have better things you could be doing with your time.
2- Make It More About Them
If you are talking to a guy and he is asking a lot of questions about you, always be sure to turn it back around and ask how about what they think of the topic. You want this guy to get the impression that you are super-interested in him- because you are- so don't blow it by prattling on about yourself!
Get used to saying things like, "That's just me, though. What about you?" or "I'd love to know what you think about that, though!", and so on. This will keep the conversation flowing back and forth if the guy is a good conversationalist who abides by the same rules of conversation etiquette.
1- Bring Help
We all have that friend who is a natural conversationalist that has no problem flitting about a room full of people flirting and gadding about like they were born for it. As infuriating a sthat can be, that guy is your best friend when you're out looking for guys!
Not only will they help break the ice and bring the boys around to you, but they are also great role models to study while you are polishing your own flirting game. Watch what they do and how they carry themselves so that you can emulate that energy when you are flying solo. Until then, bring a wingman and enjoy the ride!