We've seen this scene multiple times in TV and movies:
- The main character is arguing with their special one.
- They're screaming.
- They're throwing stuff.
Even you can see that sexual tension rising between the characters until the next thing we know is that one of them pushed the other to the wall. Then, they started making out, taking things to the bedroom, to the floor, or wherever convenient for their steamy hot sex scene.
And we know these kinds of scenes happen in real life too. Whenever I'm arguing with my man, I can't help but feel the urge to go and furiously kiss him; I feel my blood pumping towards my crotch, and my eyes start looking straight at his obvious hardon. Even if we don't act on our impulses all the time, we have this feeling that if we do, the argument will be over, and some passionate makeup will restore the relationship.
But will sex really fix everything? Is there like a mental connection between being angry and being horny? Or are we just kinky sadomasochists? According to sex experts, psychotherapists, and physiology experts, there's actually some science behind all this craziness. So here we'll list 6 reasons why you want to fuck his brains after wanting to punch his head.
6 Scientific Reasons Why You Get Turned on While Fighting with Your Man
1) Your Hormones Control Your Body and Mind
We might think we were free from hormones controlling our brains when we left puberty behind, but we were oh-so-wrong. Hormones like testosterone, adrenaline, and cortisol (AKA the stress hormone) all rise like rockets igniting when we fight with someone, and this includes the guy you like or even love.
According to the certified sexologist Jenni Skyler, PhD., "When cortisol is released from stress, our bodies and minds may yearn for the closeness that sex provides." So all those hormones rising during the fight make you want to bone only to make you feel better.
On the other hand, hormones like serotonin, dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin (AKA the love hormone) are released with an orgasm. They all make you feel calm, satisfied, powerful, and safe. So if you've ever had makeup sex, you know that it will make you feel better after a fight.
When you start fighting with your man, both of your bodies get charged with stress hormones that will disappear with sex. Then, sex will provide your body with calmness and safety thanks to the hormones a sweet-sweet orgasm releases. So, in summary: fighting makes you want to fuck, and fucking makes you feel better.
2) Your Survival Instincts Want You to Reproduce
No. No matter how many times you try, you and your partner will not get pregnant through anal sex, but it doesn't mean your body doesn't want to reproduce, and it doesn't mean you won't enjoy the process.
When you're fighting, according to sex and relationship therapist Andrew Aaron, LICSW, fucking after an angry fight will unlock a deep and primal part of your brain. When you're fighting, you feel threatened, and when you're banging, you feel triumphant. So, after you survived the threat of a fight, your mind feels like it overcame a massive danger, and your body celebrates by being horny AF as a result.
Think of males of some animal species during mating season: they fight to get the female's interest, and the winner gets to reproduce. It's the same here, only there are no females involved, just two males banging their bodies in a hot sex session after fighting. Or maybe there are females involved if that is what you're into; we don't judge. The point is that your body wants to have sex after surviving a threat.
3) We Tend to Confuse Anxiety with Arousal
You may say, "What? They are two things that are too different! I know when I'm anxious and when I want to have a dick in my mouth!" but you know what? You might be wrong. Think about it; they're both sensations that increase your heart rate, blood flow, and breathing. It's like dating brothers... twin brothers.
According to sex coach Michele Lisenbury Christensen, "When we're under stress, such as the stress induced by an argument, our sympathetic nervous system is aroused." That's why fighting makes you want to fuck someone. On the other hand, Physiology expert Elesa Zehndorfer, Ph.D., says: "this also sparks your fight or flight response, which fills you full of energy and makes you motivated to want to physically act in some way."
Now, let's put two plus two together: Arguing with someone excites our sympathetic nervous system and puts our minds on alert and in need of physical activity. This means that our nervous system wants to go and quote Dua Lipa by shouting at the next hot guy, "Let's get physical!"
4) Have You Considered Maybe You're Into Sadomasochism?
Hey, I'm not saying you should dress in rubber and play 50 Shades of Gay, but there's this scientific explanation for why you might be into pain and suffering. Gail Saltz, a specialist in relationships and mental health, says that fighting can stimulate sadomasochistic sexual fantasies.
The word "Passion" comes from the Latin word "patior," which means "to suffer." Hardcore, am I right? There's a reason why we say "Hurts so good," and many of my fellow bottom and versatile guys will find this to be very accurate.
Besides rough sex, experts say that there's a close link between anger, passion, suffering, and connection", so if we've ever felt connected with someone and be passionate about that person, there's a great chance with might have experienced anger and suffering too.
5) Makeup sex is awesome
Reestablishing a connection moreover forgiving your partner (or being forgiven) becomes the main priority after a fight. That's why many of us can be tempted to some rough sex after fighting to repair the bond. At the same time, you channel that anger more positively.
There are multiple hot facts about makeup sex that make it so good. Everything is heightened, and you're breathing heavily. It's you and this other hot-blooded man that turns you on so bad, and you both want to give in to pleasure.
There's also the fact that you obviously want the fight to end. You're both physically and emotionally drawn to each other. No matter what the argument is about, you want it to be over because you want to be on good terms with him again. Add this to the fact that your brains and bodies get more and more thirsty for the other as the sexual tension rises to point break.
You can't deny that makeup sex makes things more passionate and aggressive, which is always a plus. One of the best things about man-on-man sex is how dominant we tend to be in bed. Add all the adrenaline and testosterone generated during the fight, and you can ensure wild, primal, savage sex with that man.
6) You're Subconsciously Coping with Some Trauma
Yeah, yeah, we've heard about daddy issues one time and again, but the appealing of makeup sex might be because of some childhood trauma. Dr. Gail Saltz says that traumatic events from our childhood or some point of our early years, where there was fighting or anger, can sometimes be connected to sexual feelings.
Furthermore, Jenni Skyler says that when couples fight, it often "instigates a trigger of a very scared part of their younger memory system." This fear in our brains creates a sense of abandonment, of being inadequate. Having sex can be a relief against that fear because of intimacy and feelings of safety.
If you feel like this, there's a possibility that you're purposely picking fights, so you can produce these feelings and end up having sex to feel safe and at ease again. Our most outstanding advice is that you seek therapy to help you unlearn this type of coping mechanism. You can find methods to get hot and playful sex that are much less destructive to you and your relationship.
Are you weird for wanting to have makeup sex?
The short answer is: no, you're not weird for wanting to have steamy man-on-man sex after you were shouting at each other in anger. It can indeed be fun; it can feel memorable, adventurous, and, of course, very hot, but that's not a reason for making up excuses to fight just to have sex in the end.
One important thing to say is that if your relationship feels cruel, violent, or emotionally abusive, it's a big red flag of an unhealthy dynamic. If that's your case, you need to run like Forrest Gump; You in danger, girl.
Suppose you feel like your relationship is good, only after it has turned awful. Listen up; no dick is worth it if the man that owns it is a dick too. In that case, it might be a good idea to find a therapist or to consider breaking up with him.
If that's not your case, then go ahead, resolve that dumb argument already by getting kinky, primal, and wild with some savage and passionate makeup sex. You're worth it.
