If we are being honest with ourselves, threesomes are a thing that every one of us has fantasized about at one time or another. Even if you've never taken the plunge into group sex, you've likely rubbed more than a few out to videos of three or more people getting freaky in the sheets.
While it may seem as though threesomes are a fantasy scenario reserved for porn stars and the more adventurous among us, the numbers tell a different story.
According to one poll, 14% of respondents claim to have engaged in group sex.
Admittedly, that does make it seem like it's a fairly rare occurrence- until you look at the numbers for people who are exclusively gay.
According to the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality, over half of their gay respondents claimed to have had at least one multi-partner sexual encounter in their life and nearly half preferred open relationships to closed ones.
The numbers don't lie, guys, we love to fuck in piles and I think that's great!
Threesomes are an incredible way to supercharge your sex life if you manage to pull them off correctly.
Bad threesomes, on the other hand, are pretty fuckin' depressing. Since anything worth doing is worth doing right, let's take a look at what we can do to ensure that our clusterfucks don't turn into complete clusterfucks.
One way or another, your group sex encounter will be memorable - Let's just make sure it's for the right reasons!
Here's what you need to know!
1. Start By Asking The Right Questions
Once you get it into your head that you might like to try to open up your relationship or arrange to fuck with more than one partner, you should examine your reasons for doing so and take stock of the consequences and whether you are willing/able to live with them.
This is mainly a problem for guys who are already in a monogamous relationship - Single guys don't have to worry about too much beyond safety concerns.
Guys in a committed relationship have a bit more to sort through before they take the plunge together, though.
The top of what you should consider before you open up your relationship can and has warranted a whole article unto itself.
If you find yourself thinking about opening up your relationship to one or more new partners, you should probably check out this article about polyamory to get started.
2. Communication
The most important aspect of getting down with more than one partner is communication, full stop. A depressingly large amount of making a threesome successful comes down to talking them out and, ugh, meticulous planning.
As unsexy and unspontaneous as that sounds, I can tell you from experience that it is true. I have had well-planned, thoroughly mapped out threesomes and I have had spontaneous ones. I'll tell you right now I'll take the planned ones any day.
They go smoother and the awkwardness of the aftermath is almost non-existent compared to the glistening shame that comes with a sloppy impromptu orgy.
Most, if not all, of these tips on how to have a great threesome boil down to communication and planning.
3. Discuss Everything Before The Main Event
Whether you are a couple looking to add some heat to their bedroom or just three or more guys looking to have a good time on a free weekend, it's imperative that you discuss your expectations, kinks, boundaries, and everything else that we cover in this article before you get together to romp.
At first blush, it might not seem so sexy, but that's a matter of perspective. One of the best things about planning out a threesome for me is the time between the planning and the meetup. I get to spend the whole week thinking about all of the filthy fun things we have cooked up to do with and to each other.
By the time the day comes to get serious, I've worked myself into such a sex-crazed frenzy that I turn into a completely savage fuck animal. That enthusiasm definitely shows between the sheets.
Don't waste the energy you put into planning by viewing it as a negative. Turn it into something you can use in the bedroom! Just make sure you plan ahead or you'll regret it. Trust me.
So, what should you be communicating and planning?
4. Boundaries And Consent
The major thing you need to have clearly established between all of the parties involved is what is and is not acceptable bedroom behavior. This is especially true of couples opening up their relationship to a third person for the first time.
Some guys take an "anything goes" approach while others will take the same approach with the proviso that kissing is off the table for the third wheel, for instance. Obviously, there are as many combinations of do's and don'ts as there are groups of people having sex. You'll have to sort this out between yourselves.
Just be sure that you do!
This is also a good time to establish who will be doing what, exactly. You need to sort out who is going to be topping who, who is going to be bottoming. There's nothing worse than three guys clumsily fumbling around on a bed trying to figure out which dick goes in which hole. If you think planning isn't sexy, you've clearly never been in this situation.
The most important thing about this phase of planning is to be sure that you establish ground rules that make everyone as comfortable as possible and that don't step on anyone's sense of bodily autonomy. If you deviate from the plan, you are breaching the protocols of consent and stumbling into the realms of sexual assault.
The best way to ensure that you are keeping it consensual is to make a good plan and stick to it.
5. Safety
One thing you definitely don't want to ignore is the safety stuff. You need to talk with everyone who is going to be getting down about their status. When was the last time they were tested? Is everyone on PrEP? Are we going to use condoms or not?
This conversation should also include any safe words if you plan on getting kinky. Speaking of getting kinky...
6. Work Out The Kinks
It's just good sense to make sure that everyone is on the same page, kink-wise. If you getting fisted but neither of your partners likes the idea of being wrist-deep in some dude's asshole, it's good to know that going in.
It's also important to establish who will be dominant and who will be subservient. Three doms trying to outdo each other is almost as pathetic as three subs trying to figure out who's going to take the lead and get the ball rolling. You need to get your mixture right or the punch is going to taste like shit.
Beyond that, some kinks require equipment. If part of the fun for the couple is denial play, for example, you're going to need to have a chastity cage on hand to make sure your sub doesn't get too excited. If bondage is your thing, someone needs to bring the restraints, amirite?
Make sure that everyone knows what everyone likes and that everyone gets at least a bit of what they want out of the whole thing. Also, make sure you have your threesome in a place that has the facilities required to satisfy any kinks you will be playing out.
Like getting pissed on? Better have some rubber sheets or a big, tiled bathroom to play in.
Like getting tied up? Better have a sturdy structure available to be tied to. You get the idea!
7. Make Sure Everyone Is Involved
If you've planned things out pretty well, this shouldn't be too much of a problem. On the other hand, it can be easy to get swept up in the moment and do what comes naturally. That's good, but you need to make sure nobody is feeling excluded, especially where couples are involved.
Establishing exactly what is going to happen and who is going to do it is a great way to avoid this, but you should generally be aware of the other people in the room and make sure that they are having fun too. If someone is starting to feel jealous, they need to be able to openly communicate that.
If you are the third and you are sensing a bit of jealousy, back off and let the couple play for awhile while you simply watch and beat off until you see an appropriate opening where you can reinsert yourself into the action.
If you are part of a couple and you start to feel jealous, try to use that feeling to your advantage. For me, jealousy is part of the turn-on. Besides, if you don't trust your partner to be faithful to you outside of the threesome context, you probably should be having a threesome in the first place.
Beyond that simple fact, learn to transmute that jealousy into sexual energy and ride that shit out. Learn to get off on the fact that someone is enjoying your partner's body for the moment, but rest easy knowing that they won't be waking up next to your special guy come morning.
8. Looking Back Is As Important As Looking Ahead
If I'm being honest, your first threesome probably won't go off without a hitch. That's one of the reasons it's important to discuss what went on with the other guys after the event, to the extent that it is possible. This is another thing that's mostly important for couples, but everyone can benefit from a quick "debriefing" by taking stock of what went right and, most importantly, what could have gone better.
Aside from analyzing the threesome from a performance standpoint, it's important that couples discuss any lingering feelings of jealousy that might remain.
Negative feelings need to be examined, but so do the positive ones. Talking with your partner about a hot threesome you had is a great way to keep some of the heat of that threesome with you until your next big blowout. It's like have a little gasoline in reserve that you can throw on the fire to heat things up when it's just the two of you.
