Sex is magical, no doubt about that, but there is something a little "extra" about having sex outside of your home. Whether it's banging it out in a tent on a camping trip, a handjob in a theater, or a drunken blowie in a cab, the excitement of gettin' nasty in public or semi-public places is undeniable.
Like most of the best things in life, however, the law tends to frown on stripping down and putting on a live nature show in the public fountain. Which is to say, you need to be careful if you're going to do some outdoor fuckin' or you might get yourself locked up. Then, you might be having public sex in a place where it might not be so fun- behind bars.
So, if you're going to have public sex, make sure you worry about the little details, like not getting caught, so you don't have to worry about big details, like whether or not you have a good enough grip on that bar of soap.
Here is a list of places that are excellent for banging in the open air and how not to get caught doing it.
1. Movie Magic
I think most people would be surprised by just how much sex goes on in a movie theater. I worked at one when I was a teenager and in addition to all of the popcorn vending and ticket tearing, I was also in charge of doing walk-throughs of the theaters and even pulled double-duty as the janitor. I've seen things that can't be unseen, believe me.
The real trick to pulling this off right might be just to pull him off right. Which is to say, it's a lot easier to get away with a quick tuggie in the theater and not get caught than it is to go for full-blown fuckin'. The great part about this is that you can manage it in a crowded theater sitting just about anywhere. You get all of the thrill of breaking taboos and possibly getting caught without really having to worry about the consequences of either.
If you do want to get full-blown freaky in a movie theater, try to go to a movie that nobody wants to see on a day when the theater is usually empty. Go see "Cats" on a Tuesday or something- you probably won't have much company in the cinema.
Another way to get the thrill of movie theater fucking is to go to a porn theater- if you can still find one. A lot of times, these places are basically empty anyway and anyone who actually is in the theater probably isn't going to mind that people are fucking there. Quite the opposite, I would imagine!
Finally, pick the right place to sit. You don't want to be right in the middle of the theater when you get down to gettin' down because you are in the path of the light from the projector, fully exposed on all sides, and a much easier target for an usher who takes his job too seriously and won't be able to let it slide. Hide out in the back, in the shadows, where you are less likely to get caught.
2. In A Cab Or Uber
This one is super-tough and might require you to grease some palms to pull off correctly if you want to go all the way- more on that later, though.
This is another one of those situations where it is a lot easier to mutually masturbate or throw in a quick blowjob than it is to get into real-deal penetrative sex. You have to remember, there is a person sitting a few feet in front of you with mirrors looking back at you- discretion is key.
This is a time when having the ability to read people well can come in handy. If you hop in your Uber and the person behind the wheel seems pretty free-spirited or simply apathetic, you can probably get away with some hanky panky, even if the driver knows. Turns out, drunken cab sex is pretty common and is considered by many to be just another part of the job. Many, not all- pick your battles!
Another thing you can do to ensure you don't end up getting caught is to simply admit to the driver what you have planned and offer to pay him to look the other way. These people are used to all sorts of shit going on in their cars that they never see dime one for so it's pretty refreshing when someone is up-front about it and makes it worth their while. Again, you have to judge the driver carefully before attempting this. Fortune favors the bold and if you're bold enough to fuck in an Uber, you can probably manage being bold enough to bribe the guy.
3. Flyin' High
Ahhhhh, air travel. The stale recycled air, the appalling food, the hum of the engines, and the subtle bouquet of blue toilet chemicals wafting through the air are enough of an aphrodisiac to get anyone in the mood for a round or two of the Ol' Slap And Tickle.
All kidding aside, airplane sex is pretty much the holy grail of public sex locations and it is a lot easier than you might think! There are two ways to go about it: picking the right moment or creating the right moment. Here's the rundown on both.
Picking the right moment is a matter of knowing a bit about when and where to fly and how to exploit the general routine of airline staff. The best way to go is to do it on a red-eye flight when nobody gives a shit about what's going on because most people are sleeping anyway. The time to strike is after the first meal service when the lights in the cabin have been put out and, more importantly, when the lights at the front have gone out. That's your sign that the flight crew is officially in "fuck it" mode.
If the plane isn't full or you have a full row to yourselves, you just need a blanket and the ability to find a position to fuck in that looks like a sleeping position but is still suitable for gettin' nasty. Otherwise, simply get up and go to the bathroom and have your partner wait a few minutes before joining you. From there you're pretty much made in the shade.
Now, if you're not on a red-eye flight and/or the plane is pretty full, you're going to have to create a smokescreen to justify two people being in the bathroom at once. A couple's argument is your best friend here.
Simply start "arguing" about something, starting off with sharp, angry-sounding whispers and escalating only to the point of being barely audible to those around you. Then, one of you should make it clear that they are so upset that they simply have to be away from the other before heading off to the bathroom to "be alone for a few minutes". The other person then waits a few minutes before going back to the bathroom to "console" the other and you're pretty much cleared for landing after that!
Just make sure you don't get carried away with the pretend argument. The last thing you need is to end up getting fingered by a TSA agent instead of your partner!
4. In Your Car
The classics are classic for a reason, amirite?! Fuckin' in a car is one of the easiest and most common ways to have sex in public. You can park out at the local makeout spot, find a secluded country road and get busy, or you can get silly with it and bang it out in a parking garage or lot. There's something to be said for each of those, really.
Obviously, the safest way is to park somewhere secluded, but that's not very exciting and you don't need advice on that. The second choice, fucking in a parking lot, is a little trickier to pull off and definitely more exhilarating.
You might think that an empty parking lot is the safe bet, but you'd be wrong! Empty parking lots leave you out in the open where security patrols have nothing better to look at than the few cars in the lot. They will almost certainly come and take a look a closer look at the car and will definitely get more than they bargained for when they find you rutting like animals in the back.
Busy parking garages are nearly ideal places because they are more closed in, the cars are packed closer together, and it's harder to differentiate between one car and the next when simply glancing around. On top of all that, most people are too preoccupied with their own shit to be peeking through the windows of random cars.
Finally, if you have heavily tinted windows, you can fuck just about anywhere!
Those are the most common places where people have trouble finding the opportunity to have sex in public but there are obviously tons of other places- they're just really easy to pull off. Fucking at a campground or music festival isn't all that hard to manage, after all. Anyone can find a secluded spot at the lake or ocean side where they can fuck without care.
Whether you're going for the low-hanging fruit I just mentioned or getting risky in a cab or movie theater, there are a few general rules of thumb that will keep you in the clear:
Bathhouses and sex clubs have long been staple places for guys who like to bang guys to go to do just that- bang guys publicly in a non-judgmental environment. Take advantage of that! Hell, you might even get some surprise company, assuming you're into that.
Never been to a bathhouse? This first-timers guide tells you everything you need to know to make your first visit a resounding success!