We are quickly coming up on the final stretch of the holiday gift shopping season and we're veering dangerously close to the edge of the dreaded "last minute shopping" frenzy-That frantic scramble to find the perfect gifts for the people in our life who require a little more thought than others.
A gift card for Starbucks or an ironically ugly sweater might cut it for the Aunt Brendas and Cousin Kyles in our lives but when you're shopping for your partner or fuck buddies, you're probably going to want to bring some stronger gift-game than that. Besides, if you play your cards right, a gift for them is really like a gift for you! It's like they always say, "It is better to give and receive.", or something like that.
So, if you find yourself feeling the crunch in the waning days of the holiday shopping season and you're looking for a little help finding a gift that your favorite naughty boy will never forget, check out these suggestions for some fun toys that'll knock their socks off and blow their hair back. Fuck coal, naughty boys deserve naughty toys!
Something For The Baby Gay...
It can be really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that shopping for something sexy for the newbies among us is super difficult. After all, they're just taking their first steps into the fabulous world of gayety and probably don't even know what they like themselves. How can you be expected to know the difference between what will curl their toes and what will turn up their nose?
Well, the good news is that the same reason baby gays seem hard to shop for is exactly the reason they are the easiest to shop for! Since they don't know what they like yet, just get them tools to help and encourage them to explore their budding sexuality.
One of the hardest baby steps to take is getting accustomed butt stuff. We can all remember back to those first anal encounters and the discomfort, trepidation, and even pain of those first anal forays. So, a decent anal training kit is just the thing to help them along. We'd recommend the Malesation 7 pc Premium Anal Kit because it has a little of everything a budding anal aficionado could ask for to comfortably scout their southern front.
Beyond the physical aspects of exploring their sexuality, they might need a little help exploring their kinks. For instance, maybe they just need a quick bondage test drive to discover that they really like getting restrained. Something like the Kama Sutra Trust Me Playset would be a nice, non-threatening way to introduce them to the delightful world of slap and tickle.
Everyone should know the joy of a great jock and the sooner the better! Get them started off right with a Jack Adams All Sport X Fly. Because, who doesn't like to have their balls cradled while getting pounded by some hard salami?
Finally, for a stocking stuffer, it's never to early to start hammering home the importance of playing safe. So, why not toss a nice variety pack of condoms in the ol' stocking to remind them to bundle up before they go out to play?
Something For The Sassy Bitch...
We all have at least one friend who hits any scene like a biting, sarcastic, shit-talking tornado. No fashion faux pas goes without comment and no survivors are left in their wake. As hard as it can be to be on the receiving end of their withering cattiness, there's just something you gotta love about these sassy bitches. However, they're damn hard to shop for.
Unlike the baby gays out there who are easier to shop for than you'd think, the bratty bitches in our lives are exactly as hard to shop for as you'd think. They know what they like and, more importantly, what they don't like and would be more than happy to say a few stinging words on the subject.
Luckily, their tendency to vocalize their distaste for anything that offers them even the slightest offense is the key to choosing the right gift for them. Clearly, they are out for the finer things in life. So, all you have to do is make sure whatever you give them appeals to their sense of playful vanity and critical eye for quality!
You'd be hard-pressed to find a sassy bitch who doesn't like little thins that sparkle and let the world know just how goddamn fabulous they truly are. That's why we'd recommend picking up a set of Blush Luxe Bling Plugs. They're made of high-grade materials to exacting standards that even the cattiest of queens couldn't pick apart and they have a sparkly gemstone at the base. It's like a sparkly reward for the anal adventurer who makes their way to the princess's cave of wonders.
One of the things we love most about the sassy bitches in our lives is that they say exactly what's on their mind and are unashamed of what they want out of life. Get your sassy bitch something to let the world know at a glance exactly who they're dealing with, like this I Love Anal T-shirt. It's funny, direct, and doesn't mince words. What could be more perfect for the mouthy bitch in your life?
Finally, everyone likes to be pampered but sassy bitches will accept nothing less. Appeal to this facet of their personality with little things to help them relax, feel good, and get into the mood for fun. The Kama Sutra Weekender Kit comes with a nice selection of oils, balms, lotions, and powders to help set the mood and make your favorite brat feel like royalty. Pair the kit with an Evoke Sol-o vibrating massage roller as a stocking stuffer and your princess will be squealing with delight!
Something For The Dom...
If you're not a dominant type yourself, it might be hard to put yourself in their place enough to figure out what they might want for the Holidays. The trick with these guys is to shop more for their subs than for the doms themselves. After all, the fun for them comes from what they're doing to their subs!
You'll probably want to avoid things like masks and gags because they likely have enough of those already. Try to think of something that will open up new vistas of delightful torment for their toolbox like an electro-stim kit or wand. These toys will literally add some serious electricity to their next session and offer thrilling new horizons for their subs, which makes for a very happy dom, indeed!
Most doms will tell you that you can never have enough harnesses. When you are wearing little else, the right harness makes all the difference. The Shots Ouch Thanos Chest Centerpiece Body Harness is a perfect gift for the dom who has everything. They're made from sturdy-ass bonded leather embellished with just enough shiny metal and studs to really drive the dominant masculine image home. Seriously, this harness is the shit!
We find that metal cock rings are a great stocking stuffer for doms. You can never really have enough cock rings and the shiny metal ones perfectly set off the leather and metal aesthetic that most doms love. The Master Series Sarge is an elegant metal ring that wears like a dream and just oozes potent masculinity.
Something For The Sub...
Whether you're a dom shopping for your favorite sub or you're just looking for a nice gift for your boot-licking friend, the trick to shopping for subs is to mainly focus on self-care. Sure, throw in a little something they can bring to their dom to inflict on them, but mainly stick to the aftercare stuff because, as most subs will tell you, this is an aspect of BDSM that is all too often neglected. If you stick mainly to that, you'll definitely take first prize in the thoughtful giving contest.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't neglect the torment entirely! Chastity cages are a pretty safe bet if you want to get a sub something nice. Like harnesses for doms, chastity cages are like functional jewelry. They serve both as a torment and a way to express yourself visually when you are wearing little else.
If your favorite sub doesn't already have a cage, you'll be opening up a new avenue of play for them and their dom. If they do already have a cage, you will be giving them something to add a little variety to their denial play. It's a total win-win scenario! This 6-Ring chastity cage is a visually striking and frustratingly effective way to keep your sub looking great while on time-out.
For those times when your favorite sub is wearing clothes, this Daddy Issues T-shirt is a fun and funny way to wordlessly let the world know exactly what's going on under the hood.
Finally, on to the self-care stuff. This vibrating massage glove is great for both aftercare and foreplay alike. Each finger vibrates at 45k vibrations per second and will melt those tense muscles like butter in a frying pan. Combine it with this lavish Coco de Mer Massage Candle and you've got a winning combination for foreplay or to sooth out the bumps and bruises after a particularly rough and ready round of pinch and squeal.
Time's Running Out
The end of the holiday shopping season is approaching fast and your window of opportunity to find the perfect gifts for your sexiest friends is closing fast. Unless you want to find yourself trapped in the labyrinthine hell of a shopping mall during the holidays, you're going to want to get on the horn and get those orders placed in time for your goodies to arrive in time for the big gift exchange.
Be the sexy holiday hero, not that poor shlub combing the aisles of the local Walmart the day before the big day, frantically trying to find anything resembling a passable gift for those hard-to-shop-for friends!