When Your Gay Friends Hate Your Boyfriend
So, you’ve met the guy you think could be the one. Charming, smart, handsome, and actually has a job. You met all of his friends last weekend, and they’re awesome. He’s met a lot of your friends, too.
You’re calling each other boyfriend now. Pet names like boo and babe, he’s even got a heart emoji next to his name in your contacts like you’re in junior high.
You’re constantly raving about him to your friends, you’re loco for each other. The relationship is blossoming and you're all sunshine and rainbows.
Except your gay friends tell you they hate your boyfriend.
Ouch! That can be tough to handle
We've gathered 11 tips for when your gay friends hate your boyfriend, ok some are from experience.
1. Stay in and give yourself a reality check.
Dig deep and be honest with yourself about this guy you’re gaga for.
Are you moving too fast? Is he just a fuck boy in disguise? Hell, out of disguise?
Are you masking puppy love over belittling comments? If he ghosts you for days or is rude to you in public, maybe your friends have a point.
2. Consider back-burnering group things.
Plain and simple, everybody doesn’t have to love everybody. That goes for your lifelong friends and your new man.
You don’t HAVE to go to every group hang out, and that’s not ditching. You can take time to foster this new relationship, on top of that you can hang out with the other people you love without him.
No one is going to start liking each other any faster if you try to force things. Allow them to see how happy he makes you. Above all, everyone should be respectful. If your friends don’t love the new guy, that’s ok as far as that relationship is concerned it is completely up to you.
3. Could your friends be jealous?
Maybe they’ve dated before, and they’re still hung up on them. Maybe your new beau has ghosted them on Tinder for your date tonight. Emotions can play a big role in any situations, especially when it comes to loyalties.
Your new man doesn’t have to come between you and your friends, though. Talk to both sides, see if there’s a situation you don’t know about. Hearing them both out will ensure you can make the right decision for YOU.
No one should be upset by you wanting to understand why they aren’t getting along, if this relationship is as important as your friends, then everyone needs to respect and understand that.
4. Ask your friends to respect that this is your choice.
Our friends are often comfortable bantering with us, but if you feel like they’re taking it beyond your everyday conversations you need to tell them so. Maybe they think it’s funny to poke at your new guy’s table manners, but real friends will understand when you speak your thoughts and back off.
It can be as simple as setting boundaries, understanding each other may have an opinion and respecting that. Especially if it’s over something superficial like his fashion sense or that he has “straight hair.”
5. Bring them together.
Maybe they just haven't gotten the chance to get to know him like you have. Sometimes you can help these rough starts along by guiding both parties towards something they may both enjoy.
A good idea is to try a new activity for everyone. That way it is an instant bonding experience. You all get to try something new and you might learn a little something about the new guy as a group.
6. Hear their side of things.
Your friends know you pretty well right? You would be so not bothered by what random people have to think about your new boyfriend. But your close friends have been there for you for so much, try listening to their side or sides of the story.
They may have some really valid points or point out quirks you might not have noticed. It could even be some unfortunately juicy tea. Whatever it is, if these are really your friends you owe it to each other to communicate and understand each other.
Hearing them out will prove that they're still important to you and maybe that’s all they’re looking for. They could be looking to confirm that the relationship that you two already have won’t change or disappear just because there’s someone new in your life.
7. Talk to your partner.
Let’s be honest, no one is really that subtle towards people that don’t like. Your new man likely has some inkling that he’s not particularly welcome. Check in with them, maybe they don’t know, and this is the chance for you to tell them.
This could be a tough conversation, but it’s very necessary if your friends want him out of your life. You might be in for a long night, be prepared to ask some very deep questions. Get to the bottom of what could be a pivotal moment in your life.
They are half of the partnership, right? So, it only makes sense that they too have a voice at the table. If they couldn’t cope with not being friends with your friends, maybe that’s a red flag for you.
8. Avoid a territorial battle.
There’s room in your heart and your life for your friends and the new guy. You have on one hand, long friendships, proven relationships, that’s certainly not something worth throwing away. You could lose a lifelong friend over a 3-week fuckbuddy.
You may be dreaming of having a life partner or a marriage, a boyfriend is a potential man for that role. If that’s something you want, then you also owe it to yourself to pursue a love connection.
You’ve got to avoid an all-out war between your lifelong friends and your new man. You could end up not having a support network and potentially burning a bridge with the new guy.
9. Find the neutral friend.
This could be your sage friend, the one you always go to for advice or even your mom if you’re close. This person will likely have heard from the more outspoken friends already and could give you lots of insight into the potential reasons behind this strong emotion.
If they’re not going to come to you to say it, they might be saying it behind your back. Don’t take it too strongly as they may feel that they’re losing their best friend and that’s a lot to process.
It would be better if this friend or family member was completely separated, with no connections whatsoever, from the new boyfriend and the old friends. It can be hard to find this friend sometimes, just try to do the best you can so that you avoid any more drama.
10. Set boundaries for time and topics if you have to.
This relationship is important to you, but all you get is flak from some people who you really enjoy spending time with. It’s still okay to be spending time with these people but give yourself and your new partner a break from that with time commitments and clear boundaries.
These boundaries don’t have to mean breaking off friendships, it can mean letting your friends know that you won’t tolerate negative discussions about your new boo. This is a healthy way of communicating that, yes, you hear them, but also that they need to respect that you are an individual capable of making your own decisions.
At the end of the day, you’re all adults. We’ve got to respect each other's wants and wishes. If that includes no talk about the new BF and a routine to when you hang out with your friends and your boyfriend, then so be it. It could be worth exploring if you’re finding it too tough to bring the two relationships together.
11. What should you do now?
You’ve tried all of our suggestions; you’ve had many long talks with really important people in your life. Even after months though, your friends still can’t stand the guy. They’ve put in all the effort you could have asked for, structured outings, even avoided one of your private date nights so you two could hit it off.
At the end of this long road you're left with an uncomfortable decision to make. Is this new man worth losing real connections over? Are these friends worth missing out on a potentially great life partner?
If you choose to break things off with this guy it can’t be because of your friends. You won’t have any excuses other than the fact that you’ve made a decision. In this case your friends might swoop in to console you so you can’t be point blame at anyone.
Choosing your new boo over old friends might be the way you go. New relationships are sure to be on the horizon as you continue to explore life with your prince charming.
Who you choose is ultimately up to you, you alone have to decide what relationship is more important to you in the long run.