There are some less-than-sexy side effects of anal sex that we all tend to gloss over or avoid talking about. The fact that your funhole can be a mud hole if you're not careful is one of the obvious ones, but that is a problem that you can literally wash away. On the other hand, you have Anal fissures (insert B-horror movie tension sting music here).
Fair warning, things are about to get pretty uncomfortable but it's important for us bottoms to know how to take care of our holiest of holies. Besides, we're used to muscling down and plowing through discomfort- just talking about it should be a cakewalk!
What Are Anal Fissures?
While most of us have probably heard the word anal fissures being bandied about, we might not have ever experienced them. So, we should probably start out by defining exactly what the hell we are talking about here.
Basically, anal fissures are just small tears in the soft, thin mucosal lining of your anus. There are several ways they can come about, anal sex being the most obvious and pertinent way, but even just dropping a particularly forceful deuce is enough to cause these tiny terrors.
Anal fissures are, rarely, a sign of more serious problems such as Crohn's disease, anal cancer, tuberculosis, syphilis, or even HIV. While those causes are in the minority, if you find you are suddenly and persistently suffering from anal fissures, you might want to see a doctor just to be safe.
What Are The Signs Of Anal Fissures?
Full disclosure, this is a problem I am all too familiar with. As an enthusiastic bottom with a tendency to get carried away, I've had more than my share of visitations from the fissure fairy. While I may have experience with these issues, I am not a doctor- just a guy who's had an itchy asshole more times than he'd like. There, the obligatory disclaimer is out of the way and we can talk about symptoms.
The worst thing about them, to me, is the unscratchable itch they cause. It's like having fire ants in your bunghole. Itchy, burning, and just generally unpleasant. At least, that's how I imagine a bunghole crammed full of fire ants would feel- I'm kinky, but not that kinky!
Other signs include:
- Straight-Up Pain
- Bright Red Blood Visible In Your Stool Or On Your Toilet Paper
- Visible Cracks In The Tissue Surrounding Your Anus
- Painful Bowel Movements
- Lumps Or Skin Tags Around Fissures
Managing And Preventing Anal Fissures
Now that we know what they are and how to spot them, let's talk about the different ways you can manage or, even better, prevent them.
1. When you Gotta Go...
... you gotta go. So, fuckin' GO, already!
When you hold in your poop, it doesn't just disappear to some magical, pungent fairyland, it piles up inside you. Eventually, it's going to have to come out and when it does, it's going to be compacted with all of the new stuff that's been building up while you were holding it. This means you're going to have to struggle a little more and have a more forceful bowel movement.
Like I said earlier, anal fissures can be caused by something as simple as having a particularly forceful dump. Ignoring nature's call is a surefire way to increase your chances of suffering anal fissures. On that note...
2. Make Sure You Can Go
Maintaining good bowel health by eating right, staying hydrated, and handling any constipation problems you might suffer is one of the best ways to manage and prevent anal fissures.
Make sure your diet includes plenty of fiber to keep things regular, but remember that you also have to supplement that fiber with a healthy amount of water or you'll end up with massive, hard shits that will only increase your chances of fissures by increasing the pressure against your soft internal tissue.
If you are already suffering from fissures, the extra pressure strains your body's ability to heal them and they will last longer or even get worse! Anal fissures that aren't cared for properly have the risk of spreading into muscular tissue and lead to a miserable cycle of recurrence that can only be halted with surgery, in the worst cases.
If you find that you have really dense, hard turds no matter how much water you drink or how well you eat, you might want to consider throwing a laxative into the mix to soften things up a bit.
3. Lube Up!
Another great way to prevent fissures is to minimize the damaging friction that causes them in the first place. We all know lube is key to anal but if you find you are having anal fissures frequently, you might want to drastically increase your daily allowance of Vitamin-Lube.
This is definitely a case of "more is more". Really get silly with the lube and, especially if you already have fissures, pick up a lube shooter to get as much of that lube as you can to the places that need it most. You'll want a shooter that's gentle to use with a large chamber for maximum lube coverage. This lube shooter is made of soft silicone, has a good-sized chamber, and the length to take you where you need to go.
4. Train Up!
Anal training is something you should probably do anyway if you're going to be a lot of bottoming. If you're unfamiliar with anal training, our beginner's guide to anal training should help bring you up to speed.
For now, we'll just suffice it to say that anal stretching is a method that utilizes increasingly large objects inserted into your anus to help gradually increase your sphincter's elasticity and gets you accustomed to the intense sensations that come from penetration.
Keeping your anus loose prevents your soft-serve machine from having to work too hard to get the job done. Even if you aren't doing stretching exercises, you might want to consider wearing a plug around the house while fissures are healing to help reduce the damaging internal pressure required to squeeze one out. Just be sure to use lots of lube and be very gentle while inserting the plug to avoid further damage.
5. Take A Break
Believe me, this advice is almost as hard for me to give as it is to follow, but here we are! Sometimes you just have to give your asshole time to heal without being bothered. That means taking a break from bottoming until your business is back to its old self again.
Anal sex puts lots of extra pressure and friction on your internal walls, even if you are gentle and use epic quantities of lube. Sometimes enough is enough and you just gotta close your funhouse for renovations.
A little bit of restraint now can save you a lot of pain and discomfort later. Hang in there- you can do it!
6. Lotions And Potions
Preventing and healing anal fissures can be made easier by using lubes and oils that contain ingredients like botanicals, relaxants, or other additives that help increase anal elasticity and even improve healing speeds.
For instance, Pjur Analyze Me! contains jojoba oil that naturally relaxes your anus without resorting to numbing agents which can decrease your ability to judge whether or not you're taking damage down there. Look for lubes that contain aloe, Vitamin-E, coconut oil, or shea butter. These ingredients are all known for their abilities to increase elasticity, dryness, and healing of anal tissue.
There are also several medications out there that can help heal anal fissures more quickly. Preparation-H is the most commonly used and it usually gets the job done. If you need to up the ante a bit, you might try something stronger like AnuSol Cream.
Some guys have more luck with one than the other. If you aren't getting results, switch it up and see what happens! Just make sure to follow the directions on the box and never apply them to open wounds.
If those over-the-counter options don't work, you might have to go thermonuclear and ask your doctor to prescribe you a drug called Rectiv Rectal. This is a Neosporin-like cream that you apply every twelve hours and heals up fissure hella fast.
The main thing to keep in mind is to remain calm. Anal fissures sound awful, they are, but they are also a fact of life if you like having your ass pounded- It's just how it is. The best thing you can do is be prepared and knowledgeable about how to prevent them and how to deal with them when they inevitably rear their ugly head.
On the plus side, a lot of the things you need to do to prevent fissures have the added benefit of being good for you anyway. Taking care of your bowel health and staying hydrated are good ideas whether you like taking the D or not. Anal stretching and Kegel exercises will actually make you a better bottom by increasing your ability to hang with the biggest boys no matter what and it's also a great confidence booster.
In the end, teehee, you shouldn't look at fissure prevention as a chore or something you do when you get a flare-up- it's more like self-care- and we could all use more of that, couldn't we?