The first reaction most guys have to fisting is usually horrified fascination...
It doesn't seem like something that would be a good idea yet, paradoxically, the appeal is undeniably obvious. It smacks of the extreme- because it is- but it is also an obviously intimate act that both requires and fosters trust between the participants. To me, the appeal of fisting springs from the fact that it is a perfect study in dichotomy.
A sublime blend of pleasure and pain, of violence and tenderness that can't be found in other bedroom games.
Now, it might sound silly to wax poetic about what is essentially getting punched in the asshole but sex, in general, is as much about your mind as it is about your body.
Any fisting fan can tell you that this is never more obvious than when some guy is wrist-deep in your funhole making you howl like a demon in heat.
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The Hand - Fisting Sex Toy |
While fisting isn't something you can just jump right into, it's not quite as exclusive as it may appear to an outside observer. If you're the kind of guy who really likes ass play, chances are you have what it takes to become an Olympic-grade fistee. You just need to polish your game a bit.
Here are some general tips to help you prepare to take the plunge!
10. Know Your Lubes - I prefer oil-based lubes for extreme anal fun
The first thing you need to do is make sure you're up to snuff on which lubes are compatible with which toys and which lubes are best for fisting.
Extreme anal play like fisting is something you have to work up to. That means you're going to have to train up with some toys to get you where you need to be before you go all the way.
In general, water-based lubes are universally safe for toys. However, I find water-based lubes don't quite have the staying-power and slickness required for more extreme anal games.
I prefer silicone, oil, or hybrid of the two for more adventurous anal play.
The problem there is, that the best toys for anal insertion are invariably made of smooth silicone which reacts badly with silicone lubes. That's why I prefer oil-based lubes for extreme anal fun. It offers outrageous glide that lasts and it won't melt your good toys.
As far as the best lubes for fisting, the old-school method is to just grease up with Crisco, but that never sat well with me.
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Boy Butter Original Oil-Based Lube |
Instead, I prefer Boy Butter because the tub-style packaging is easy to get your hand into to really get it slathered and the formula is extremely light for an oil-based lube without sacrificing glide or longevity. That's what works for me, but you should definitely experiment with different lubes to find out what works best for you.
If you'd like a little more info about choosing lubes and which lubes are compatible with the various toy materials, check out our complete lube guide for more tips.
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Tom of Finland Fisting Cream |
9. Baby Steps - your anus is extremely adaptable and flexible, but there are limits
The most important thing to keep in mind when you first start to explore fisting and extreme insertions is to walk before you run.
Your anus is extremely adaptable and flexible, but there are limits.
The consequences for exceeding those limits too early are pretty messed up and don't require a lot of imagination to envision.
Anal tearing, fissures, and a perforated colon are just a few of the delightful outcomes for people who fly too close to the sun too early.
If you're an experienced anal player, you probably just need to start incorporating slightly larger toys into your rotation and can probably begin the first steps of practicing with a partner.
If you're a relatively new anal player, there are a few extra steps you might need to take before you jump into the game.
In these cases, you're going to want to start a pretty active anal training regimen to get you to the point where taking a fist doesn't sound all that outrageous. This will require a little effort and a bit of patience. Read our full guide to anal training for beginners.
RELATED: A Top to Bottom Guide on Anal Numbing Lube
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Manhandler - Large Gay Dildo |
8. Temper Your Expectations - don't compare yourself to porn
Most people wouldn't watch an Olympic gymnast and think- "Oh, I could do that!"- Yet most people don't think twice about comparing their personal sexual experiences to the pornography that they see.
Newsflash: That shit ain't real!
Even amateur porn requires an elevated degree of sexual confidence and skill and professional porn is so produced and controlled as to be completely divorced from the reality of actual sex.
The point I am trying to make here is that using pornography as a metric for the quality of your sexual experiences will only end in disappointment and discouragement.
The reason that guy on Pornhub makes fisting look so easy is that you don't get to see all of the work he put into training his body nor the team of people doing everything they can to polish the scene.
Real sex is often clumsy and awkward. Don't just accept that fact, embrace it! Because...
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Master Series Violator 13 Mode XL Dildo Thruster |
7. Everyone Starts Somewhere - fisting is something that takes a lot of practice
A wise cartoon dog named Jake once said: "The first step to being really good at something is sucking really bad it."
Your first few attempts at fisting probably aren't going to go all that well and that's fine. The real trick is in making sure that it gets better each time. Fisting is something that takes a lot of practice and training to master, but the rewards are well worth.
Don't get discouraged, learn from your mistakes, and keep your eyes on the prize. Rome wasn't built in a day.
6. Find An Experienced Fister - experienced fisting top is worth their weight in gold
Once you think you're ready to jump into it, try to find an experienced fister to show you the ropes.
There is a lot of preparation that goes into being a fistee but on the fister's end, technique really matters. That's where an experienced fisting top is worth their weight in gold.
An experienced fister will probably have experience fisting bottoms of various skill levels and will know how to communicate and care for the fistee better than a rank amateur.
Always be sure to be completely honest about your experience level and communicate throughout the whole process to help ensure a smoother fisting experience.
As you get more accustomed to being fisted, you can get more adventurous, but take it easy to begin with.
5. Find An Experienced Fistee - ask them for tips and advice about how to do things better
A little guidance can go a long way toward helping you get your feet wet in the fisting world. Reach out to other guys who have already walked the road you're starting out on.
Ask them for tips and advice about how to do things better. You'll be surprised how much we like to talk about this stuff once the ice is broken.
4. Remember That Fisting Isn't Mainstream - within the kink community, fisting is pretty tame
Fisting isn't exactly in everyone's wheelhouse, so you can expect some pretty diverse reactions from people on mainstream dating sites if you decide to open up about being into it.
Some guys are just a little weirded out by it when you tell them, while others can be downright appalled.
That's why you should probably seek out more alternative, kink-community-based means of rustling up fisting partners.
Within the kink community, fisting is pretty tame so you won't get as many sideways glances or looks of outright disgust when you bring it up.
3. Let It All Out - you might want to crank up some music to hide the noise
Fisting gets pretty loud.
Expect to be howling, growling, snorting and hollering as you get your hole reamed. Don't fight it! Getting loud will help you relax, make you feel great, and will also send a very clear message that your fisting top is doing it right.
If you don't want your neighbors thinking there is a brutal murder happening at your place, you might want to crank up some music to hide the noise. Seriously, you're gonna get loud- I promise.
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Hosed Realistic 19" Hose Dildo |
2. Learn To Let Go - you have to completely relax and let go
The last and most important thing to do is to learn to surrender to your top. Fisting is an ultimate act of submission, you have to completely relax and let go for it to work.
You have to completely give yourself over to your partner and trust them to take you to the promised land. Don't stand in the way of that. Let it go. That moment of complete surrender is the whole point of fisting.
There's nothing quite like completely handing over control to your top and riding that feeling of surrender straight to the promised land.
1. A Final Word Of Advice - the rewards for putting in the work are immeasurable
I think it is important to reiterate the idea of taking it slow at the start.
Get yourself an anal training kit and do the work, but make sure you pay attention to your body and take the occasional break from time to time to allow your body the chance to adapt and heal.
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Master Series Expansion Anal Dilator Set |
While getting started in the fisting world can be a slow process, the rewards for putting in the work are immeasurable.
Orgasmic bliss, deeper connections with your partner, and the ability to give yourself over to another person entirely are the priceless rewards that wait for guys who are willing to go the extra mile to get them.
Stay loose, guys!
