Live

Game day.

Sport Fucker names its gear like kit: Rugby Ring, Scrum, Switch Hitter. So we called the match. Six periods, eighteen players, and one rule you can’t break.

Sport FuckerKit for your cock, balls and ass

Scroll to kick off

Stats

Chubby Cockring stretches to five times its size
Rugby Ring 24 mm at rest, stretches to 130 mm
Half Guard stretches up to 400 percent
Switch Hitter ring 31 mm inside, stretcher 36 mm tall
Locker Room Hose fits any standard half-inch thread
Hydroshot 72 inches of metal flex hose
Shower Kit packs into its own zip pouch
Meat Harness a 1.75 inch ball for your ass
Crossfit Plug 130 mm long, about 32 mm across
Scrum Plug Harness M/L fits a 36 to 44 inch waist
SubSonic Wand 20 modes, 5 intensities, IPX7 waterproof
Pulse Cockring 10 patterns from a wireless remote
Plug N’ Play Kit the remote reaches 10 m

Chubby Cockring stretches to five times its size
Rugby Ring 24 mm at rest, stretches to 130 mm
Half Guard stretches up to 400 percent
Switch Hitter ring 31 mm inside, stretcher 36 mm tall
Locker Room Hose fits any standard half-inch thread
Hydroshot 72 inches of metal flex hose
Shower Kit packs into its own zip pouch
Meat Harness a 1.75 inch ball for your ass
Crossfit Plug 130 mm long, about 32 mm across
Scrum Plug Harness M/L fits a 36 to 44 inch waist
SubSonic Wand 20 modes, 5 intensities, IPX7 waterproof
Pulse Cockring 10 patterns from a wireless remote
Plug N’ Play Kit the remote reaches 10 m

Two players in a locker room, one strapping the other’s wrist with white tape

Warm-upCock rings

Get your ring on before kick-off.

A ring goes on soft, at the base of your cock and balls, before anything else happens. These four all stretch on over a little lube. Start with the Chubby if it’s your first.

The rings

4 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

Set piece

How a ring goes on

The usual way on, whichever ring you picked. Run it once and you’ve got it.

Start soft. Water based lube on you and inside the ring.
Balls through first, one at a time.
Then fold your soft cock through.
Settle it at the base, behind your balls. Nothing pinched.

Coming off is usually the same play in reverse: cock out first, then your balls. The Nitro Ring is the exception: balls out first. Check its product page.

A player’s muddy legs mid-stride on a floodlit pitch, turf flying

First halfStretchers and splitters

First half. Your balls get a job.

One pulls them down. One gives each ball its own ring. One pushes them out front where he can see them. All three stretch on over lube and hold your cock at the base while they work.

The ball work

3 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

The referee

The referee’s rules

He’s only got one whistle and he’d rather not use it. Five rules. One of them is a straight red.

Size it soft

Rings go on soft or half hard, over water based lube. Stretchy ones like the Chubby fit by give, not by number. Firmer ones list their size on the product page. If a firm fit worries you, an adjustable strap is the better type. Ask Adam in the chat.
Water based on the gear

Water based lube for rings, stretchers and plugs. Pure silicone lube stays off silicone toys. The Locker Room Hose is safe with all lubricants.
Red card: Numb, cold or painful: off

Take a ring off after about 30 minutes, and right away if you feel numbness, coldness or pain. Most come off cock first, then your balls.
Flared base, always

A plug harness holds a plug in. It does not replace the flare. Only plugs with a flared base go under the Scrum.
Wash it, dry it, bench it

Wash before and after each use, pat dry with a soft cotton towel, let it air dry, and store it apart from other toys, away from heat and sunlight.

A player tipping a water bottle over his head under stadium lights

Half-timeThe shower hose

Half-time. Hose down.

The hose is a douche attachment. It screws onto your shower so you can rinse your ass before you bottom, with no bulb to refill. Keep it sensible: lukewarm water, low pressure, and only the tip goes in.

The hoses

3 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

Set piece

The half-time rinse

Slow and gentle wins this one. Nobody is timing you.

Run the water lukewarm and low. Test it on your wrist.
Lube the tip of the nozzle.
Ease just the tip into your ass. Let a small amount in.
Pull out, release over the toilet. Repeat until it runs clear.

Then wash the nozzle. New to douching? A bulb gives you measured amounts and is the easier start.

Two players locked together shoulder to shoulder in the mud

Second halfPlugs and harnesses

Second half. Plugged in and held.

This is the pack. A plug shaped to sit flush while you walk around. A harness that keeps your plug where you put it. And one piece that ties your cock, balls and ass together, so every move tugs on all three.

The pack

3 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

Set piece

Plug and strap

How the Scrum goes on. The plug is yours, the harness keeps it there.

Lube your plug and ease it into your ass first.
Fasten the belt around your waist on the snap that fits.
Bring the strap down between your cheeks.
Seat the ring over the base of the plug and snap it to the belt.

Flared base plugs only. The Scrum doesn’t come with one.

Commentary

Ninety minutes gone and he still wants more. Bring on the batteries.

An empty floodlit stadium at night, mist over the pitch

Extra timeMotoVibe

Extra time. Motors on.

The rechargeable end of the squad. A wand with a deep rumble for his cock, balls and taint. A ring that buzzes behind your balls. A plug kit where the biggest one has the motor. Two of them run from a remote, so hand it over.

The motors

3 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

Three teammates in towels, arms around each other in a steamy shower room

ShowersLube and clean-up

Final whistle. Hit the showers.

Wash everything before and after each use, pat it dry, let it air dry and store it apart from your other toys. Then restock the lube: water based for the gear, silicone for skin and condoms.

The lube

2 on the sheet

Swipe, or tap the board. Next on:

Press room

The post-match interview

Seven questions guys ask before they buy. Adam’s at the mic.

What’s a good first Sport Fucker ring?

AdamThe Chubby Cockring. It’s a thick stretchy donut that stretches to five times its size, so it goes on easy and hugs close. Want less bulk? The Trainer Ring is slim enough to wear under a jock.

How long can I keep a ring on?

AdamAbout 30 minutes, then give it a rest. If anything goes numb, cold or painful, it comes off right away.

Which lube goes with the gear?

AdamWater based, on you and inside the ring. Keep pure silicone lube off silicone toys, plugs included.

Is the hose hard to fit?

AdamNo. The Locker Room Hose screws onto any standard half-inch thread: unscrew the head of your handheld shower and screw the nozzle on. If your shower head doesn’t unscrew, a bulb douche is the easier type.

Does the Scrum come with a plug?

AdamNo. It’s the harness: a neoprene waist belt and a strap that holds the base of your own plug. Flared base only. This one is the M/L, for a 36 to 44 inch waist.

Who holds the remote?

AdamWhoever you hand it to. The Pulse Cockring and the Plug N’ Play Kit both run from a wireless remote, and the kit’s reaches about 10 m.

How do I clean it all?

AdamWash before and after each use, pat dry, let it air dry and store each piece apart. The Locker Room Hose goes in the dishwasher.

Squad list

The team sheet

Eighteen names in squad order. Pick one to turn over his card.