Bottom Training: From Zero to Anal Hero

Whoever said bottoming is for lazy people clearly has never taken dick up their ass in their life...

Bottoms are the ones that need to put in a lot of work to be "up to standard" before having sex. We have to starve ourselves, douche and make sure we're clean, train our asses to be able to take a big dick (or suffer lots of pain for lack of it), place complete trust in the guy (or guys) that's topping us (is he still using the condom? Is he going to go slow if I need it?), build enough stamina to be able to take dick for as long as possible, and try to stay hard all the time so the top feels like he's the most fantastic fuck ever. And people still wonder why there are so many sassy bottom queens out there?

Bottoms are rockstars who need to be better appreciated.

All the pressure of trying to be the perfect bottom can often make us forget about the most important thing: we're bottoms because we love being stuffed with dick! It should be super pleasurable for us AND super safe.

So, while many gays out there were clearly born to take two fists up their asses, some of us need some practice to get there (not necessarily to the fisting part, but you get my point). Porn will have you believe that you only need some spit and sexy grunts from your top, and if not, you probably just need to take dick way more often to practice. While I'm entirely on board with practicing as much as you want (as I said, we love dick up our asses, right?), there are better and SAFER ways to train your hole.

Training your ass for anal sex will not only give you a more pleasurable and fun experience the next time you're pinned down on the floor getting dicked. Training will also help you prevent anal injuries that could go from small (but hurtful) anal tears to something more severe that lands you in the ER. Even if you're an experienced power bottom that loves getting DP'ed, you would still need to train to go further into three dick territory (Is that even possible? I think I saw a porn video once where they did a triple penetration. It doesn't sound comfortable, though).

Let's start small, though. I'll dedicate this post to people that are new (or not as experienced) to the art of bottoming, and I'll write another one later for all of you looking to train for a more significant challenge.

The right tools for the job

Look, I get it. Many bottoms are really into it not just because they love dick up their asses, but because of the surrendering-yourself-to-someone-else experience. It can be a very intimate act that brings you closer to your partner. So, the thought of using a toy on your hole doesn't sound very appealing. I say I get it because I used to be like that.

While I'm no prude, I still thought of butt plugs and dildos as tools for loners who couldn't get dick. Now that I'm a wiser, more experienced gay (you can call me sense), I realized how completely wrong I was.

(Colours Pleasures Thick 5" Dildo)

Not only are they great for playing with your partner, but they're also your best friends when training your ass. If you're looking for that really spiritual cum-in-my-ass-and-elevate-my-soul-with-your-dick experience, then taking the initial pain and discomfort out of the equation (as much as possible) will make it an even more soulful adventure.

So, I really encourage all gays out there to get themselves an anal training kit, maybe a dildo or two as well, and start this beautiful journey. Even if you don't want to train, having some toys to play with will change how you feel about them and how you feel about sex in general. Why stick with something fantastic when you can have cumtastic?

Anal exercises

For this training regimen, you will need a training kit with 3 different-sized butt plugs. The NS Novelties Renegade Sliders Trainer Kit is excellent for beginners and for these exercises. You will also need lots of toy-safe lube (water-based like the Pjur Basic Water Based Lubricant is perfect). Now that you've got everything ready, your routine for the next 6 weeks will go like this:

1. Apply tons of lube (there is no such thing as too much lube, go crazy with it) to both the smallest butt plug and your hole.
   
2. Push the plug into your ass very slowly, and stop the moment you feel resistance from the muscles inside your hole.
   
3. Hold the plug there for 5 seconds (do like Ross Geller and use "Missisipis" when counting).
   
4. While counting, take deep breaths. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth.
   Concentrate on counting and your breathing, and try to relax your ass muscles in the process.
   
5. When finished counting, push the plug further in until you feel resistance one more time.
   
6. Instead of holding it in, slowly pull the butt plug out.
   
7. Repeat all the steps above 14 times to complete a set. You'll do two full sets.
   

These exercises should be done 2 to 3 days a week. While some of it might feel uncomfortable, you should never feel actual pain. If you do, stop immediately and rest for the next two days before restarting the routine.

Don't do them more than 3 days a week; we're training your hole, which means it needs time to rest before the next time you're putting it through the wringer.

(NS Novelties Renegade Sliders Trainer Kit)

Two weeks after starting, you'll switch to the medium-sized butt plug, repeat the process for another 2 weeks, and then switch to the biggest one. While you might feel ready to take dick when you've mastered the medium-sized plug, I encourage you to finish the 6-week course instead. This helps strengthen the skin inside your hole when stretching. It also helps your anal muscle memory to automatically relax when something is going in instead of out. Most importantly (at least for size-queens out there), it helps take bigger dick with more ease.

The real thing

Now that you've graduated from your anal exercises, you're ready to take on the world. Just don't go straight for a gangbang! Try to practice with one dick at a time for a while first.

 

(Pjur Basic Water Based Lubricant)

While your bussy is well trained by this point, it's important to note that you're still susceptible to anal injuries. So, if you want to avoid them at all costs, here are a few things to consider:

1. Always start slow.

While I know you're probably hungry for dick, ask your partner to warm you up. The more sexually aroused you get, the better the whole experience will be. Ask him to kiss you, touch your entire body with his hands, squeeze your ass cheeks, even lightly bite you. Then, if you're both into it, have him eat your ass. Encourage him with moans and dirty talk, ask him to really get than tongue in there. You could even 69 and suck his dick while he eats you out. Then, before the main act, ask him to use his fingers first. Start with one, then two, maybe even three, and then go for the dick.

You trained for this, you're ready, but warming up is crucial to further avoid anal injuries and, honestly, to make the whole experience way better.

If you're just having a quickie with a random guy from Grindr, and he's one of those guys that don't brush their teeth before a hookup (why do so many gays do this? It eludes me), you'll probably want to skip to the warm-up phase. Instead of cutting it, though, switch it up a bit. If he wants to go directly to pound town, ask him for lots of lube and to penetrate you real slow. You can go harder and faster after a few minutes, but at least let your ass get used to the invasion first.

2. Lube like there's no tomorrow

You might think I'm getting repetitive, but I just can't stress enough the importance of lube. Remember that your boy-whole is no vagina (I hate when I need to use the V word to get your attention, but here we are). You don't naturally lubricate, so any dick about to enter you will meet friction unless you use lube. I know lube doesn't come for free, but the doctor's bill is way higher than a trusthworthy bottle of lube. Buy in bulk if you want, but don't be cheap when it comes to your ass.

You're a bottom, you're a rockstar, and your bussy is the lead singer. Take care of the sacred temple, PLEASE!

3. Don't rely on poppers

Yes, poppers help you relax and make you extra horny, but they won't warm your hole up, nor will they lubricate it for you. So, if a guy wants to give you poppers and then drive his cock to the hilt in one motion, you should be the smart person in the room and ask for more than poppers. Don't refuse them if you're into it; just be mindful of your hole. If you don't love your hole, how in the hell will somebody else love it? Can I get an amen?

4. Avoid spicy food

You don't have to avoid spicy food for the rest of your life, of course. But, if you know you're getting plowed next Friday, stop eating any spicy food (or anything that's too irritating, really) a couple of days before that. Spicy or irritant food doesn't only upset your stomach. They also do some damage when going out. If you anus is irritated, you won't have as much pleasure from anal play, and you're risking easier injuries.

A hole new world...

Now that you trained for 6 weeks and you're armed with the hottest tips, you're ready to go into the wild and try to catch 'em all! Ok, no, I don't want you to catch all the STDs out there, so please, ALWAYS BE SAFE. But do go out and whore around as much as you want. You're ready, you trained for this, now go and pleasure yourself to your heart's content.

Just always remember, bottoms should always be treated with respect, like the kings and queens we are. We're putting our asses on the line (literally!), so don't go putting out to someone who doesn't deserve your ass. Even if you're into rough sex or master/slave role-play, guys should always treat you with respect and should always put your safety first. Without us, tops would have to stick to fucking...girls, so they need to be grateful, and we need to demand the respect we deserve.