Help! I Can't Take My Boyfriend's Dick!

Because of the line of work I am in, I tend to get a lot of questions from other gay/bi guys about everything from how to give better head to which prostate massager packs the most punch. The question I get asked more than any other, however, is how to deal with a dick that's being a real pain in the ass.

For all the rampant size-queenism and bragging about dick size I run into out in the wild, there sure seems to be a lot of us out there that have real problems with taking even an above-average dick behind closed doors. Luckily, this is something I have personal experience with. It might take a little work to overcome the problem, but there is a light at the end of that too-narrow tunnel.

Here's everything you need to know about how to take a fat cock without batting an eye.

1. The Obvious: Overdose On Lube

Many of the guys coming to me with this question aren't strangers to the anal game. They are guys with plenty of experience who have suddenly found themselves involved with a guy who's simply bigger than any of their previous partners. The first thing these cats do is try to up the amount of lube they use. If that sounds like you, this piece of advice is something you already know and you can probably just move on to the next.

However, if you fall into the other category, guys who are just getting into anal play, you might not realize just how important lube is to keeping a bottom comfy while they're being fucked. You might also not realize that not all lube's are the same and that some perform better than others under different circumstances.

For instance, I like to mix oil and water-based lubes when I am tackling an extreme insertion. I'm no scientist, but it seems to me that the way oil and water repel each other decreases the friction. Whatever the reason, it works for me and that's what's important.

For those who are curious, my favorite blend is to mix regular old coconut oil with Sliquid Sassy Anal Gel. I start by getting the coconut oil laid down and then add the Sliquid into the mix. Try it- You'll be amazed at how slippery that shit gets!

That's my go-to, but everyone is different and experimentation is the key to finding the right lube or combo of lubes that helps you get through the night. The one hard and fast rule you can always lean on is that you can never have enough lube when you're going hard and fast.

Check out this guide for a little guidance on how to find which lube or lubes will treat you right.

2. Practice Relaxation

Whether you're new to anal or you've found yourself involved with a guy who is bigger than any of your previous partners, you're going to need to relax if you want to be able to handle their meat.

Search online for some breathing techniques you can use and, this is super important, actually practice them! Just knowing about relaxation and breathing techniques isn't going to do fuck-all if you don't actually use them.

Sure, it's super-boring to sit around and pay attention to your breath, but the results are worth the effort and the alternative, a sore asshole, is far worse.

Breath isn't the only factor involved with relaxation, however. Muscle control is also a huge factor. Which brings us to our next tip...

3. Kegel Workouts

Whether you employ breathing techniques for relaxation or not, you should definitely train up your Kegel muscles if you're having trouble taking a dick.

Kegel muscles are the muscles of your pelvic floor and are responsible for all sorts of lower-body activity like bowel movements, urination, orgasmic spasms, etc.

Learning to control and strengthen these muscles can be a huge step toward better sexual health and satisfaction across the board, as well as giving you better control over anal relaxation.

The first thing you need to do to start working those Kegels is to find out where they are, to begin with. The next time you're taking a pee, cut off the stream and take note of the muscles you tensed to do so. Those are the muscles you want to work with.

Now that you know where and what they are, you can start to train them up. Flex and hold those muscles for about five seconds, release for three seconds, and then repeat that process for ten reps. Don't be surprised if you can't make it to ten the first time. Just do your best to get as close to the mark as possible- you'll get there quicker than you think if you keep at it.

After a few weeks of repeating these exercises three times a day, you'll notice you have an increased level of control over the muscles and will be better equipped to relax your anus at will.

I should also point out that mastering these muscles will also make it easier to experience a multiple male orgasm, maintain and achieve erections, and even give you better control over when you blow your load.

4. Anal Training

I was blessed (cursed?) with a super-tight butthole. When I first started having sex with men, I had serious doubts about whether I would ever be able to get down with anal sex because it always just hurt and never felt as good as I thought it should.

I was already messing around with prostate play a bit on my own, but anytime anything bigger than my slender toys got anywhere near my back door, it clenched up tighter than a redneck's ass at a Pride parade. Then I caught on to anal training.

Anal training is basically just using a series of butt plugs of gradually-increasing size to become accustomed to larger and larger insertions over time.

Start off with a plug that just barely causes some discomfort from stretching and work with it until it is easy to take. From there, you just move on to a slightly larger plug and continue until you achieve the level of anal acceptance you are shooting for.

This was the single most important thing I ever did to overcome my tiny butthole problem- Now I can take the even biggest guys with a very happy smile. These days there are even anal training kits to get you started so there's no reason not to give your hinder the workout it needs!

This is a pretty shallow rundown of how to get started with anal training. Check out our complete guide to anal training for a more thorough look at what you should and should not do to get your hole in shape.

5. Your Partner

Sometimes a big dick isn't the problem but it's the person attached to it that's really to blame. An inconsiderate top can do a lot of damage, even if he isn't swingin' big meat. If your top is just diving right in and jackhammering away like a coked-up woodpecker, you're obviously going to have more than a little discomfort. An inconsiderate top who's hung will flat out destroy you if you let him.

Try talking to your partner and tell him he needs to take it slow. Let him know you need time to warm up and try to get him to start you off by using a slender dildo or a prostate massager before he jumps on you. I find that having my ass eaten relaxes me up quite a bit too.

When it is time to get down, make sure he is taking things slow and that you are communicating with him about how it's going. Don't be afraid to say it's too much, to slow down, or even to GTFO if things aren't working for you.

6. Position

A lot of the time, a simple change in position can make all the difference in how anal feels. For instance, I have a harder time taking a dick on my back than I do from behind. I don't know why- it's just true. Try to experiment with different positions and see if you notice a difference. Take note of which positions work better and work from there.

The one position that almost always gets results is to get on top and ride him. This allows you to control the depth, speed, and intensity of the thrusting and puts you in the driver seat. This is especially useful when you are with a hung guy who's having a hard time controlling himself when it comes to just pounding away at you.

You should also try to vary the position in which you are riding your guy to see if that helps. Much the way I have a harder time on my back, I also have a harder time when I am facing toward my partner. Get creative while your riding him and see what makes you both feel best. With a little experimentation, you'll likely find a position that hits all the sweet spots and doesn't leave you with anal fissures or worse.

Bringing It All Together

The main things to keep in mind if you have trouble taking a big dick are to take it slow, listen to your body, talk to your partner, and know your limits. With a little patience and open communication, you should be able to overcome the problem of taking on your partner's wang.

There is one last thing you might want to consider if you find that anal sex is leaving you less-than-breathless: Maybe anal isn't your thing, to begin with. You'd be surprised by the number of gay and bisexual guys who really would rather have nothing to do with anal to at all. 

These guys, known as "sides" ( as opposed to tops or bottoms), find anal sex to be a turn-off and have all sorts of other ways they get physically intimate with their partners that don't include it. Maybe that's something that applies to you, maybe it's not. I think it's a question worth answering for yourself, though. Give it a think!